ryan's blog

2012-01-08T14:10:00.006+08:00

08, 01 great weather..

it's Sunday.. a pretty unusual one. now that i have been attached to Multicare Pharmacy in Subang, sundays will now, most probably be the day for me to step down the pace and rest..
working there, is a continuous learning process.. its not much, but Pre-U's knowledge did more or less helped me in my job (biology especially..) at least when ms. hiew explains, i understand what she says. so, yea.. those knowledge do come in handy from time to time. and being acquainted to this pharmacy, i thought it might help me to figure out whether or not, this field.. is the one.

that's the main entrance..

while this, is another door (a back entrance) its directly facing two primary school.. SK SS19 and Lick Hung

the OTC.. and supplements at the back (expensive stuffs..)

the main counter.. drugs, OCP.. etc..

there are some books there as well.. for us to study. well, since its a pharmacy.. its like, you don't really have anything to do unless someone comes in.. so, plenty of time to read them up. quite interesting.. symptoms, diseases, nutrients and stuffs.. and my boss do make random test sometimes.. she's fine to me (so far..) since she's quite young, i think there isn't much problem.. (just like pn.wong..) she allow much freedom for us.. wi-fi, nap, laptop.. well, she play with her i-pad as well when there ain't any customer.. not very effective, but at least you won't feel extremely boring waiting..

01, 01 New Year..

as usual, we were all back in hometown for the annual house-cleaning.
this time around, i was rather pissed - those promised coming back, did not turn up.. its frustrating of course.. we had to do more than we supposed to. and its darn tiring damn it. the house darn long..
1st of jan is no exception. it's already our tradition, and everyone in the family knows it. just what the hell was wrong with them?
can't because i have recently bought a new car.. can't because i went to malacca.. for one moment i was dumbfounded. take the damn car another day. and the latter was worse, went to malacca? are you kidding me? doing things without the 4 or 5 of them.. seriously, my god.
but that's reality.. when the teens becomes young ones, these days.. i don't think many have the word 'family practice' or 'tradition' left in their dictionary. well, at least when grandma is still around, why can't just hold on to it.. and this is like annually, not monthly or even weekly.. i admit. there are so many taboos to me, they are kinda 'doesn't make sense..' but still, i will follow if i am there in my hometown.. be it reluctantly. it's a sense of respect to the old one.. they can't see the disappointed look on my grandma's face the other day.. sigh, in short they shouldn't ditch back then and be there to at least spend a day with grandma.
she is getting older, and she lives alone.... why can't they feel for her?

~ryan kc~

2011-12-14T14:52:00.005+08:00

14/ 12, cloudy...

should be raining very soon.. well, it pretty unusual sitting down staring at walls doing nothing.. not because don't want to, but having nothing to do.
i wasn't thinking much last night - was do darn tired.. well now i am thinking.. 'now what...?'
and screwing up the exam was something really bothering me at the moment.. hell i can put it behind me..
i thought i was the one who said i wanted these to end quickly. now i wanted the opposite..
and i thought i will be running around screaming like a mad ass and jubilates like nobody businesses with joy.. it's totally contrast.. the fact is, i am not happy at all.. (yea, kinda insane to think such a way eh..)

sigh.. i just don't understand why the worst have to take place in the real STPM.. being able to do the trial papers, honestly it did boost a lot of confidence.. but when things don't work on the real day, yahh.. it is one of the world's toughest exam after all eh..? 'on-the-spot' performance does matters..
i understand talking about all these now seems useless. needless as well.

- of course i did my best, everything i could.. but still, there's so much resent, upset and regrets..
all i can do now, is hoping for the best.. the best for the rest as well..

~ryan kc~

2011-11-12T19:28:00.012+08:00

12/11, cloudy..

for the past 2 days - i have done nothing what-so-ever.. totally unproductive.. for the moment, just wanted to put everything aside, beyond my sight.. but til not long ago, guilt - was felt..

Thursday - it was the last day of school. what left will be the 7 days of exams, and after that.. it will be over.. quite an emotional day it was. pn Lourete teared after giving her words of encouragement.. it toatally surprised us - she whom used to be so strict, tough and firm.. yet couldn't hold back.
i guess this 2010/11 batch of pre-u... means something to her after all. even now, still - i am speechless about what happened. unbelievable indeed.. but one thing for sure though. i was really touched. ...
1130 - we begin arranging tables and chairs for our exam. there was a moment of silent after that. everyone sat on their respective seat.. thinking i guess. well, at least i was..
the girls got up and continued with their party though after some time.. they were toasting soft drinks, secara beramai-ramai.. kinda enjoyed watching them.

pn. Lee - gave everyone KitKat. i took it as a blessing. speaking of her, well - i used to be afraid her, respect her of course... she was so cool and calm. not very pleasant with her tough, realistic and cruel comment though. but those.. - was just another side of her. in fact, she has a motherly side of her. she started allowing us to communicate with her in mandarin, smiled more at times.. and maybe i met her more frequently this year for consultation - to improve in chemistry.. only managed to get a B+ in trial. couldn't get the A as i promised her, but she encouraged me instead 'only few more marks away.. go get them'
mohon restu - i was my usual self, until i went seeing that her day. it happened that i was the last one to see her.. i saw her, walked towards her - and she held my hands. yes, i teared instantly.. i can tell, it was not the first time i felt warmth from her. but on that day - it was extra-ordinarily, touching for me..
she said nothing, only waited..

tomorrow will be the last day of tuition.. maths already ended though last week. it will be the last time i enter that building. will miss the Sundays for sure..
apart of ignoring the books for a moment, i have been looking back at all the pictures i was tagged in facebook.. and other's friends pictures as well.. it's finale, in a glimpse of an eye..

yahh~ i actually stopped typing for a very long time.. speechless

these, were the pictures of thousand words i looked through today..

~ryan~

2011-10-22T15:19:00.004+08:00

22/10, a month left...

29 days left to make or break...
about 60 days left, to declare it's over...
more or less 10 days of school life left...

time passes much more faster than any previous years. now, it has come to yet another climax. which would be the toughest challenge in life so far. STPM seems far away when everything started. now, the suspence and fear...
since trial papers over, i have became so confused.. failed to plan my daily schedule since then. its been few weeks. its really frustrating. there's not much time left and i have kinda wasted them..

i am not sure about everyone really.. ahh.. honestly, i am really scared. lol..
heishh..
and every single second there's just something bothering playing like a video in my mind.
it's kinda silly.. one moment you wished there's more time left before the d-day.. then the next moment you wishes the damn papers start tomorrow and everything will be over as quickly as possible.
imagining.. even though i only imagine the moment i hand in PA paper 1, the last paper at 4 pm on the last day.. i smiled over it. its like an esctacy to me. lol.. and its genuine-ly from the bottom of my heart.

there's so much in mind at the moment..
ahh... i will stop here regardless..

~ryan~

2011-09-20T18:23:00.004+08:00

20/09, sky today represents how i feel...

many should be ecstatic over it.. the exams are over, for now.. its the pause that everyone have been anticipating, looking forward to after everyone worked so hard..
the day will be exactly two months away from this date now. 60 may sounds long, but.. well.. better think twice. its not gonna be long.
happy? maybe not.. perhaps a little relieved, to be allowed some space to breath for the moment.
after going through somewhat 6 weeks of hell.. the worst thing on earth for one would be screwing up every single thing in the final paper. it's like the paper gave me a slap, and left me stunned. after today's paper, all i questioned myself is what have i been doing for the past 6 weeks? i have done every single thing i could.. i sacrificed so much to commit myself into my studies, but in the end it was disappointing. and it always have to be chemistry.

meeting pn siti khadijah today, i found out something. she was talking about me and tell me what others have been telling her. i am not me when its exam... ... heishh. i am not sure.. i wanted to deny it. i have said it once, my face expression is like that. what do you want me to do about it? i was just tired of everything, of course i wont look good.
and one thing really surprised me, she said i was trying compete with others. well, i didn't say anything when she said that. but making this straight.. i don't compete with others. i have been always assuring myself only to compete with myself, and break my limits.. top or not top i don't really care. what i need is 4.0 and a scholarship.. that's the main aim. if she can mistaken it, i think many would have too.. thats not really something i wanted others to think of me. yes, maybe there is.. some yearn to be top student. well sometimes you do dream of this kind of situation, being the top for at least once.. i had thoughts of that before, i do admit.. but i am not obsessed being the top.
when you achieve something, its the self satisfaction, and the worth-value of all the ****ing efforts you have put in. and for the time being, none meet my my expectations so far, and its frustrating. and not satisfying at all for damn sure..
upset - that's because i didn't achieve my expectations. not because i couldn't beat my friends. really.. 4 flat, then why not everyone achieve it together? you share the achievement at the end of the day, you don't enjoy it all by yourself, alone..
when she told me that, i felt uncomfortable seriously.. maybe people thought i am little crazy, always thinking about being the top.. i am just giving all i could trying to win scholarships or a higher chance of being offered the course that you wished to take.. thats all..

with 2 months left.. i started thinking about the days left, to spend time with these people.. getting lesser. the 2 months will be busy for everyone.. i guess there''s really not much chances left to create memories....

~ryan k.c~

2011-08-19T21:17:00.003+08:00

19/08, 3 weeks away from trials..

the period of doing revision is as usual - suffocating. its hard to take most of the times, really.. more when you got yourself stuck in certain areas. and got bored with others.
and to keep focus is another thing to handle. sometimes a slightest thing may have great impact on moods eh

revisions were going fairly well, but still lacking in many. i really got fed up with maths for the time being.
not facing it too much, but can't do whatever mr. ong gave. desperate to solve them, but not knowing how. so instead of leaving myself frustrated in the end, i put them aside trying to finish up others first.
seriously hope what planned works. i ask for not much now, please just make the efforts worth it.
for many times, i wanted to get someone to tell me, what i have been doing now is worth it. looking at myself at the mirror every morning, i pity myself really. tired, weak and dead gazes..
i understand about getting enough rest and all.. i am different people. its not like i love going the extra mile so much. infact i hate it like nothing else. but what choice do i have? all i can say is whatever i achieve today is because of the little hardworking i have. just like many out there, whom are hell alot more hardworking than me. i can be very honest, i am very slow and stupid most of the times in my revision

looking at mom these days, the more i feel sorry for her. because we are busy, we almost cared only with our own studies. she do get neglected a lot all this while. she gone through much in these 5 years. it's indeed realistic to hope for the best out of your son as a mother. i am here because she is. i have to do this for her even if its not for me. and having a bad tempered son like me, it disappoint her most of the times
that is why, i wanted the efforts to be worth it, at least.. i won't feel that bad having my mom neglected if i can achieve something she would be proud of

'mian-haeyo oemma.. gidaryeo jusibsio.. '

anyway, there are some personal reason as well for me wanting to get this done. plus teachers.. there are more people that thought, that i don't want to disapoint.

true i am having a difficult time for now. but think carefully... stand in the middle of the classroom, and have a 360 degree turn, everyone is.
say i am selfish.. i care less now, i just want the result. i don't care by how (going clean of course)..

" Those who try to survive will die.. but those who try dying, they will survive "

~ryan kc~

2011-07-31T22:37:00.007+08:00

31/ 07, it's august already

almost missed a july post.. i didn't really had the time to write these days.. plus i don't have anything to write about though..
teachers are pushing us to an extra extent these days.. after meeting up with the principal, the pressure now worsen. sigh, trials is a month from time, and the day is getting nearer.
worried of course.. especially chemistry. still haven really get the hang of it. though pn. lee told me thing would get better soon, still...
and after hearing she started giving up in marking our past year exercises she gave.. well you do feel bad when she say that. in fact the guilt was more. sighh... and really? are we that bad?
and pn thenmoli these days.. the workload i tell you~ its as if the trials already started. lol.. she gave so much. it will come good though, just hard to breath these days..

and having conflicts with your teachers, you don't quite enjoy the time in school nowadays.. you just got fed up looking at them. yeah, i do sleep in class, not everyday rite?.. okay may it be frequently. - sorry for disrespectful. thats all i could tell you.. what do you want me to do. i don't change my style of studying, and i don't want to. because i can't.. i have to study my way. man~ everyone study differently, so as i.. and never did i ever consider my midnight study is something special.. i wonder how people study in the afternoon and evening too. its so hot and noisy at these time..
anyway, i don't get a single thing taught. i doze off in one of her class, and went doing some other method i felt it is better in expressing my answer.. but she gave me a wrong for not following 'her method'. what the hell? i accept a wrong for something wrong.. but never for something that's right. at least i have not done what my sister's batch had done - totally ignoring your lessons.. you want that? tell me and i will do that, seriously..
other than ego i don't get why she did that. oh come on~ maths is versatile sometimes, rite?.. i was not trying to show off, really.. i missed what you said (yes i am in fact wrong) so i made an effort, applying what i learnt to solve that question.. it was not appreciated cos it was not 'your method'. so you gave me a wrong for a right answer.. sighh, speechless.. what's so grand about your method?

yet another unsatisfying month.. and the knives are not even sharpen nicely yet. sigh..
well.. i wish best of luck to friends in their revision though for days ahead
hope everything goes well for them.
stay healthy, people..

it's tough these days, i know.. but we will make it through. *fighting!*

~ryan k.c~

2011-06-30T00:01:00.007+08:00

30/01, second half of the year...

it's the end of the month now, and the second half of the year begins.
it may seems to be just another ordinary day for many.. until recently, i remembered how i used to enjoy the times in school and in the same time, keeping mind on track, and focus to my studies..
well, remembered how i used to be much more serious during the peak years of my secondary school, which was - basically nothing worth remembering.
no doubt i was much more happy during the lower six.. end of June marks more or less the times spent during lower six. not many things goes as well as previously did, which sometimes frustrating..
the main changes really felt now - fully independent. since the school reopen, homeworks and studies load really went down the drain.
in fact, it's time.. to start 'sharpening weapon for battle'.
the atmosphere was, lazy~ i loses concentration in class, snubbing homeworks, indifferent to orders - whatever~
even sis sometimes tell me skip the homeworks and 'do your stuffs'. which i actually, agree a lot.
anyhow, posting this.. mainly wanted to remind myself to start sharpening knifes and.. ...

rat dissection.. fun for the first day. honestly it became boring the next day. doesn't smelled as bad as i had thought. human's one smell far worse certainly, babies the worst.
human definitely looked simple on the outside.. while the anatomy was incomparably more complex.
how they think and act will be even more complicating eh~.. lol
and to me, nothing is more complicating compare to woman. i have 3 with me every single day yet i don't get them, really.. =_= but i don't refer only to my family member, i generally refers to all... woman

anyway i am saying this just because i just thought of something or someone which i don't understand why
a cousin, much younger of course..
it was way over father's day i know.. but it's a sunday dinner for my grandpa. he refused to turn up, which really pissed me off. what's equally disappointing was that my aunt - she just leave it as it is, and told me it's useless to force him to come. and take away food for him.
the sad-dest thing was, my cousin actually asked 'what are the foods there...' seriously, what the fuck that has to do with you coming for a family for the sake of your grandfather. who damn it took care and raised you up till your big enough to weight twice more heavy than i do.
that dinner might be simple, but at least show your respect, gratitude and a love to someone who took care of you. can't you even understand that? well what he did was something i really can't understand and accept at all.
he was someone whom did so much for him.. yet, what the hell is in his mind. i was really mad.. i know these people nowadays, yes.. teens and kids were so goddamnit indulge with their computers and video console. i know my this is this sort of person..
i had no idea, but i was really certain he was at home playing his computer, which really makes him deserve a perfect piece of my mind.. and a nice tight slap that sends him rolling..
how could you snub the dinner just for your entertainment?!! and your fucking computer had no feet and it won't run away.. can't you spend that 45 minutes just to eat with grandpa?! this is just so wrong.
and i got to know that he has two computers because the siblings fighting over each other for it.. - parents.. pampering their children, to this extent.. yes, it's definitely what a mother will do for the children - providing every needs, and love them, and make sure they are happy and live the best..
i don't question what a mother can do for their children. but my aunt's ideology was definitely twisted.. it's spoiling him.
yeah.. you're wondering why am i so pissed off for others' affair huh. yeh~ i thought so too, just. sighh, friends listen, please don't be one of them - respect and gratitude for elders.. its' our grandparents, we never know how many more times we will be able to see them, spend time with them.. we are busy people i understand, but make time for family event. the gramps will be really happy to see us..

meantime, things are really turning upside down.. my phone got stolen, and i broke my specs after a terrifying exam month.. what the hell. really 'sui' weyh..
touchwood touchwood touchwood..
damn, i kept my phone as if it was new for 3 years.. lol, and it's the second posting about my lost of handphone for the second time. dang it~ curse you damn it the one who stole it!!
and when i think about yesterday's flower picking thing, sigh.. damn it was supposed to be a delightful event.. but it turned sour in the end.. i came home, clean my car, starving shit, wash the dishes, floors, take my deserved bath, fold the clothes and its 11 30 pm.
darn tired.. and i still feel it today. my sis had done nothing yesterday (as always) so i had to, otherwise when my mom come home, its another bomb to explode after i got a good scolding from her for coming home late.. and it was in front of my friends..
and i caused complications to my friends which makes me felt really... sorry for them.
so tell me.. how long is this run going? gimme a break...

sighh, enough complaining..

~ryan kc~
it's time to sharpen the knives..

2011-06-19T18:17:00.002+08:00

19/06, Father's Day

well, not celebrating of course. so, at will be at home for today. thought of getting some friends out today, but could understand..i don't but they do celebrate right.. how could i not thought of that earlier.
honestly i didn't it was Father's Day til yesterday.
either i forgot, or i neglected it.. it's the same i guess.

school resumed for a week.. but i remained unproductive - didn't really have anything done so far. came home and i head for a sleep right til the next morning.
otherwise, i came home doing nothing, not because i have none.. just still not in the mood to do anything..

papers marked, results finalised..
- pathetic and eyesore.. sigh, but i just have to accept them don't i.. learning to accept things, but for the moment i feel kinda lost.
tuesday.. pn. siti khadijah - '... adakah pilihan anda memasuki pra U betul?.. ' she was disappointed when i said i don't know.
i am indeed as disappointed when she said she was disappointed.
i thought she might just knew better than anyone else how tough this really is.. but instead, she said our 2.4 is equivalent to those 3.4 from locals matriculation and diploma.. and so, justify our choice is right and convince us.. i appreciate it when she tried to convince that the choice is right.

but to me - i understand the chance given to enter local U with that sort of CGPA... but seriously, is 2. something really enough? i have no mean of any offense. just that, do you think with that pointer we could get what we want for future?
a higher CGPA is for us to get the course we want teacher.. not just getting a 'sufficient' or 'cukup makan' pointer to enroll in the local Us..
so how can we compare or just satisfied with a 2.4 or 2.9 or... sigh, not even a 4.0 can guarantee a medicine course now.
so when asked did i made the right choice - what i just did might actually ruined my ownself..
i was 3.5 to 3.3 to 3.2 and now 2.9!!! for me, i failed. that's it.. with myself to blame. yet i did so much which is still insufficient to even reach a 3.. did i made the right choice? i don't know!
all of us are trying so hard to achieve the best, yet most of us really struggled for the moment and couldn't make it.. it's just so 'normal' for us feeling shaky about our choice at the moment..
every emotion is so mixed up now.. isn't it? hmm~

and of course, the bio suspense is now over.. it's a B+
it took some time to settle down. and not talking about it helps.
although i actually expected worse, the feeling ended up just the same after all..
teachers were right - expectation was too high. but i expect the same each time, and always.. to me, i need to set it there, so i know where i must go.. otherwise, the push will not be there.
i am no torturing myself or being hard on my own..
i am just trying to improve and - this is the way..

hey dad, happy father's day..

~ryan k.c~
re-discovering himself...

2011-05-27T17:01:00.003+08:00

27/ 05, it's over. at least... for now

the worst way to end an exam - to screw them all..
feeling so helpless like never before was - extremely miserable..
and to feel the worst disheartened experience again was - unbearable

it really seems like everything just turned against me this month.. sad, really sad. but my teachers were right after all, it's not the real thing yet. time is still there. yeah i do understand. its just that for that moment, i can't take it because that never happened on me, and it's my favourite and strongest paper. i still can't get over it yet. but rather i am thinking how to 'survive' the real deal after this. lol, i thought i had given all that i've got for this, but it turns out really bad. so the question is - how to break the limit? i am no superhero in Final Fantasy where they can undergo 'limit break' eh.

and by the way, i don't actually think that i am in stress. well, everyone is going through the same thing, of course there is stress. well i am told i looked moody. but er... isn't that how i've always looked like? what difference the exam period can make eh? but of course la when exam comes around you stress up a little more eh? get it? sighh, these people. i understand the concern but, i really don't think i am stress that's all. looking moody - alright, its bad. but that's how i looked i think, so i don't think that's called stress. instead i called that scared. okay, scared of the exam that's all. but thanks anyway people.. i am fine

and now, i truly understand the meaning of 'study until vomit'. i really felt it. plus its sickening and suffocating at times.

at times of disheartened - its okay for us to cry. even guys, why not?
well i can't remember how many times it hapened already. but after crying i do feel better and continue doing the sickening - face - the - book. and it happens when people around the world were happily facebook-ing. while we form sixers face the miserable books.
sigh, what a choice of miserable 'no-choice' route of edu-career bridge.
and with the helping hand of something, that really bothers me, it makes things worst. ishh really~
thoughts that the experience that hurted one before won't ever hurt anymore - no longer effective on me. in fact to me, its even more fearful when i 'see it coming straight at me' , yet again. and to feel it again makes my heart pound so hard that i can hear it beating in fear. its really hard to take. things past, but they remained connected and leave scars

want to be fine soon. just hope the holidays washses them away and, move along. the month of may doesn't favour me this time i guess.. one year older, challenges bolder.

~ryan~

oh yeah, that one moment.
you did showed up old man.. thought you won't.

2011-04-23T23:02:00.003+08:00

23/04, the end of a under-performing week..

phew... what disappoint most was having a whole week of under-performing work rate. sigh, barely move my muscles after coming back home. and, sadly.. barely studied anything with the exam around the corner. kinda lost motivation.. i take good, long sleep but i still feel sleepy in school, and tired after school. basically, it's all about sleeping for this entire week. well, preparing for the presentation somehow yea, took away two days away from me.
now, finding the desperately needed motivation to turn the atmosphere around. ... ... is the problem. i don't know how. lol.. still a week away though for sis to come home. one of the needed boost.
well, the motivation however, aren't as bad as what worries most for the moment - chemistry~ sigh, hopefully this time with inorganic, less calculation provides an advantage. oh, chemistry~

22/04, colloquium for MUET RnD,

a part from all the unproductive scenario... well, at least the presentation goes well for everyone, and that... that's it. marks the end of our RnD project, and all left is listening to others' research. it goes well and satisfactory for me as well. nothing went wrong, and i am happy for that. just that it ended a bit, well... dull for me. lol.. ah ah, i didn't mean my presentation, i mean the way the colloquium ended. lol, it's not some massive event though isn't it? taking some pictures with the rest was quite enough after the happening. was a bit shy though, i am the only guy.. didn't know how the picture was like when it's taken. hope it doesn't ruin the girls picture because of me..
the seven girls, now... not alien to me anymore. i still remember the post that i mentioned about them when i was writing about the RnD. well, grateful for the opportunity given to share, work hard and helping each other with these girls.. their hard work makes me work hard too, especially when you hear they have visited here and there, they have done this far, and that group already almost giving finishing touch.. they give you the positive competition, a very competitive one. besides the experience, it's also an honour having know seven of them better and make some good, caring friends. hopefully i am as good enough for them and had not done anything wrong. and, hopefully this bonding will only get stronger and remains as it is for eternity.

* yeekha * shenxi * sze yuen * leyi * shukthing * shu-yi* ka zhi *, you people have done great jobs and the presentation(s) were uncompareable and the best. nothing (no one) will come better than what has become history yesterday. proud of you girls, and happy being in the same group with you people.
thanks alot girls..

and of course pn cheah gave us a lot - pressure! lol... it was hectic, yes teacher.. but regardless, it's all over now and, thanks a lot for your guidance and company, appreciate it alot. but one thing, for a moment.. when changing my slides, i was really sad because i poured day and night effort on it. i do get emotional easily.. well yea, its over now.. glad having you with us..

17/04, it's, just one month away again...

hey pop! =)
its been real long since you stop by for me eh? i heard sis says she dreamt about you alot recently.. so, i guess you went to penang and couldn't find a way here eh? =) just wait little while longer eh.. she will be back soon, just follow her, and make sure she reach home safe.
yea, its almost the fifth year. i am doing fine of course.. just, you know, kinda stressful. but compared to yours those days, nah~ these are all matchless to yours. it was hard on you right those days. i know, now..
well, you'll watch my back eh? make sure you do ya~ your boy could get careless and forgetful sometimes. drop by and hint him kay~
you know.. i need some of your words. what do you say? let's set a date. a month from now.. i will be looking forward to it.. miss you

~daddy's boy~

2011-04-17T17:49:00.004+08:00

16/04, chilling all day long...

MUET today... ended pathetically. it was disappointing.. when i thought i would have improved my reading by doing plenty of exercises before taking the test, it appeared to be - no difference after all! sigh, still got stuck determining the true, false, and not stated part. what the hell, it was really as if i don't know how read. sigh~ and its even worse for my writing. friendship... uh god~ it can be an easy one for many, but hell no for me my friend. i thought it was kinda girl friendly type of question, isn't it? well it is! sigh, i practically had no idea of what i wrote and due to time constraint, my conclusion ended with one sentence - therefore, friendship is most valuable thing in life. WTF!! rubbish, absolutely rubbish..

being so battered up in terms of my mood, lol... fell asleep with the tv on. it's already dawn when i woke up. sat on the floor for some time, statue-ed. yea, when you keep thinking about the band 5, it really bothers recalling how badly you did in the writing part. called my sis and she said - it's over, just get over with it. can do nothing about it already. yea, true. true.. well what eases me was when she said band 4 is better. i am not quite sure, but she said if you got band 5 now, you will have to take a higher unit of english in university. means if i got band 4 i will still have to take a higher one in university, but certainly lower than the one who got band 5. which means, you will make your life easier with an easier english. that was what i understood through what she said. well, if that's the case then.. well, getting a 5 however.. you know pn. cheah, - she will be more than ecstatic. sighh~ well, seems like i am on the track to disappoint you.

well, as Chelsea play West Brom later tonight, i just need them to 'wallup' them and cheer me up, darn it! yet another exit in Champions League. sigh~ honestly it's heartbreaking for us fans. we have been waiting for somewhat, 7 hopeful years i guess. and i can't imagine what would be in Abramovich's mind now. Carlo, i don't want you to go but, i can see you leaving Chelsea by the end of this season. i am not sure how long Blues have not gone through a season trophy-less. but certainly more than half a decade, and we are very well assured the run stops this season. no trophy for us. T.T regardless, Chelsea won the match later tonight.. and, yea. it did cheer me up after all. lol.. but too sad Torres is still yet to score. damn the referee ruled out his goal - offside, my foot la!! go get a surgery for your eyes before coming back running on the sideline again, ref! ishhh.. the strange thing is... Drogba scored in 3 consecutive game now, but the club is still.. under-performing. what a season.. disappointing as well.

oh yea, Sepang F1. haha, it was not too bad after all watching the race live. though i will still prefer to watch at home if i am to watch these kind of races. why expose my body to the sun just to watch one part of the race track. can barely hear what the commentator said too. conclusion - had no idea who was leading. LOL... Sebastian Vettel won though that day. and he will start at pose position again today. at Shanghai i guess.. going there early do have its advantage. we could choose our place to 'picnic' by that on the hill stand. it's very steep though. and the place, Sepang F1 Circuit - Astonishing! that's my description for it. man~ it's freaking huge! i never knew the place would be this.. 'big' really. amazed, really amazed. but to sit there with sounds of bee-like swarming here and there, everywhere.. oh my god, lol. its very exciting in the beginning when the F1 cars are passing by for the first lap, but as it goes on, and on, and on... guess what, i can still doze off. LOL.. no lie. really.. it was kinda boring as the race goes on seriously. or maybe i got tired by the evening of that day. not surprising after all, i must sleep in the afternoon in usual day you see... somehow, spending a day like that, with all your classmates and form 6 mates, mm.. its memorable of course. yea, it's indeed a day to let loose a while. go have fun with friends. i can't remember the last time hanging out with friends like watching movie (apart of those gathering dinner eh) a nice day for sure, if not the greatest.

an overview of part of the circuit, we were at hillstand C3

haha, this was my best shot, two Ferraris in one shot! ^^

it was basically 2 days of 'not doing anything' for last week's weekend. the day before was - open day. =_= surprised actually when being told that we form 6 will have open day. it's not that i worry of what teachers will complain or say, my mom wouldn't understand anyway even if they have anything to say, except pn. lee and pn. cheah la if they use chinese medium. have nothing for them to complain anyway, ahaha.. wait, except for my sleeping habit, mm.. just thought that you know, we are in upper 6 already - all are bunch of young adults already. don't you think it's unnecessary? anyway, the thought of my teachers would have no comment towards me was wrong eh? lol.. they have comments after all. my EQ. pn thenmoli mentioned it first, where i really can't translate it to my mother myself the things she said. i asked shen xi to translate for me instead. i don't really know what they discussed after that. but certainly is about my stress and emotion. is it that bad? 0.o? Lourete wants to see everyone's parents. no obligation she said, but still, from what i saw - everyone's parents went to see her that day. she did not talk to my mom much though, she told me off the things basically. same thing, EQ and stress. there were days i looked terrible and beaten - what i thought was, everyone have that don't they? one thing she said, my emotions may affect others as well. hm, well.. speechless. the highlight was, i was the first ever student she have asked to 'go relax'. - for a moment, i was touched. what do you expect me to say? 'yes teacher i will relax myself in future'? that's impossible.. i just nod my head and kept queit listening to her.. lecture? that day. but i guess if it happens next time, i shouldn't affect the others then. but how eh? lol, pakai cakap saja. hm... ~ryan k.c~

2011-03-19T04:39:00.003+08:00

19/03, can't fall asleep...

first exam was over and it's holiday day 8. yea, day 8 already, that's really quick. i haven't actually felt this until today. school starts and results will be out. i can't stop thinking how i screwed them for the moment. lol.. heizz.. this is the kinda of thing that can really make you feel speechless and really, hilanglah semua mood.
i do understand when friends said 'as long you tried your best'. but ermm.. well, i mean you prepared. and its like days and nights kinda thing. for real, i thought i went all out with everything i could. but look at what i've done for my chemistry.. pathetic, real pathetic.. hmm, no comment about it certainly. but pn.lee sure do have a lot to say on monday, and i already can tell what she is going to say. definitely something very pierceful and, yea.. might have standby some tissues as well. perhaps the method was all wrong. if someone can do well, then there should be nothing wrong or tough about that paper. sighh..
not only chemistry, practically messed up almost every single thing. i realised i did quite some stupid mistakes in bio actually when i was doing my cuti terancang homework. lol, then i was like.. 'what the'.. masa tulis pada khamis lepas tu bukan main confident i tell you. tengok tengok, salah rupanya. heizz.. i think pn.thenmoli will laugh looking at it. lacking preparation i admit for this one. and this is the outcome i guess. hopefully my chance to get an only A won't just vanished like that eh? oh please..

yeah, look at this two joker.. lol, study study, tiba-tiba go kacau my computer

this was yesterday. i mean on thursday. well, the usual three muskeeters doing the usual study group. (anyway, did i spelled muskeeters right? lol) well, not bad la, managed to finish everything except chemistry. at least done what expected to be done. practically finished the remainders on friday. left the PA folio now.
heizz, this is one more thing. of all things, why a folio? frustrating you know.. but looking at some copy paste technique demonstrated by mr lee choon wai that day with my computer, i think i am gonna do the same. lol.. man~ i don't think i will be an idiot spending 18 hours for a folio again. itu pun sampai saya jatuh sakit. hmm, just do some editting should be fine eh. i would prefer she give us something else, a graph, or pie chart, or essay. a folio takes way longer time than this three things united as one.

when i was trying to gather the mood to start doing the chemistry homework, find it really hard to settle down and pick the pencil up. but honestly, i don't feel that way when vas and choon wai was around. practically they arrived and we started right away. except there are some times we will put the pencils down after completing one thing. say i prefer study with friend. erm, when someone is studying with you i think you don't feel alone. plus, it motivates each other i think. you don't stop as long as your friend don't stop. lol, and there are times you challenge each other and see who could solve the damn question first. and of course, it's a helping hand kinda thing. whoever solves it explain it. fun though studying in a committed group. yea, we do chat with our hands moving. (haha, thanks la guys.. i enjoy every study. hope you two do as well)

besides doing homework, what's even more troublesome is the RnD report. we finally gathered everything that we need to write. it's all about putting the things in words now. not an easy task though. and the worse thing is, MUET is the first group to begin with. 'sei mou?!' saya tak jadi tulis lagi pun chapter 3 and 4. there are too many things seriously. absolutely confuse which one should come first. i only managed to do introduction for both this chapter. just two introductions took me half a day though. should i say it's really time consuming or that's the speed i do things? but do feel much relieved actually, right after i finished interviewing inspector yusri from the jail. person in charge of the treatment and rehab department. its a huge jail really. about 4 to 5 thousands prisoners in there he said. glad that he is so~ friendly that it makes everything much more easier and smooth going. he even treat us breakfast there, though they were not luxuries food. but i personally appreciated it alot. the interviews went about for, more than 2 hours.
their department in truth was all along doing great job you see. but drug abuse never seemed to, you know.. 'cool down'. getting released from the prison is one thing itself. same problem, it's so difficult for a former prisoner to get recognition and forgiveness. society stigma that seemed impossible to eliminate. it seems that way, but all we need to do is just change our perception towards them and give them an opportunity. maybe not to every single one, but you will know right when someone is determined to change? well now i am not only referring to the former drug addicts, basically all who went behind bars. going behind the bars is really terrifying you see. if they are out and determined in turning into a new leaf, why not? i mean, since they already received the punishment ordered by the court. but like what i said, you will know when someone really deserves that opportunity.
hmm.. well, it's rather subjective when it comes to one's perception. in anyway, just wanna thank the inspector for spending some time with us on monday. really grateful meeting him.

hah~ but the paper still have to be done. and i have my PA one too. and i just recalled something. MUET too.. personal statement. uh god.. i totally forgotten about it. and i only have two days left.. relax la bro! LOL.. not in the mood to do the thing is. PA don't care already, really ON for copy paste now. lol.. the rest, ahh.. mati sajalah! lol..

~ ryan k.c. ~

2011-02-12T02:11:00.003+08:00

11/02, chinese new year day 9

I can tell, erm... 40 days gone since the last posting here. and it was like 40 days of hell all this while. alright, well.. maybe minus the days for chinese new year celebration. Just 3 weeks since school reopen, and i was already half dead on the 3rd weekend. there were so much to do, especially for PA. damn it its like never ending. sigh... my friend can still joke about my status in facebook that i passed 2 weeks of study in 2011, where there is still 48 left if i am not wrong about what he wrote back then. but that was what he was practically trying to say. well quite funny but true. endless suffer left ahead for us to pick up eh. hmm..

phew, i am unsure why i decided to write now.. i have got a lot to do in reality. maths was usually scheduled for my whole friday. but definitely not today now. yesterday's prayer ended to late, in truth it ended this morning about 2 am. barely had enough sleep eh.. makes it so irresistible to doze off during biology just now in the lab. regardless about the prayer though, i hardly see any girls in the class falling asleep or feeling sleepy all this while. yea, it reminds me that i frequently wonder how come they are so energetic everyday. just where on earth they acquire such an amazing level of concentration and alert-ness? what an admirable trait this is. lol, anyway.. there was a thought before that girls basically have a lower metabolism rate compare to guys.. so~ lol, maybe we tend to feel more tired. haha, that's just an idea to save myself some faces though.

after 8 hours...

lol, i doze off in the afternoon just now, only to wake up on 7. hm.. lol, this is bad. i now kinda forgot what i planned to write earlier.

let's start with today again then. nothing much today, except a little nuisance from my PA teacher. sigh, not that i don't support her idea in making us completing our work during the time given. i am fine with that, but definitely not staying back because being unable to complete it in time. i mean, school days is so tiring and what we really want is get ourself home early everyday and get a deserved rest before continuing our task. what's wrong letting us continue doing the unfinished work at home? i can't see the logic in making us stay back due to unfinished work! seriously, i was stunned when she proposed that to us.. but was forced to hold my feelings back then. i don't think any of my classmates agree on staying back for such an irrational reason. well to me its absolutely perverse. i find her very hard to please, lol.. what a challenge for my firey-temper. sigh...

well, the most pleasing time in school are defintely those with pn cheah. lol, RnD at the end of school day. shu-yi brought her laptop, so she and shuk ting basically did a lot of touch up here and there, everywhere. they are the fastest at the moment i think. le yi and sze yuen, and yeekha and shen xi... lol, we mainly spend our time chit chatting. haha, ka zhi sigh, she as usual la... very quiet. but her work attitude is admirable i would say. ahh, le yi was reading a book to gain some info for her research paper. practically, erm... everyone's progressing very well at the moment. haha, my research paper..?! just did a revisit to Petros and interview the clients there yesterday. i mean the residence in Petros. erm.. yea, they were drug addicts. they were, i am glad to see them successfully got themselve out from drug abuse. and they are really friendly, and helpful.

During the interview yesterday, mm.. there were many mixed feelings before i met them. there was this man showing me the counselling room for me to interview my clients. i thought he is a staff of Petros, but turn out.. he is to be one of the clients that i will interview. lol.. they looked extremely friendly. if you acknowledge their life in the past, looking at who they are today.. you are confident as well, that they really found themselves a new life here at Petros after released from jail. ultimately, they both share a similar reason back then when they decided to make their first try on drugs.

Rufus started due to some peer pressure and a tragic incident that had his heart broken at 17. his mother's departure deals a serious blow in his life. he knew the bads about drugs he says, he was initially trying to free himself from the extreme pain and suffer which he fails to overcome. he had friends that posseses what he needed that moment. instantly, he find himself develop liking towards it...
the second man i met, mr. Liew.. he got involved in drugs as he befriended with some friends who are active in drug activities. he was curious and had his first try at 16. thats how he basically got addicted.
to drugs addicts, getting caught and jailed is almost inevitable for everyone of them. both of them mentioned in their advice, the worst effect of drugs is definitely not dying or any getting physical and mental harm, but the things that a drug addict will do in order to get their desired drugs. crime is inevitable. they felt tremendously sorry for what they had done to the society in the past til they were labelled all sorts of negative tags. simplified, the dangers that drug addicts carry towards the community are what worried most. so at the moment, they had settle themselves down in Petros and doing social and community activities to repay their mistakes in the past.

after talking and looking at their progress, my perception towards these negatively addressed drug addicts in the eyes of society changed after some thinking. besides being touched and overwhelmed by their efforts in turning back into a new leaf, it made me realised that these drug addicts' success rate in leaving drugs in reality, depended very much on us as well. our trust in them again is one thing. what they actually wanted is not forgiveness. in fact, they only want the community to give them a chance, an opportunity to change, to find a new life, and in giving back to the society. after being released from jails, these people are trying to find a new life and if we don't give an opportunity to them, they will have no where to go. that is when they will mix with their drugs friends again as these are the only group that they sure, will accept them. so, we must not discriminate and condemned them but to help them. ignoring them will only make the statistics of drug addicts escalate, which is what we don't want.

asking about their advice, both were pretty similar. Rufus' were 'jangan main' and Liew 'there's no first time for drugs'. in their advice - 'the most irony thing today is, teenagers todays knew everything about drugs and of course their bads and negative effects. but still, they do it' teenagers do know that drugs are bad thing. many have a perception that, they thought they will be able to stop anytime as they know drugs are bad for them. in this case, Liew emphasised - 'this mentality or thinking is devil!' that is what makes teenagers addicted to drugs. also in their contexts, they think that drugs today are far more dangerous compare those in their past, which was abour 25 to 30 years ago. 'i am drug user for 20+ years but appear to be normal in terms of health physically and physiologically. but the effects on teenagers today seems to be far worst' its due to the fact that drugs today are mainly enhanced to give better effect to the users, which place their life hanging on a thread. Rufus also advice to us, that don't be influenced by the comments and challenge given when offered so-called soft drugs. (ganja can be considered as soft drugs. stronger drugs are like heroin) he emphasised, 'drugs are drugs. there's no such thing as soft drugs and hard drugs. all drugs harm you regardless. they are bad things, just don't ever play with them. don't ever!'

I do hope that this post helps to create some awareness, no matter how minimally it would have appear to be. and i hope readers picks up the message, ok? don't try drugs, really.. don't.

here, are Rufus and Liew... keep it up ya~ and i hope they will achieve their resolution and continue leading their new life as well as receiving blessing in helping others in need out there.

~ryan~

2011-01-02T05:06:00.004+08:00

01/01, first day of 2011

and so... 2011 finally took place. hmm, when i was at the countdown with kah weng, yeah. we both agreed it was rather a sad moment for us. 2010, well.. we will missed that year. the 6 months of lower six, full of excitement, stress, suspence, resent sometimes, frustration when it comes to assignments and homeworks, delight and... erm, tiredness. and there is more to come this year. and the 3 months national service, i will never forget the moment. i still remember everything about the first day i have to go tangkas kendiri, but look at it now.. its already a year since then. this is really fast, the shortest year i have experienced so far. its way too fast, isn't it? *smile*

sigh, sometimes wonder when will 'studying' end for me. honestly.. i have been reconsidering my plans about studying medicine lately.. after first 3 weeks of holiday, i have been thinking, half year of form 6 and.. i feel really tired. seriously tired. it makes me don't even dare to think about the 5 years as medic students and the 5 years after graduating to be an official MO. it will be much tougher than this past 6 months i experienced for certain. hmm.. maybe i should really think of something else eh? kinda confused though. well, i guess the main thing now is completing form 6 and see how it goes eh.. i will pray for everyone's well doing this year together..

one thing that really disappoint me recently is the one responsible in doing the plants collection for biology project. i have done my part, and choon wai did his very part as well in ecology. and our plants collection, it was a mess. i have no idea how the hell will we be able to fix this ****, hopefully pn thenmoli understands us thats all. if she can provide no extension.. thats it, there is nothing can be done. i had so much resent where i really want to blame its the person in charge's fault. sigh... it was such a simple task, and he was the one who volunteered eagerly in the beginning, but he contirbuted some kinda speechless thing for us. and i thought i have taken responsibility enough in asking him how was our plants collection going on.. and all he said was 'okay'. i assumed it was going fine and... it wasnt fine after all. it was disaster.. trying to calm myself down, i was telling myself i have fault in letting him do that in the first place, blaming ourselves for trusting him maybe, or should have volunteered to help him or something else... talking about trust, that's what i was really dissapointed to the max about. i trusted him, and that was the biggest mistakes it seems. i really should have just check on his work rather than asking him verbally. i know this will be an excuse, but seriously, i really expected a 18 year old have no problem at doing it at all. everyone can, and countless seniors have done it.. why can't you? we thought this way, what do you think pn thenmoli would have thought. i am almost certain she will not listen to our explainations. it will be unfair for others as well too. this matter caused me a night without sleep couple of days ago(yea, it just happened 3 days ago), but after that, all i can think of was.. there's nothing much can be done other than redoing one. time is certainly insufficient. how about that? seriously, i don't know. we'll just see how it goes.. and the worst thing ever that ingintes the flame in me was this fella is quiting form 6.. fantastic! i felt like strangling that ****** when choon wai told me everything.. i cannot believe this! i think i have gone mad too.. as i am smiling now cause i thought this is funny.. uuh gawd. i guess one outing with kah weng, meng yeelong and boon changes everything. i almost cried the other day and now i am smiling to it. i told kah weng about it, he didn't suggest anything. but was telling me about the countdown plans. while he was pursuading me to join, he said 'let's end 2010 together.' this phrase made me realised to just see things through. will know what to do next. just wait and see how it goes..

31/12/2010, countdown to twenty eleven

3 pm and i took off as planned. me kah weng and boon gathered with yeelong and we had yeelong's mom to send us to sri petaling lrt station. 'this could be the final outing', was how kah weng succeed in pursuading me. he is very right after all. boon will leave to russia, and he will be darn busy in his degree. while me and meng, hardcoring for stpm. sigh.. thinking about all this makes one emo. once at chinatown we begin looking for suitable hotel to overnight. we finally found one after more than an hour search, resisting hunger hours long. we came to this 'Tang City Hotel' lol, suits kah weng very much too. we check in, playing monopoly deck in the meantime waiting for meng to arrive. haha, this monopoly cards are not bad though, at least i don't feel childish playing it.

i thought of the game needed some sort of maturity and strategies. we set off for dinner immediately after meng arrive, everyone was starving.

stepping foot into Pavillion the 2nd time after a short trip with monorail. we ate at Wong Kok and chat for a little there. i liked every sort of these moments, it makes me forget the world. just indulge myself with the foods and conversation. the countdown concert outside sungei wang begins at 2130, we waited for more than hour for that. its darn packed, and before anything started, the road was considered clean to me. by 2100 the road was already packed and everyone was kinda like sandwiching each other. thats the first time i been to a concert live like that. well, in truth.. its not as high or as entertaining as i thought. i can barely see a thing with pitiful height of mine. lol.. and, its hot. plus, safety.. you just have to stay alert and look around you constantly. you know the people 'here', i am not joking you see. many people around me and kahweng lost their belongings. there are people budging in and went away after standing for a while. they have 'hooked' something i believe when they leave.

three pretty girls behind us lost phones.. hmm, well.. things happen. me and kah weng? haha, we never leave our hands out of our pocket during the whole concert. it was rather tiring putting hands in the pocket like that. and, not much freedom too. we can't even raise our hands when the artists request for it. lol. but no choice, me and kah weng agreed even leaving our hands for a second is enough for us to regret 'kau kau' we see the concert through, and 5 minutes left to twenty eleven... thats when kah weng told me he was actually sad about it and asked me my opinion. yea it was rather sad. i have received much happiness this year, one surprise, and some memorable achievements too. indeed many goods had happened. unlike the previous 4 years. nothing like those days at all. other than emo-ing in studies, many things had turned well.

when the screen display 18 and so on... everyone count til 0, and fireworks begin. i wanted to upload the fireworks as well, but it was over 100 mb. trying to figure out how to upload it..

ahaha, i figured it out... just re-record it.. LOL. but its funny, i think because the frequency of the surrounding was kinda messed up... the video is rather almost soundless when the fireworks were played.

me and kah weng looked at each other for a moment with some kinda mix expression.. it wont rewind after all, let's end this together. happy new year my friend. and happy new year everyone! there it goes, another year ended. so what's my new year resolution kah weng asked. i said i don't know. lol, i never thought of one really. 4.0 i guess, what else i would have wanted for the moment. mm, maybe a girlfriend? haha.. or maybe not just yet since its stpm.. but actually, i dont mind if i happen to get one lol..

ch.. after the countdown it was a mess, and chaotic. that's malaysia? i somehow felt really bad and wondering how the foreigners think of us. after the party, the road was full of rubbish.. horrifying. one careless sight on where you're walking, and you can fall on the ocean of aerosol cans. also, watch your precious head. you might get a 'head shot for nothing' by god knows who threw the aerosol cans everywhere. one got a head hot when me and kah weng was making our way to the monorail in such a chaotic environment. its terrible. sigh, i thought it should be a happy occasion or somewhat a day of celebration.. but it ended up like that, what a way...

we took a difficult time to regather and travel back to our hotel. hah, haha... put our things down and its time for supper. so went midnight strolling lookingfor foods. ate at this so caled famous noodles restaurant. the cooks are good. comes with quantity too lol. its about 0230 when we returned to our room again. no, none of us slept that day. will you sleep if it was you? lol.. i bet many don't. just chit chatting, waiting turns to bath and joke around. when we were playing monopoly again... this brilliant yeelong and meng thought of some 'sauna' magic. lol, since the hot water was so darn hot, they open the hot shower and close the washroom door. lol, the washroom turn into sauna room. seriously, its no joke. it worked.. lol, if you guys wanna do free sauna thats how you do it. haha... so they went in and sweat the hell out for a couple of times. but i think meng retrieve the fats back when we ate char siew in the morning. lol.. he ate he most though.

we spent whole night laughing no body's business and video-whoring too. and its even better when no one came to us complaining our noise. we were really noisy. i have never laughed like this for so long. hah.. that night was definitely worth remembering. the morning turns real bright and its time to leave. everyone was exhausted but none were showing it.. we looked energetic during breakfast. some simple chee cheong fun and i ate porridge with yau zhar guai. once we get on the bus, everyone fell asleep i am sure. i did too of course. but no one missed the destination eh. i am the last one home of course. its about 930 when i finished bathing.. after that, sleep of course. i woke up in the night watching football and doing homework. and now its already the next day morning. sighh... well hope i find more than last year to cherish.

meng surrendering after boon faught back from his bully..

boon posing... peace!

kah weng posing.. yeee~ lol. his trademark

meng scared of boon adi.. haha

haha, its meng inside.. that fella reacted after peeping yeelong bath.. pervert!

he can't sleep.. can't get over with what he saw.. traumatised maybe??! lol, just jokin, yee long =P

heehee...

this could be last pic before he leaves..

alright.. they can't take it anymore.. let them sleep for 10 minutes.. haha

Happy New Year! ^^

~ryan k.c

2010-12-21T21:31:00.024+08:00

21/12, rainy night

i was thinking that it was a good day with kinda great weather the whole day today, chilling morning, a warming afternoon and ended up raining in the night.. i woke up this morning only because vas gave me phone call, otherwise i have no idea until when i will stay asleep. mom's not in so me and my sisters have to settle our meals ourselves.. well, we went to pappa rich for our lunch and again had my favourite pappa nasi lemak. haha, and yeah lunch right away.. or perhaps you may call it a breakfunch since it looks like a 2 in 1 meal. lol

hmm... when i woke up this morning, there's only one thing in my mind.. damn it i haven't touched any of homework. oh nope, i did not touch them yet today as well. ahh, tak tahu la macam mana. i tahu la masa dah suntuk. still haven't got the mood to do it yet. haiz, i just gotta say this again. that's why i hate holidays sometimes..

Recap of the month...!

10/12, first time ever stepping into PJ...

well, holidays did start month ago. but ultimately the first 3 weeks doesn't seemed like a holiday to me yet. haha, jokin.. i was just big talking. haha, the first 3 weeks was just wasted to do R&D. i don't that long actually, but you know when it comes to seeking someone else's help, and it got worst when they don't give a damn on you... that's why you will tend to take up more time.. but anyway, to an unknown inspector, i really thanked him alot for really helping me out in answering the questionaire letter. lol, he didn't even mentioned his name when he helped me. and in truth, i don't even know whether or not he is an inspector. though i actually prefer to interview him live, but what to do.. this narcotic department gives no chance for me to do that. i wonder why.. mm, they did say its down to the head to decides, but... yea la. why the heads got problem with me interviewing them la.. ishh... but somehow feel relieve eh, when i got all i wanted on last monday. and that, should be my last trip to serdang police headquarters, i tak nak pergi situ lagi!!

ahaha, i talked so much yet i haven't actually tell what i did on the 10th december. lol.. i went to this...

Bangunan Persekutuan Petaling Jaya

yup, its the bangunan persekutuan that i went to. this time, its to meet the people from adk to interview them. its a she. haha, that's why i think things went a lot easier than dealing with the men in serdang. lol, that's i feel... ladies are easier to work with i guess. you know, men and their ego..

posing before going in the building.. lol, ss betul

haha, i was happy with my performance that day. no shivering, no speaking problem, nothing.. lol. i was kinda surprise actually. pn cheah was suppose to follow us go there weyh.. she ditched me last minute before going there. seriously... apalah ini pn cheah. lol.. summore challenged me saying that shuyi's group go by themselves la, shen xi's group go by themselves la, le yi's group go by themselves la... speechless.. habis malu la i kalsu i paksa cikgu i pergi dengan i.. tak bule tak bule.. sebab tu la i mati mati pun kena pergi. takut pulak masa tu.. swt la pn cheah. she should have just tell me la she insist me to go by ourself when i ask her to go together. bazir i punya phone credit lagi..lol. but seriously, i used a record breaking 70+ bucks phone bill weyh this 2 months.. call sini, call sana. habis... sob... sedihnya. haha, anyway... everything went on very well and we get what we went there for, and all that left to do is to visit the private organisations one. well that, erm.. that will have to wait. aku nak enjoy la kejap holiday ni.. sebab R&D ni la aku holiday pun tak aman la. nak main sana sini pun takut orang dari polis station call. lol, will see.. when the time comes.

17/12, a wonderful reunion..

it was a month ago since i had planned to call some 'long time no see' friends out for a dinner.. haha, but it seems like i had just seen some of them on the 13th december actually. haha, choon wai tell me on the phone he was going for basketball on that day. since some of the friands are the ones that i rally wanted to meet, so i went uninvited. lol, thank god i am welcomed there. before that i was kinda sad because of the rain, no one was there except me and choon wai. haha, these guys are weirdos ya. they all appear only after the rain. thought they were not gonna come eh.. haha luckily everyone turned up and we play! seriously, that should be the funniest basketball game i had ever played before. haha, maybe the condition of the court after the rain played a role in the funny game too. that match caused me a body ache the next day. lol.. but it was worth it.

then yeah... haha, we meet again on friday for dinner. it's at pappa rich.. yes, pappa rich yet again. LOL... and you're absolutely right.. its pappa nasi lemak again. LOL... we sat there about 2 hours i think before moving over to meenas for tea again. hahh, eevern was damn right, we should really hang out more like that. it was a great time. currently they are having exams soon. eevern seems to set sight on something to do with aircraft engineering i think.. he wanted to be a pilot actually as i remember. jane's going to aussie next year, for food tech. haha, she can meet pui yee there.. good for pui yee, having a childhood friend there with her. we did nothing much that day... we just chat the whole night until we have to leave although having much to say. haha. thanks a lot guys.. let's hang out again like that soon and more. to jane, well if i don't manage to meet with you again after this, good luck to you for days in australia. ^^

grown up childhood buddies...

18/12, elemis skin and beauty's 4th opening

Elemis Skin & Beauty

it was 0930 morning when soon boon called telling me to go to his place right away. lol, i planned to go in the afternoon after the dinner last night. but anyway i still went at 10. haha, glad that i went that time too. it was the registering number made me winning the lucky draw prize. LOL... it's the very first ever lucky draw prize i have ever received. though the products are not suitable for me. lol.. my sisters and my mom can use it. the opening was no joke ya.. two artist were there and a politician was there as their special guest. the artists well, are the ambassador for elemis. haha,but what i basically did was just taking some pictures and wait for boon to have a lunch together.. hehe, and i got to eat some cakes too. fuh.. chun giler cake tu. lol... i sat down with boon in the saloon for some rest before going to ioi mall's little taiwan for some snacks as our lunch and spent hours there chatting and of course catching up with each other's stories. haha.. barely had enough rest to recover from the tiring dinner last night. i was really exhausted in the night. phew.. but, i enjoyed the day. =)

A picture with the owner's family (boon's mom and brother)...

but er, lol... the owners were not in it. the son was there(the kid there)

erm this one... haha, we were posing to promote elemis for free. LOL...

haha, boon asked me to post this in elemis's facebook page to promote

i didn't... yet. =P i did it here instead

this is just a take 2 from the previous one.. but, i have got idea whos that miss over there.. ???

i posted this cause i think i looked good in this one.. lol

20/12, sunway lagoon here i come

sadly, this is the only picture i managed to take... well, at least i had a nice shot

hongshen came back about 2 weeks ago. haha, i woke up quite early so i went to his house to chat a little with him before going to the amusement park. sigh, anyway... i don't really liked amusement park. it's terrifying though the playing moments were hell yeah.. fantastic. well, it seems like hongshen in singapore had no problem at all ya, haha i have every faith in him he will just do well there. he got a year left there and setting sight for UK.. good luck to him eh...

haha, i dengan yang tumpang kereta i punya semua sampai dulu. haiz, we waited there macam orang tak tentu arah for them so long. entrance fee 60 buks.. sob, i have been using alot lately yo.. mati la i later. haha, surprisingly, pui yee came back!! lol, she joined us right after coming the day before. she came although her mom actually don't allow her eh.. anyway, after i enter the park, lol berapa bucks i guna pun i tak ingat lagi la. the whole day was fun and ecstatic, except the one hour dizzyness and vomitting. LOL swt man. its still the same. sigh, that's why la i don't really liked amusement park. i should have just played in the water park. after the first 2 pirate ship ride, dizzy level low plus zero urge of vomit. after the spinning cup... dizzy level medium plus vomit urge, high.. lol, after the tomahawk thingy i KO adi la.. sad case betul. missed some of the things.. shouldn't have went to the extreme ones eh in the early stage. lol.. but anyway its still fun.. its only an hour discomfort though. and looking for the rest in the rain was oh my god!! whoo..! thumbs up. haha, and managed to lpay in the water a while with them, i was just too tired to continue playing. i have no idea where the 5 ladies get their energies to continue having fun at god knows where!? while the rest of us waited for them for more than an hour, all looking hungry and beaten. kesian kita orang. lol, i said i was going to bombard them when they arrived. LOL bullshit betul la i ni.. i said nothing in the end. lol..

we went to kuchai lama for buffet dinner. but pui yee and boon were not there lo. hongshen too, his mom cooked. budak ni memang, obidient. hehe, i swept more than 30 pieces of grilled pork there. and little of other foods, nothing much were in my favour though last night. and the watermelon juice was so huge and i can finish it. thanks to kah weng, watermelon juice BESAR. i should have just say a regular one for me. so, we continued la chat while we were eating. kah weng seems to be really enjoying his holiday after his finals. those in utar will have their exam next week, good luck to them eh.. jo yee had to go as soon as possible at about 2130 i think.. so i send her back, with chelsia choon wai and hui qian.. the rest are leaving soon too, so it doesn't matter la. phew, another tiring day. i did have the feeling not to bath and just doze off... lol, but i quickly bath and sleep la.. i am particular about my hygiene.

haha, this afternoon i took the fern out again from pressing. i think after about 4 weeks period it should be real flatten and dried eh??! 0.o

this how i pressed the fern for almost 4 weeks.. arhh, habis kemek kau!!

don't underestimate that 'paper one' box my friend. its almost as heavy as i pack of 10kg rice eh..

well it looked really flatten, and a little crispy too. but whether or not its fully dried, no idea. but i still laminted it though. haha... i can't wait anymore, plus the actually time from the manual states only 2 weeks. i did almost 4 weeks so i guess it should be okay..

the piece of fern after i laminated it...

after that i continued making the box for my insect collection. haha, since vas called in the morning, might as well i just make it today and when they come tomorrow for the 'Insect Pinning Ceremony' lol... it can be alot easier.

in the beginning, i took the cardboard from the tv box and measure the desired length and width. and of course i would have took longer time without my sister and her apparatus helps. haha, thanks a lot la ha...

After taking the measurement... potong~ potong potong potong~ haha, cut la. with my sis's blade. then fold them up into a box and PVA glue comes in. wahh, seriously my sis's glue, no jokes weyh.. kau kau kena lekat...

after cutting it, make it into a box! ahaha.. simple eh? lol, have nothing better to do posting how to make a box... no proper instruction pulak tu.. hehe...

rather than waiting for them to place the insects, i did it first since i drafted the arrangement...

teehee.. these 2 are my favourite butterflies.

the longhorn beetles..

this one for me, is the most stylish one among the longhorns..

the others small insects...

an overview of the insect collection project.

- ryan kc

2010-11-19T15:49:00.003+08:00

19/11, no class today...

sigh, holiday supposed to take place now, but... still have to attend school for at least another week. that's at least, who knows what will happen next. nanti kang lourete kata syllabus tak habis, datang lagi satu minggu. i looked at pages left she have to cover, about hundred plus pages left. thats... haiz. i don't think a week is enough. hm.. besides, have got some chemistry experiments to be completed and some bio projects... haha, the insects are ready i guess. my group members went to buy already yesterday... without me. sad... i have got some matters to do in serdang. about my R&D. ish... now thinking about makes me pissed. i susah payah appointed the Inspector of the Narcotics department... when i went there, the head says he will have to monitor and filter the details before they can provide them. so, no choice... we have to go after telling our purpose. ended up doing nothing la means. sigh... i was so nervous and excited adi to interview.. mana tau?! cakaplah di telefon awal awal.. geramnya.

seriously, i thought after the exam, its will be like.. you know, a little let loose. but hell no! the schedule became even packed. its like there are so many things to do all of sudden. bio ecology, insects collection, plants collection, bio experiments, chemistry experiments, maths class going on plus the topic is in my opinion very difficult, my R&D stuffs - making calls and appointment with stangers, then the R&D report also... sigh, exhausting, real exhausting. hah... luckily there's not much left now. except chemistry and the R&D, the research project will be long term. the topic is tough seriously... thanks to pn cheah.. sigh. well, i am not the only one going through ths though, all other classmates too. so, yea, i shouldn't really complain.

hehehe, i asked vas to buy some insects for my own too..25 are for our insect collection project. kaka, belum tengok lagi, semua di rumahnya sekarang. haha, i tak sabar wanna see already actually =P but no choice, takkan i nak sengaja pergi ke rumah dia untuk tengok. so next week monday after school will be the time. ^^

5/11, shock of my life...

well, its was still the deepavali holidays during this time if you remembered... and its a day hard for myself to forget either. its my first accident. =( sedihnya~ just a slight scratch and slight dent to my door though, but the other one... what the hell, the whole bloody bumper... "BRANG" so unbelieveable. habis jatuh! lol, my mom's 9 years old waja isn't that bad after all i guess. or maybe that fella's car is even older than my mom's one. lol, i was so afraid that moment. not knowing what to do. but thank god, i have my friends with me that time. if meng, yeekha, choon wai and sankher (a new friend i just knew) were not there, i am gone case for sure. seriously thanks a lot guys.
well, it was supposed to be thessigam's open house that day. so some classmates and i went there to spent a little time. haha, i reached there the earliest, and the latest to leave as well. lol, because of the damn accident. it happened right outside his house. what a day~ i picked choon wai up before going there. shu yi and shen xi were the second to arrive... then, meng came with yih ying and yeekha.. phitak came too. but through out the day some of singgam's friend came too. haha, thats how i know sankher. the food is great... and the TV, oh my god.. lol, now i know how HD really differ from the normal ones. i was really stunned watching it. thumbs up! jealous as well. lol.. ahaha, we went playing fire crackers after the lunch..

haha, took this picture when we were playing the fire crackers... photo by yeekha

haha, its fun. the last time i played fire crackers is standard 6, yes i am sure of that. i play every year when its chinese new year, my dad didn't like it though, but my mom pampered me.. so i get to play. yeah.. i stopped playing because i felt that its wasting money, at least a little mature knowing its wasting money. plus, i think cos i got my playstation 2 already that time, so i was indulged playing the console instead of the fire crackers. nah...get back to the point.later that day all that i do was chit chatting with singgam's friends at the dining table. no i don't know them. but shu yi and shuk thing was around too at the dining table. lol, others were playing cards. shuk thing came over during the time we were playing fire crackers. so here i met this sankher la.. haha, we were chatting mostly about south korea.. ahaha, he is an indian but likes korean pop group..rare case, for me. lol, salute..
so..when we had enough spending our time there, its time for us to leave. but so unfortunate for me, sigh... accident happens. ishh, damn potong steam.. it was suppose to be a great day, but the ending was... sigh...

6/11, pn. thenmoli's open house...

ahaha, i put the set backs behind me kinda fast and drove to teacher's house. well, i make myself drive to a few place before driving to teacher's house though. to get back my confidence in driving, i thought its important. lol, takut adi la one time..

i picked up kritheka and hui qian before going there. and i had basketball with my friends and ex classmates in the morning.. hah~ haha, miss those days we play basketball and football. well, meeting adam again is great. he is off to ipoh if not mistaken to study aircraft engineering i think. good luck for him ler. when we reached there sze yuen and shu yi is already there. haha, so this time i am not the first to arrive. LOL.. once there the first thing teacher said was 'eat!' lol, funny la teacher. hi also haven't say, she uttered 'eat!' i did not eat much though, some kinda stomach upset again in the morning. after that a big group arrived, classmates including the grop from thessigam's open house except choon wai and shen xi.. dunno, but i think they have tuition gua... so... the more the merrier it seems. and we got a stranger. lol, a friend of joshua..

ahaha, i thinks because its teacher's house,so no one mentioned about playing cards.. instead theyplayed with some colour pencils, big ones.. and started performing arts on their hands and face.. i was outcasting myself, sleeping. lol, wonder why... feel sleepy that day. some were watching a dunno indian or hindi movie la... and you know what, its HD again. lol, teacher's house also equipped with HD. and i got even jealous.. lol, two days consecutively. well, didn't spend too long there though... teacher served us with some tea before we leave. and we managed to snap some group photos before leaving... haha, and this time... safe and sound journey back home. ^^

there are few snaps though, but this is the best shot i guess...^^ photo by sze yuen

well, just before signing out look at this...

haha, i had my first facial wash yesterday... i snapped this la when the 'jie jie' went out.
well, and look at my hair...sigh, sad case la... ishh, holiday soon already wert.. lourete went and mention my name in the meeting, afraid of no one know about it. and as if the teachers don't know. even pn joylena isn't that mad. she can joke with me summore. i cut cos i do not want anything to happen on pn cheah. if its not because of pn cheah, hmph... jangan harap la i potong rambut i.. she is really something, talk to my teacher instead of me.. fuh, 'kou jiu' , great technique... and you know it's 100% working.. thumbs up.

haiz.. its just a hair though. i don't know how people will think looking at my hair. i don't care too, as long as i like it. and i don't judge a person by their hair weyh come on.. i know its against the school rules, but i wasn't thinking of doing anything to my hair until pn cheah came heart talking to me.. seriously, she got the technique right.. yea, great job. for me hair is hair, and i am me. sighh, haha... geram la of course. but it's over now. writing this cos tak puas la~ lol...

ryan k.c.

2010-11-03T18:00:00.008+08:00

03/ 11, holidays begin...

whoo... haha, the holidays begin now. hehe, well its Deepavali now. Happy Deepavali to all, especially my indians friends who are celebrating their new year.
erm... i am still feeling very tired though. lol, cos my mom let me have my massage yesterday... says i always complaint about my back pain. it was damn painful weyh... she seems effortless when she was massaging.. but the pain was, man~ i still feel it now. shoulder and calve. no joke seriously... lol, and that mak cik says, my blood capillaries and vessels around the back is jammed?! lol, that... mm, i refuse to believe. haha, at such age... no high cholestrol or what so ever... blockage of blood ciculation pula.. and also said the muscles around the back was harden. well this one i can believe la, lol cos i feel it too. afterall the massage is relaxing la, i managed slept soundly at least...and woke up early too. ^^

hmm... most of the finals results are out already. except for PA. i really think i might have just failed my PA. or maybe almost failed.. ahh, generally its going to be the worst subject lar... in so many years of exam, this is the very first time i did an exam, 'shooting' from question 1 right up to 45. 46 to 60 are calculation, just like normal maths, so its not a problem. pn cheah did looked at me, and i signal a hand pistol... haha. she laughed. pn lee asked 'finished?' i said ' yes, but it's because i don't know how to do..' lol. hahh, what to do.. its really helpless for this subject.
so far, i am satisfied with the results. but MUET is a bit disappointing. pn cheah expected more and i could understand. this time was really under par. her comment was 'not your usual standard but can be understand due to exam condition', 'its not and excuse though as you have set the standard'... hmm. yeah, my timing was totally out when i was writing. barely had enough time to complete it in time, plus the 7 minutes wasted in the toilet. stomach ache, i couldn't help.
well, thanks to choon wai and vasyanthan i did well in my maths. we did group studies twice the week before exams. i picked them up to my house, and send them home in night. that 2 days was... yeah, thanks to the group studies. thanks guys! i really appreciate it! =)
and bio, i did well. just that, not the top bio student this time. it went to somebody else. they really are something eh? and the one who said 'i give up already'... there she go again. i knew i was right, she was all talks!! lol.. haizz, i thought i had gave everything... haha, but no worries though. that more or less gave me motivation to go again the next time. its not about winning and losing, its just a positive competition to achieve the highest, and also getting the best out from myself. i said earlier, i want to be like them.. knowing its impossible, so... 'almost there' is ain't that bad after all. ^^

post-exam...

It Has To Be You - YeSung(Super Junior) [Cinderella's Stepsister MV]

my first activity was, WATCH TV!! lol... Cinderella's Stepsister. the best drama series i ever watch. even better than Silence. haha, i spent two days to finish watching the drama series. and 2PM's Taecheon in it was... lol. thumbs up. the next one will be Baker King, Kim Tak Goo... both of them were actually casted on KBS, but i missed all of them practically. thanks to homeworks and my 'must' afternoon sleep. should be start watching it tonight, so that i could continue with watching Chelsea's Champion's League group stage against Spartak Moscow. 2.45 am if i am not mistaken. now that i could watch in my own room, its really exclusive. =P

alright, my last words... Happy Deepavali yet again to everyone, and have a great holiday after the hectic exam, before resuming with our usual routine. haha, now i remembered. the last post states i realised one or two things. but i actually wrote one. lol, now i recalled it. the second thing was, realising that its already Upper Six... i am almost certain that the time will be like lightning fast next year. well, since its new year lol... wish that all of us will continue this journey with joy, and ends with success.. ^^

~ryan~

2010-10-30T17:38:00.003+08:00

30/10, one day before october ends...

*lettting out a huge breathe* here we are... the october ends.
and the finals too.. only one piece of paper left - PA1. sigh... the other day i said ' bio would be hardest subject to read'... but now think of it. perhaps, PA1 should be the one. not biology.. well, regardless the field of coverage of bio, there's always heart, determination, and willingness to read it.. though biodiversity was something really brain torturing. seriously, only those who have go through it would understand. Pn. thenmoli revealed- 'i understand... i hate too you know. i hate to study about plants and so many other species.. ' at some point, she said she could not understand as well.. why she had to study so hard to teach... well, she actually told me a lot of times when we talk. but she is still doing it.. she is probably just, complaining over her hardship.. she love teaching still.. chapter 21 - 25 is a hard time. we went through it and now all we got to do is focus on the new interesting chapters.. she say its going to be tough. its all so in depth, that as if we are all studying medicine.. hmm...well, who would have not knew it before they enter form 6?

its not only about bio though in our 18 months.. after the exam week, i realised one or two things. i have said long long ago...that i am prepared for a form 6 life. i guess its all lies. or merely just words to comfort myself. in truth.. i am not. the finals for instance... it made me realise how terrible my preparations are. long ago too, i have no idea how many times i had told myself that 'no eleventh hour studied and preparation'. but in the end, yeah..it happened. i did not walk the talk.. i am all talks... implications, i got so tensed up. phew... thank god the papers did not end up as bad as i have imagined. but my PA2 and MUET writing... i did not manage to finish them. its a shame. i have never experienced this.. its really sad case to think about this 2 papers.. sighh..

and that yih ying... Aishh, how could she say she gave up, for bio mainly, and will not care.. she was so indifferent.. to the extend that i have lost the idea to communicate with her. her words really crushed my confidents and my 'cannot fail' spirit when she uttered it. she looked damn serious too. its like, if she would have say that, it will be as if i am going to fail for sure. but after that i saw the worries painted all over her face, and.. well, i guess she is all talks too. i consider it as humble-ness. on top of that, i know she will top the list again. no one will have any idea of how much effort she put in to reach the level she is at now. it might take a lifetime for me to reach her stage, or the likes of hongshen and my sister... i didn't mean to compare, i just.. well, just wanna reach that level as well. haha, look.. i am all talk again. talk with no action. hmm, no worries.. i am not that naive, say... i don't have the cutting edge(not as gifted as they do).

hahh... after the biology papers, haha, i can finally breathe again. lol, guess what pn. lee said when she passed by the class before MUET reading, 'you better do well in your biology today ar!! your chemistry is so~ terrible.' lol, you can say i could not care much that moment as i got something more important to worry about that moment. and i had no idea the 'you' refers to the whole class or me alone. because i told her in the first exam i spent all my time on bio and got bombarded from her. well the bio paper, haha.. luckily there's no biodiversity on structures.. that was biggest relief of all. haha, at least i affored a smile to the paper after seeing no biodiversity. ^^
and yesterday, pn.lee already gave us back our chemistry papers. we did it on wednesday and she finished marking in not even 24 hours. she is really something... lol. my heart was pounding to death when she distributes the papers. hahh, well.. B+ this time, but should have done better. some really stupid careless mistakes as usual. but satisfied overall.. improved a little, so i guess i shouldn't feel bad somehow. just have to improve again the next time.

phew.. after 4 hours of blogging, i wrapped up all i wanna say for now.. well, that's for now.

~ signing out~ ^^

2010-10-30T14:55:00.015+08:00

23/10, wong's wedding dinner...

ahaha, this is the very first time attending a dinner of such occassion with a bunch of friends. its wong's wedding dinner!! helping her out at her house in the morning is our very starting point. haha, she is probably the most pretty fella on earth on that day... on that day only. LOL... the ceremony is typical of course. but what special is... haha look at this

err... alright i have no idea why my face is like that...lol, but i was about to adjust the position of my specs.. anyway why am i explaining.. haha.. look at the... Human Powered Transport! LOL i have no idea what that thing is in english!! this is embarassing. okay~ look at the 'fa kiu' !! haha, thats how the bride is carried to the paternal's home for second tea ceremony. fun ain't it? haha... wong have got so many fans along the way. Aunties!! LOL..

and this picture resembles the ending of our pretty enjoyed morning. look at the new marriage. perfect match aren't they? ^^

haha, but the tiring morning was just the beginning... there was plenty to come in the night. ^^ the night.. i reached there quite early.. haha, orang kahwin i pula yang nampak cemas.. lol. but well, my teacher says 5.30, means 5.30 la i go... though i reached at 6 la... lol. adalah, jam ma itu traffic. i appear myself to wong first at their room. haha, i was really out of my world there. pretty awkward being someone so strange to her family members and mr.ong's family members. we went down after mr.ong is ready, to get ourselves prepared as well to usher those invited. but of course the people have not arrived this early la.. boon and the girls arrived already so we were spending sometime together again at the hallway at the moment.

and then, this guy showed up...lol

there's no one else other than the only handsome whom always twirl his hair like nobody business. yes... mr. tang kah weng. he finally showed up after MIA for so~ freaking long. i miss him la of course. haha, thanks to the dinner we meet again. he is busy for trial all the while, hah, i know... ^^, now he has to prepare for finals.. he is a hardworking one. he seriously give everything he has for his exam.. i think i have a lot to learn from him now.. where did all the spirit suddenly came from. he indeed changed even more this year. i see a different kah weng SPM, now he is totally different again. haha, he will do well. i have faith in him. no problem la kah weng!! you can do it..^^ all the best ya..

well back to our dinner... he arrived, and soon yin hong yee long and sze yang arrived too.. after spending some time chit chatting, the guests are finally here and we begin our simple tasks. haha, we were all still chit chatting actually even when we were doing our ushering.. things are done when everyone is here. after that, its all about sit down and enjoy the dinner!! haha, i thought that our table is quite passive for some moment, but when mr. ong came by and give a toast.. whoa, and with some of them 'high' adi after the alcohol had reacted on them.. it was as if its our night.. lol, after that wong came by too.. she is half drunk i believe. she keeps telling us her appreciation to her students, and we 'yum' again... i got tea all over my stomach with the fantastic dishes. we only went wold when things end. lol, camwhoring til yee long's camera is both battery and memory out. lol.. indeed fun.

haha, all smiles... ^^

yess... you have no idea what these fellas dare to pose.. lol

and of course... you have no idea what i dare to pose too!! =P

smile again...^^

me and yee long with mr. ong...

ain't we cute?! LOL....

and this one... seriously, wong is gonna kill you hor yin hong...

hmm... a week has gone since then, believe it or not... i felt things like just happened last night. lol... mdm. wong, really... i am sincerely, wholeheartedly happy for you. best wishes from me... 'wo zhu ni men bai tou xie lau' forgive me if my pinyin is wrong again.. and haopefully you guys will have babies very soon, ^^ which will be either my 'kai sai lou' or 'kai mui mui'.. i hope you remember that you said this, lol... you were half drunk that moment.

well, and when you burst into tears, you said we made you emo and yo uwanted to cry.. i knew you were just touched.. really touched i know. you kept saying 'thank you', that you did not actually know how much of that phrase i owe you. my success in SPM i would say, despite many are involved.. but you were the one who gave me the biggest motivation of all to really do well. without you, i don't think i can even score B for SPM.. i kept my promise though... A+ for my chemistry. i was so afraid that i might let you down, but thankfully, it all went well. only that the ShoGun have not entered my alimentary canal yet.. lol

when you invited us students to your wedding since last year.. i was thinking that you might just joking.. well you know, inviting students to her wedding dinner.. it sounds kinda random. and unnecessary.. but look at these, it really happened. i actually feel very grateful to be invited. the appreciation you expressed to us for the minute help and assistance through out the wedding, those are the least thing i could do for you. when i ask you out for a drink, although you have to go through busy schedule and... you are out once you promised me.. and listen to my nonsense, whining and complaints. not even my sisters treat me that way..lol. i really appreciate the time you listened to your 'ma fan', 'ngam cham' and tearful student here. after all, i am just a student of yours.. or you can say, a nobody to you.. so who should be the one who say 'thank you' now?

while you were losing control on your tears before sending you back to your room.. you hugged me and said... 'i want to see you success in your form 6 as well as in future'. i said i will.. well, its a difficult thing to do and you know that. i said i will but i am not sure i can promise you this time. but i will definitely give my all. and hey, last words, thank you for the invitation.. thank you for the motivations.. thank you for the knowledge.. thank you for the support.. thank you for your concern and care.. thank you for everything.. thank you, teacher.. ^^

Congratulation, Ong Kim Leong & Wong Lee Fong

2010-10-30T13:07:00.003+08:00

21/10, haircut...^^

well, just simply another ss moment of mine after the haircut. taking picture of my own. its not much a happy thing though, got bombarded by lourete on monday.. haha, prepared though. i knew this will happen. =P

hehe... how about it eh? ^^

2010-10-12T01:28:00.002+08:00

12/10, two weeks from finals..

sigh... thats the usual expression of mine when an exam approaches. hm.. everyone seems to looked fine, in fact they looked very, steady? i mean my classmates.. i wonder if they just didn't show it. or maybe most of them already prepared for it.. me? i don't think what i have done so far can be considered as started preparing.. haha, yeah thats why i am kinda worried now. you know... not sure whether there's enough time to complete all the revisions.. but no worries in terms of getting the mood to get balls start rolling. lol, cos others' already start rolling, so i have to..
the main concern... biodiversity for Bio, i have no idea how to study this chapter.. i planned to just read through this topic, close one eye....thats it! lol.. but i am sure i will hesitate when i hold the book and pn. thenmoli's notes... hmm.. i even ask soKy how she studied this topic in the past... ' i read so many times until i feel like vomitting'.. thats how far she went. though she did not actually vomitted reading it la..lol. it shows how uneasy this chapter is.. and its seriously boring one. that makes things harder.. i kinda have a feeling there will be an essay coming out from this chapter.. hope i am wrong.

our RnD finally started.. the topics are settled. my group will be doing research on drug abuse, in general.. i will be looking into efforts done in our country to cure drug addicts.. then come out with conclusion whether or not they worked? man~ i have to say this, its gonna be a tough one. imagine going to those places to have a live interview session and observing things there... i mean those drug rehab centers. we were suggested to go 3 private centers, as well as 3 government one.. haha, i have no idea how its gonna be. but, i am looking forward for a great time.. this time, hopefully it happens.
ahaha... talk about RnD, i am the only boy in MUET with 7 other girls... LOL. phew, mestilah tension.. plus teacher ada lapan, bukan tujuh.. LOL. hehe, tak tension la actually. just joking..
its nice to be with them.. they are all proactive, full of opinions, open minded, and potential 'nu qiang ren' in the future. shuyi and shuk ting will be doing something about disabled people. shen and yeekha about old folks.. and leyi with sze yuen, ermmm cant really remember. but basically our titles are all social issues based. well, what i think is... it will be great if our findings in the end could contribute to a better understanding towards more people, especially those kind that we will meet in our research. i think they will give us a great lesson, mainly from those disabled ones. how they survived in society independently should greatly motivate others. haha, and what i really looking forward to is joining other groups to carry out their research together. also, i hope 8 of us could carry out things together as well.. i would like to pick others title, but it seems like pn cheah insisted me to take the drug one. should i feel proud?... or sad?

haha, pui yee came back the other day.. last week. and we had a gathering on friday night. she is still the same. no changes at all.. but she said she gained weight.. lol, are girls all like that? they looked the usual but they say they were not. and some should looked better if they gained a little bit of weight, but they don't think so too. that nic especially, i think she was on 'project DIET'.. so skinny adi, wanna diet? not pretty adi la. (if you're reading... pls gained weight instead of complaining on what i wrote) lol.. didn't get much chance to talk to pui yee that day though.. that yih ying dominated her. lol, but managed to chat a little with her at the.. almost end. wong came too.. showing us her love diary. haha, an album of absolute great couple. we went to her brand new decoarated house too after the occasison. fantastic job.. her house was like a total makeover. haha, happy for her. everything she planned goes well. we spent time time there till 12 something before leaving. anyway, that gathering was really appreciated. i am sure time to be together like that is getting less and less. there were about 20 of us there that day. hah, and come to my surprise, yee nee and yee shien changed a lot. good for them, especially yee nee. she really can socialise well now. hahh... the next gathering, come soon pls...

looking at what's rampant these weeks.. not based on newspaper reports. its mosquito. they are everywhere. i know they used to be everywhere. don't try to correct me.. lol. what i meant was the numbers increased enormously. school mosquito, come home mosquito, when i bath mosquito... go tuition also mosquito.. tak habis habis mosquito.. damn mosquito la. of all species, i think mosquito should extinct! i dont think their extinction will affect the dynamic ecosystem.
i got a junior diagnosed with dengue yesterday.. she is currently taking PMR. what a blow.. how unfortunate. she couldnt continue yesterday KH paper as admitted to hospital immediately. i wonder why, i feel bad for her. really bad. though i used to say PMR is rubbish during form 4 and 5... but still, after so much efforts.. because of the mosquito.. damn it mosquito. FYL! i am not sure whether she took it in the hospital yesterday, but even if so, it would be difficult for her.. so 'ke lian'. but i do hope she get well soon. she is a very happy-go-lucky one. haha, i recalled things though. she's not really into academic, but i dont know whats her interest.. so i guess she should be okay. lol..nothing much can be done... mm.., well since PMR is rubbish, then forget about it la. haha... make sure you're healthy enough for SPM then. get well soon ya, yih shan!.. ^^

and i hope everyone's health is at tip top condition always.. beware of dengue too. stay healthy, eat healthy... apples and oranges, i think these two are the most essential ones.

~signing out~

2010-09-25T22:20:00.003+08:00

25/09, chilling night...

alright, a bad day just went worse... after watching chelsea losing to man city just now. they played well, but the result was not the desired one. now headlines will focus on them, and prepare for some humiliating reports..'chelsea over-rated'... 'the champs tamed by Citizen'... how bout it? i can work for a newspaper company too i think... haha. well, they are human too... losing now is not a bad thing though. could put off some pressure after unbeaten in league games for so long. its like they went in every game expected to win, pressured aren't they?
just like us... to go in every exams, expected to score well.. 3.67!! yeah the ideal one. especially pn. lee for chemistry... i gotta frankly admit that i am now facing problems with physical chamistry.. everytime i look at all this 'physics' related kind of equation... i am dead. and i have yet to study on it... thats the worst thing. i couldn't get myself motivated at the moment. damn where did my momentum go after the first exam! and maths too, coordinate geometry i have yet to master... solving questions that slow is really bad... well i am the bad boy... shame on myself, thats what i should say. but i wanna blame it on the holidays. 2 weeks really got me lazy. i hate long holidays...
that 2 weeks...i don't even know myself, sleeping late and waking up late. i felt as if my school pants got a little loosen after the holidays, i thought i should get tighter? skipping meals, thats the cause of it.. ishh, i was putting in so much effort to gain weight and body size.. the holidays ruined it. i was at home everyday, eat sleeps and watch tv. fully slacked off, and look at me now.. the laziest person on earth now. practically did nothing during the holidays.. but yeah.. went back to hometown for some sort of 'spend time with grandma'. nothing much though, chit chat and laughing for that few days, full of laughter no doubts... that moment no one would think of 'i did nothing today' i agree, thats human.. regretting after, not bothered in that particular moment. alright, don't generalise it. just tag that on me...
talk about school days honestly, yeah...everyday is fun to be there at school. but coming back home became a whole different story. stories precisely. i come home everyday with different moods after school. thats another problem. it was as if i liked to be with friends so hell a lot more than coming home, well i love my mattress a lot though. but then... set backs always exist. and i hate it when it comes. everyone does.. ermm, how do you feel if you hadn't really talk to a friend all of sudden, for... about 5 weeks time? well sad to say with my low EQ and carries the trait 'emotional'.. i would be lying if i say i am not bothered. well, not knowing what to do as usual... just hoping it gets better soon..
its been a month already since the previous post... in no time, another month passes. hey, 24 hours per day ain't really enough for me. what a shame, probably only for a sleeping monster like me, would say such thing.. but really, its not enough.. what about you? is it enough? hm.. putting that aside, consider this is my second semester after the break...haha, though STPM are not according to sems. co-coriculum activities finally started, but darn it... it rained on the first day. i was so eager to get drenched in sweat.. after missing the saturday football the previous weeks.. heeh, it wasn't that bad after all actually. at least we are kept busy with things.. we need a competition soon, but i can't play. a referee needed, and 21 members in our club.. how coincidence!? who else? i became the 0 experience referee. cannot involve the upper six.. what choice are there left? ishh, it has been a long time since i played basketball.
and... exams are approaching. sigh, and i haven't prepare yet. really lacking something... motivations. as i said, they were gone after the exam. condition aggravated by the holidays.. to be honest, i know where to find it actually.. hmm, the things is, problems exist. no idea how to overcome it at the moment.will say the same thing as well, wait and see.. hopefully things get better soon..

well, thats all for now. ~signing out..........

2010-08-26T19:35:00.005+08:00

26/08, feeling kinda dizzy...

i came home today, and fall asleep, skipping my lunch. well... not sure what has gotten into me. i slept early last night, but yeah... think about it, morning's biology lecture was 2 hours of yawning case. and after the long sleep just now, still feel kinda dizzy though.. as thought i need more of it. so i decided to write.
MUET's recent discussion will be about baby dumping... ermm, to talk about feelings towards the case is easy. but to find a solution to it, yeah.. not an easy one. but i guess the best lies on oneself's abstinence. nothing more to it. as long as none does it, no babies are gonna pop out anyway. as simple as that...
and yea.. i was thinking of retracting what i said in my previous post about supporting death sentence-ing the parents commiting it.. think of what teacher said.. what if the girl was raped? 0.o? hmm...something to think about...
alright..the exam is over, and all the results, i have retrieved. mm, chemistry is sad. only managed a B.. damn it was my best subject back in form 5. what has gone wrong? although its not a good excuse, but seriously... i fully studied on bio, and nothing on chemistry. well... road not taken for chemistry. its sad, but no regrets as the choice was made... and its top for bio... lol, then its paid off. PA was the most pathetic one, having 18/40 for paper one. this would be the first time ever getting such a humiliating result in an objective paper. it really sucked... reason, i don't think not studying a single thing for it was the factor, as many read it and share the same result as mine. i cant tell how much i don't like this subject. its as if, there were no reason to it. MUET was another sad case. the range for a Band 5 is 220 - ??? (220 to something la, forgotten) and i score a 219... bloddy hell. blame on my reading, it really sucked to the bottom. lol.. otherwise, i would have got my minimal <0.3>

post funeral...

lol, some funny cases were on the hype in my family, the maternal side...
lol... monday was the 'return of the spirit' of grandma i guess. that little cousin said, someone was rubbing and petting (not quite sure whether or not its the correct verb) softly on her head..
my aunt said she heard some sort of chain sounds..
and my grandpa said the tightly locked door was opened...
however, of all the stories heard... my uncle says he slept peacefully the whole night and were suggesting they were all bullshitting.. lol, heard of 'o li gat tai' of hakka? lol... but er, worth trusting? its kinda scary isn't it...?

2010-08-23T16:41:00.003+08:00

you may rest in peace now, everything will be fine...

after yet another set back... here we go again, moving on with our life. sad or not, seriously...i don't know. but unhappy is certain... though everyone of us seems to be fine with it, but i know.. deep in mom and her siblings heart, its hard to take. it was last week, on thursday... class was soon ending that moment, mom called twice around 1325. it's rare... yea, and i had reassured the time school ends back in that morning... she shouldn't be calling to ask about the time again. i instantly got a very bad feeling upon receiving the call though.. i picked her call up behind the lab. she sounded weak, and sombre... wondering if someone else could send me home that day. asked why? she was in the hospital, getting 'things' done.
its understood... asked when did grandma left, around 1230 noon. she couldn't make it to see her for a last time before grandma's departure. i know she felt like hell not having to see her for that very last time... she drove her best. cos i felt horrible too.. exam finished on wednesday, but i didn't go to see her on that day.. i was tired and bounded to my irresistible sleeping spells.. it's a terrible feeling. i should have go, but its all too late.. too late..

i came home about, more or less 1500... after having lunch with my friends.. mom didn't cook, so i might as well have my meal before i go home.. and i just don't feel like going home that moment. not sure why... i came home, initially planned to finished the maths assignment as there was no chance during PA. i sat down in my room not knowing what to do.. practically wasting my time on nothing. 2 of my cousins came after taking leave from their work. we talked about grandma's incident and chat for a little. looking at everyone's expression, we come to a part where no one actually felt like talking anymore.. i went back up stair trying to keep myself busy with the maths assignments. on second thought after completing it, the questions weren't that difficult. yet i wasted so much time on it. it just shows how not focus i am. and my cousin brother try to keep his mind playing with my playstation console.. we were both in my room, but it was silent, apart from the sounds from the tv..

later that day, everyone gathered at grandma's place of course. and my sis came back down all the way from penang.. the tents had been set up, and her body was taken home already, in the coffin. i did not dare to see her that day.. i did it the next day...(after talking to le yi, shuyi and sze yuen about it...i needed to thank them though. i should see her..) that night, we were only folding the paper money and having family talk... its been a long time all of us sat down in such a crowd though.. i was so~ tired after so many hours without sleep. and it went worse when the funeral begin on the next day.. i am not sure if i managed 10 hours of sleep in that 2 days..the cremation was done yesterday. i saw mom cried.. i know how hard it was to take, she did not let go a single tear 5 years ago when dad died.. it just shows how heartbreaking it was.

everything ended yesterday. she will rest in peace now... after all the suffering she had gone through, i think it is better for her to go, and reduce her pain... isn't it? her life pitiful... borned in the chaotic period (1940s) of our country, poverty... she was sold to another family at very young age.. she lost some her family members. since young she had to work.. those days, you know... with the japs and all, its fear everywhere.. after independence, their life weren't much better though. giving birth to 5 children, all of them had to work to survive.. as rubber taper. those days, they were being looked down.. discriminated.. manipulated.. they came out of their life in a really hard way, after uncle is capable enough, and mom and her sisters get married... grandma's life seems to have settle down... just when it was time for her to start enjoying life, diabetes struck.. it cause her the sight of one of her eyes, being half blinded.. after all these years of medical appointment and insulin injection, all sorts of 'friends' to diabetes came together recently, giving her more suffer..

she chose to leave, i overheard.. she had had enough i guess... after all the pain she had gone through..
you may rest in peace now, everything will be fine...

2010-08-14T03:17:00.004+08:00

14/08, silent morning...

i may sound a little stupid saying the morning is quiet... of course its quiet isn't it? lol... perhaps yesterday had been a total silent day for me. i barely spoke yesterday. came home, lunch wash the clothes... and i felt as if my energies were all gone. being too tired, i drop my pencil on the maths exercises and went on taking a nap. then, god knows how i ended up sleeping... only to wake up at 9 evening. damn my time was wasted. sigh... its exam next week so its really important to get the ball start rolling. indeed i spent the whole day doing maths on thursday...day to night after school. midnight infact, it was tiring and mind busting no doubt. i guess thats the reason for sleeping yesterday. well... yeah, this time around... i am happy seeing myself working a little harder than i usually or used to do.
its just the first exam... but it wont be easy for certain.
well, it goes down to personal reason - the fact that i want to do well in the exam. as simple as that.
and over the other side, its as if life and death... i bet friends and classmates are all at full throttle, by hook or crook...preparing for week's paper. so me too...

the new EPL season had surely attracted my attention lately, with all sorts of team news, rumours, and breaking news... match between Man City and Tottenham as the season opener will definitely draw my attentions. but, the thought of the rest are working their way ahead for exam, more or less useful to resist my temptation. especially... when i thought about someone working really hard every single day... it gives me the motivation. lots of them... and recalling what my teach says... attitude. i will remember that as long as i can, pn wong..

and so~ thats about the upcoming events, our first exam after a 9 months 'exam drought' lol... hope everyone in Sc1 and Sc2 can do well, and good luck for everyone.

07/ 08, Jeopardy

before registering myself for this competition, i had zero idea about this game. i went to youtube, and watch one of the video there... so, i could say its not fun watching, but its fun playing it. before the competition goes some studies on general knowledge, through internet of course. and i had spent the whole day before going to the game. it makes me restless at the end that day, but somehow the process was fun. it was supposed to be a saturday school... but it seems that everyone had involved themselves in the game, so only 9 left in the class according to the reports. lol... glad that no lessons was held that day, so we dont miss anything..
the game took place at HELP at klang.. i cannot remember the time we reach there at all. we went in that building, registered and head straight to the game after settling down ourselves and some briefing in the main auditorium... the place is nice, huge... sigh, pointless being jealous to the private institutions though.
there goes the 1st round after the briefing... and things goes well at the beginning. few teams qualified to the next round... and i had my 2nd round rolling... we were at the top after this game with 380 points...lol, its surprising.. especially the entertainment category questions.. and suddenly, my team are the only one that had left from bt 8. lol... unexpectedly initially, but after knowing thessigam and vicknesh more...man~ they are no jokes. they are book freaks. and their knowledges are so good.
my team manage to the semifinal, after a poor quarterfinal i would say. but we managed through... i was on hold in semifinal... but only to realise there will be 2 round in semi. i take up the 2nd round after law jieh in the 1st... and we went into the final. its really disappointing to lose in a final... at worst, by only a little... i bet we were all sad, but somehow satisfied with it. its my first time entering final in a game.. of course the disappointment is er...well. but generally, its a great day. it tells us there are still so much about this world, that we don't know...and there are still alot for us to find out. and undoubt, having a day out of schools with bunch of friends is a ' nice one!'
travelling all the way to school after the game, its a delightful journey as everyone is happy with bt 8 winning something. good job to my team... on our way back home, friends attended schools already knew about our consolation prize. shu yi had the oppoturnity to congrats us and made use of it... and the rest were applauding upon getting in the bus. i like this kinda moment...^^

teenagers nowadays...no! kids today...
when its time to leave, a kid was hiding at the top of the form 6 block... they weren't supposed to be there of course... so pn cheah wanted to 'investigate'... and guess what, a girl crying up there say she was in pain. but in truth (not sure how true it is though...its according to reports) she was caught with her boy friend at school after recess, by mean of playing truant too. the boy was caught and brought elsewhere by the teachers i guess... and she lied she is in pain! what the... sigh, what can i say about these kids today? naive and totally stupid..
alright, dating is not wrong... of course its not, i wanted a girlfriend too...lol, yet i am still holding my 'never dated' record..(LOL...proud and not at the same time ya...)
alright back to the topic... ok, its not wrong... but playing truant is wrong. being intimate at school is disrespectful..if you do it out of the school compound thats your business...and no one cares. except parents la if they found out...
i dont get the logic of playing truant because one wants to meet or be with the partner...absolutely absurd. being in the same school, meeting everyday... still not enough? not satisfied?
just what kids want today? seriously... during my time, we are not like that at all. in fact its my batch.
the fact that my primary school teachers told me, about the school discipline and performance collapse after my batch of students... still remains fresh in my mind. i remember the students are becoming more and more rebellious.. one main reason, pampered. are parents today nuts? they can stand behind their fault-ful child and say there is nothing wring about their children.. and blame teachers or others.. maybe there are too many young parents today, which are very immature as well...
and a shock of my life!! pornography... as young as young 9 years old? what on earth was all this. the seamless world we are leaving in today, definitely one of the main culprit behind this...sigh, but still..
accessibility to Internet, its a convenience...and we need it.. its sad that its abused such way, and cause countless social problems today... its sad reading newspaper reports about babies being abandoned. raping cases are going rampant in schools involving minors (underage).. so, now are we looking forward to cases like sex in the primary school?? hell no!! seriously, if this goes on... i cant imagine. and i appreciate the effort made to sentence death...those who cause babies death, in abandoning babies attempt. i am sure this method works. the abandoned baby will be found, and DNA will not lie. and the culprits are no where to run... its death sentence. you don't want to die? think before having premarital sex, then think before throwing your baby if accident happens... and the best way, control your hormones! i am impressed by an article in Thursday's paper- using anti-androgen to control one's sex appetite. its acceptable for me...and its used in some other countries to suppress the 'urge'. i think its good...as it is reversible by simply stop using it.
.........and what the hell, i started with two kids playing truant for dating, and came this far.
nah~ i am going to stop here... what i wanted to express was actually not all this, but to get attention regarding these matters...

surprised...
i was f*****g surprised when vas said he is leaving bt 8 2 weeks ago... we teared on that very friday. lol, but thank god it all gone wasteful... because he gave another surprised,
all of sudden, he is back!! haha, but i guess terms and conditions apply. hmm...well, that doesn't matter now i guess... he is back and that is the most important thing.and thinking about what pn cheah told vas...vas spoke to teacher more than the past 2 years. its a good change indeed. i went thinking that i spoke to her more this 8 months than the past 5 years...?? *chuckle*
i hope we still remember (i of course do...) our deal - four flat... lol. thanks coming back into the battlefield, a comrades like you is badly needed...
' a hero cries for no one...but for comrades' ... i wanna be a hero, vas...

ryan signing out~~

2010-07-27T01:53:00.006+08:00

27/ 07, a chilling morning...

things were initially going very well, til it undergone a turnaround during MUET. 'mom and pop' business...? asked : do everyone call their dad 'pa' anymore? an instant ' i have no idea...' indifferently pops out from my mouth. a silent one though. when i went thinking about it again... what everyone call their dad now? daddy? dad? then questioned by my own conscience, what do i used to call? '.....' answer: i forgot. then, 'how could i forget about it?' comes in. 'pa' sounds really familiar to me though when Pn. Cheah said it. but i really ain't sure was it that word i used to call.

it now the fifth year, yes... Soky came to me with something abrupt months ago. out of nothing, she asked : how did we survive all these years? the atmosphere was silenced for seconds. i did not answered... i guess her idea was, that its kinda impossible...
with things around begin to rampant recently, i felt that too... but my idea focused on financial. sigh... 'money is not important' was one of my favourite quotation. i guess the perspective changed now, somehow reluctantly. with money, i would have studying private now... with money, we don't have to struggle for grandma's escalating illness now. her diabetes is getting worse now. at worst, joined forced by Alzheimer and Parkinson. it's really... (i am not sure was it sad) but i felt bothered and when we (among relatives) sat down together, its gloomy. who would like to voice...? no one. everyone don't even feel like talking already. what's worrying was her unstable condition... she is in good shape today, the next day, maybe not... hospitalised few days ago, discharged 2 days ago. 3k once. and i begin to worry how many times will it takes in future. who wouldn't want to go for government hospital? it's all because of 'but'.

'sheng lau ping si' is one of the thousands chinese phrases exist, that i at least knew. everyone has to go through it. dad is very intelligent. for me, he is very literate and wide of knowledge. if he was granted the chance to pursue further education during his time...
i am not abashed at all to say he is 'The Genius of Tengs'. in fact, i am proud to say so.
because of who he is, i cannot think of other reason, other than he knew about his health before leaving this world. things were too well planned. its mainly how we managed to go through these years.
'dad... you knew, didn't you?
i wondered about that hell a lot of times, and i said this hell a lot of times too. i will never know the answer until the day i meet him... these 2 things never leave my neurones.

by the way, if it was not Yeekha...(should thank her though) i wouldn't realised i have not been thinking about you for a long time. you won't tag me as 'sui zai' like mom always do right?

and er... dad, what do you think... have i been a good son?

2010-07-15T22:16:00.005+08:00

15/07, a typical thursday...

hm... things seem to be reverting back to the normal life, it was for me, as if back in the secondary school. but what i meant was the schedule and daily routine. more or less the same as form 4 and 5 i would say...wake up at 6, back from school in the afternoon... and it goes on just like the previous years. meeting new and old friends is after all, the best thing so far. so... kritheka ended up in Bt. 8, and we recalled so much of our primary school memories. all sorts of stupid thing we did back then. haha... and after a couple of months, i begin to know new friends from other schools better.

haha, and one girl i admired in the class...my classmate - Shen Xi. she is the only girl who took physics. haha, it seems like she wants to be a pilot...(ahh ah...what i meant i was impressed by the fact that she took physics) mm...and one guy here, Phitak. haha, he is a Thai blood... and the funny thing was, he joked he is a royal blood. lol... Raja Mongkut or Raja Chulian might be ancestor... haha, swt la you Phitak.

well... yea, the form 6 life til now is... erm well, acceptable... but beginning to sense the hype of study load and pressure already though. i looked at my books and i was kinda pessimistic about it. lol... the pages and content. ah... i was even shocked by the case where Pui Yee will have a 1000 pages book for one of her subject. uhhh god.. man~ 1000 pages, 'konk' lo~ plus, in 3 months if i am not mistaken she have got to complete it... crazy weh~ well, despite the heavy load of knowledge, Bio is somehow still a favourite subject to read, so its not that troublesome studying Bio. the only problems are memorising things and ways to answer questions. thats indeed tough! Chemistry i guess its my current worst subject now.. i couldn't believe myself, once my best subject, now became the worst one. this is really bad, real bad. sigh...even Pn. Lee questioned me today... i was so speechless. got a short test for chemistry next week, i am gonna whack that paper up when the time comes. i need my impressions back!!

of all, MUET was nothing easy.. but happy to be performing so well. but i gotta say interms of reading, i really sucked weh~ i wonder why ar? otherwise, i guess its fine. maths was manageable so far...with mr. ong's guidance as well i felt much more secure. PA i seriously got nothing to say. its like everyone's time to have fun and relax, i wonder if the results for PA in August will be a pretty 'relaxing' one... that blue reference is terrible weh. will be studying the whole book til end of next year, but only questioned by 60 objective questions... thats ridiculous...absolutely absurd and unacceptable. Again, 'its all about memorising and regurgigating what we have read' - Pn Cheah's favourite quote. lol... but its damn true! with the current issue about abolishing the UPSR and PMR, i would prefer a change of education system. more hands-on practicle and let students study what they are interested in. why make us study so many things that is useless in our future, perhaps useless to in the future career. and by the way, for me... abolishing the two exams or not seriously doesn't make any different though. its redundant after all, as everyone will hold a SPM certificate. so, who would want to view the PMR cert while you have the SPM one? make sense rite? unless that person is not continuing the form 4 and went doing O-level then i have got nothing to say la. anyway, why talk about this pula suddenly...ishh

10/07, had a new hair cut...

muahaha... lol, well i don't know how ppl view it... but i am 100% positive with my new hair. i like it. but my mom was er... why ar? anyway i love the sideview of it...haha, and i got quite a number of great comments from friends too. ^^, its flattering.

hmm.. it takes four days for the feared to come - comments from teachers... the worst is, Lourette. kantoi~ well its not that she bombarded me, she looked for a chance to comment about me. sigh, now what? man~ i like it weh... and planned to retain it for a period of time. no way! she said that i am a good boy and, be an example to the juniors, why make my hair like that? well thats a weird question for me. back to my quote - 'human don't do things for no reason..' but of course i did not say that to her... ishh, this is bad. by the way, did she meant that if i had this hairstyle then i am a bad boy? cannot weh~ i only wanted a hairstyle that i want, having this kind of hairstyle doesn't mean i am bad wert? why ar? i couldn't accept this for sure. and thats judging a person by the hair. doesn't make any sense to me. sigh, i guess i will just bare with the 'bad boy' tag then.. anything for my hair!! hmph...

2010-06-07T15:40:00.011+08:00

07/06, holiday begins...

a month had passed after signing up for form 6... and its now the first semester break already. nothing much had learnt for the pass one month, buts the things to remember is not less. you get what i mean? bio for instance, only one chapter covered... but the contents are, a lot. but so far, at least... the tense haven't hiked up yet. every lesson seems to be managable now. maths is something i kinda ' be song ' the teacher. the things taught were damn simple... but the true questions are darn difficult. why not showing these type of questions during the lecture? its not that the simple questions come out in STPM... its the diffiicult one. but she gave us those difficult ones in our assignments. then its not fair! we were not taught the technique to answer them. and its not that we have somethign to refer to do it. nevertheless, the reference book we have is a pathetic one. showing examples that won't aid us in answering the difficult questions, as there are very limited examples... sigh, i thought maths is easy initially. hm... i guess not now.

04/06, a friend flies again...

the day has finally come. pui yee's departure. tally to 2 now since hongshen left for singapore. a third and fourth should be coming soon too. santhi and zee. haha, ignore that though.
ch, for my case... i played truant again to be at the airport. lol... with meng kian. haha... its the final day of the week though. only chemistry and MUET, so i guess it shouldn't be much problem eh? i followed viv's car ,which had me waking up freaking early in the morning. lol, and i was only awake when she phoned me. then zee to pick up. we reached KLIA at 7 25 i guess. but the 'main character' is not there yet, we go get a taste of DeliFrance... whoot! fantastic bread and hot chocolate for my breakfast. pui yee arrived when we soon finished up the breakfast, and so we headed to her location. she was with her family, for us to find out that they are all going. and may yee joined the ponteng group in us indirectly. lol.. she got her last paper ( maths ) for semester exam weh... lol. her case is more severe.
auntie pula suddenly ask us to go eat with pui yee... alo, kenyang adi weh. i can barely eat anything at the dimsum restaurant already. and its expensive anyway... meng's group only arrive after some time. they sesat. LOL... then its as usual how we spent time together at the round table. chatting and drinking ( but this time around, its tea) when its time for our friend to leave, we.... did not cry la. lol... but kah weng lead us in the ' star chasing ' event. lol...
but seriously, after she left... we were all in emo state for a moment. sitting somewhere in the airport not knowing what to do... haha, but its only for minutes. we headed back to puchong later then. and guess what? meng kata pergi makan lagi.. gila weh this bunch of fella. lol... go dimsum again. then we spent time there until we were all satisfied. it turned out to be a bribe for kah weng though. bribing him to follow them to Malacca. lol, nothing else better to do to bribe that guy huh? lol, but its difficult on him too eh. went out for so many days and trying to go Malacca again... haha, i don't know whether or not he went for it.

03/06, rising confident...

its 6 30 and i gotta wake up... but not to school this day, to hulu langat. yeah, i actually sum up 2 days in ponteng-ing sekolah when i skipped school for the airport. lol...
in hulu langat... driving practice. haha, i was a serious noob before coming to this park. but after 'playing' in this park...lol, yeah playing with the kancil... i know how to control the car now. hehe, and its exam next tuesday. the practice goes on until about 1 30 doing all the 3 things... and on the road. i drove the kancil from hulu langat back to puchong then... lol, damn chun weh the experience. haha, and its confident boosting for me. i went there too on saturday for a second practice... glad that i mastered it, but... still worrying.. lol. hopefully nothing bad happen tomorrow and i get that P in no time.

2010-05-14T18:53:00.007+08:00

14/ 05, orientation ends...

yes... the form 6 orientation days of smk bt.8 ends very well today... with a very long-winded speech by the principal. yeah, i do dislikes his speech a lot in my previous year, even now. as... well, i just prefer pn. vasu's speech a hell lot more than listening to his... un-explain-able reasons although what he mentioned was... pretty right and true and sorts of. i guess the way he present his speech that 'slowly' was probably one factor i felt really boring listening to him... though i bet pn. vasu might say the same thing. in short, he certainly have to improve his presentation skills.

so whats the most happening event today huh... of course the session with our seniors. haha, yeah i had already met them last week... but meeting them in such a way like today, listening to their life during the past one and a half year, which i don't have any idea how they actually been through them despite we do always meet each other in school where i find them were pretty enjoying their times here last year... indeed, just like what i had thought, they did enjoyed their life during one's most difficult period on planet... the form 6 life. and of course, we will never know how they go through those hard times, unless if we feel for it ourselves... which i will beginning from next week.
seeing them being achieving excellent results last week, i personally felt, sincerely happy for them. and of course, using the status as friend to them, i am very proud of them and being proud of myself having friends as such. plus, their success too, more or less gave me a little motivation to be just like them... just like my elder sister. their advises this morning were really very helpful for me, infact to all my new form mates, to prepare even stronger mentally. i knew how my life will be, since the day i decided to walk this path... besides an own wish to return to bt. 8, my sister and these friends' excellent performance in form 6 naturally tells me that, 'we can do it, why not you' their 'key' were all the same. my sis',or hong wei, chuen keat, jasmine, carmen or pey shyen who showed up today. 'consistent studies', which i believe is the only way to be able to go far, and achieve my dreams. once more, i would like to thank them and hopefully, they will be blessed to achieve their goal.

MUET... which was describe as, ' no more your form 5 english, no more...' and being emphasised repeatedly with the word no more, well... somehow did put a little scare and directly telling that its not as easy as we think, thought, or imagine. the briefing, yes... had clearly shows that maturity, is the key battle. yeah of course... reaching our age huh, and a pre-u, i agree that is how it should be. i don't know how i will perform in the days ahead... but having great teachers like pn cheah to guide me, it will certainly give a boost to me... cuz, she is one of my favourite teacher and i don't want to let her down, neither to any teacher. and of course, for own good and future. medicine needs a band 5... and that is what i must achieve.

08/ 05, hari anugerah kecemerlangan akademik '09

it was my happiest day of the year, so far... it was a day, where i was looking forward to once i got the news from pui yee in a morning weeks ago. infact, me and kah weng were already looking forward to it since last year before SPM was taken. we promised to score at least 8As, to qualify ourselves to attend this annual event. which is for me, a very important day for us apart from the day we get our results. and of course, it wouldn't be such a memorable day without ppl you want to spend time with. i believe, everyone who attended for our first ever prize giving ceremony in hotel pearl international did had a good time. regardless parents, students or teachers...
for parents, i hope that through events like that, they will get to know more about what's going on in bt.8, and how good the academics man-powers are. parents, must know how the school can perform... in order to gain trust towards the teachers, not blaming them if their children failed to perform.
well, it was a surprised initially to hear from pn. chin that our prize giving ceremony will be held in hotel pearl international this year when i received my results back in march. asked why the changes was made, erm... answers like, ' as others schools are doing this, so...' were given. so, i guess they are trying to make publicity for bt.8... haha, what a way. its very subjective though. was it a waste of money? was it a good idea? mm...i don't know myself. that afternoon was for me, almost perfect... because yin hong and nicole were not there. so, certainly, there were something missing around the atmosphere. even yih ying took leave from ns to attend this once a year even. but unfortunately, sze yang and soon boon were not there too... otherwise, it was a complete and flawless reunion for us all. but still, taking photos that day apparently became our primary activity. mm...well, as for pui yee, its easy to sense some kinda emotion from her, leaving Malaysia soon. yes... hell yes i am gonna miss her. and it was even more touching when she uploads a '10 years friendship' captioned picture in facebook.
attending this event had also clear my mind of one thing, which was all this while a reality that i wouldn't wanted to accept. we are no more classmates, and all of us are now in different pathways... we will not stick together like how we do anymore. thats it, now, we step into a new world. ch, immature, silly... or whatever i am to be labelled.
well, since it was also nic's birthday on the 8th... so, it became an endless day. i went to ioi to stroll around with meng and kah weng until 7 pm arrives. in the same time visiting yee long, and also accompanied him to do a mask... he promised the pretty ladies there, so, you know... haha. we were considered seriously late that day, but knowing our birthday girl was a not punctual one, hah.. she was far more late than us. at least we had a good reason for that, the traffic was so terrible. our stop was at pappa rich, which that joker yin hong called it ayah kaya. so idealess when he texted that to me. nic came very late, but we managed celebrate her day before it was too late at night. they were all set for clubbin again. and repeatedly joked that she is now available to sky bar. haha, these guys... i did not join, it was way too tiring that day.
i got home at around 10 30 i guess... it was like a dream again. a good day had just ended. that was my expression.

hah... well, not only nic.. me too, turning 18 soon. just 2 days to go. well, annually... my birthday, i rated it as low profile. haha, it always falls on the mid term exam period. and yes, it somehow relates to a bad anniversary. ch... anyhow, being 18 is just... haha, no different of course. age is just a number. oh, but going into cenema is a different kinda story. haha, no more restriction...

ryan, signing out...

2010-05-06T10:11:00.005+08:00

06/01, peaceful morning...

ahh... finally back on the net. so much of nuisance caused by that P1 wimax internet service provider...screw them all yo! halting me 3, almost 4 weeks not able to go online. haha, my sis gone gb mad that she's insisted not to pay them for the month of April. and she did that right in front the counter at their HQ. went there to return the modem...sigh, how pathetic. not only us, there were bunch of user there too... doing exactly what we did. apparently, everyone got fed up with this disappointing P1. such a waste to have that 'grand' and 'five-star' like building as their HQ.
hey, will they bulldoze that when they officially declare 'that's the ebd for us!'lol...

hmm, well... haha i got nothing much to do online though. just got pissed off fby the previous connection as i couldn't check or know my scholarship applications status... and although nothing much i do going online(hah, unless writing here...then i would spend my sweet time), at least it seemed better to kill some minutes rather than doing nothing at all. nah~ its really boring these weeks... working? no too... somehow i am not really interested. plus i am learning driving now. so, get this done first.

since taking the results 2 months ago... what have i done were basically... haha, like a full rest period over the past month. just that i was all busy with scholarships documents and school visiting to certify them...and looking for teachers to talk to. and hanging out for few occasion. ch, that Kids Night Out... i went out with some of my friends with 2 adults. to a...erm i guess thats called a night club. or just club? 2 adults to accompany us... so i went. gosh, i got home almost 4. lol... we left 12 something, quite early. only to have nic and kah weng was holding on our leave while we stopped by in . that two drank too much i guess. lol...
and during the 4th week of Mac, i attended the doc's career exposure programme before shortlisted for the interview. Hospital Serdang was the venue. thats a big hospital. a very big government hospital. and a very advanced one. i spent 5 days there. from 8am to 5pm just like their working hours. i did find it boring the first 2 days. everyday's programme was personally for me, boring. except some highlight events like during times in the O%G department, into the labour room and MOT. after that few days i basically make friends more than attending the programme. haha, yeahh... everyday telling us to visit all the patients in different departments. with the doctors there keep discouraging us and kicking us out from their working places. i understand actually, we sure did disturbed them doing their jobs. sigh, i felt very embarassed, when my group was asked to go out when we were sent to the cardiothoraxic. and that doc's look was so... eww. that pissed me off as well.it appears that the docs aren't friendly at all. hah, whats best was having some new friends again. haha, and we met again during the interviews after 2 weeks. haha, i am sure whether to be surprised or not... many of us got it.

i had so much great times during the interview on the 2nd week of April. haha, only the period in the interview room was a little stressed up. after its over, its not just relieve. haha, we could even spend some time taking photos in that building, Putrajaya International Convention Centre. it's a great building i guess...lol, just because i like the toilet so much. overall i guess that's an acceptable performance for my first time ever interview. what an important one for my first time. but its okay now, i am taking up form 6 soon. once there, just gotta go all the way out again. its not going to be like my past two years for sure. mentally prepared or not, honestly i am not sure myself. but i can tell that i made up my mind. form 6 is my choice. perhaps its the best one. so now, whats left to do is just signing up my name next monday. I'll be back Bt.8. soon. very soon...

last week some friends got back from ns for holidays... yin hong text me for a dinner together. not knowing the numbers initially. but i was able to predict haha, who else if its not 'us'(among the classmates) there should be quite a number. so chun kit came picked me up, while i was still sleeping lol. i only woke up when he entered my house. but i prepared early you see, haha i made sure i took my bath and took the clothes i am going to wear for the dinner. we then went picking up nic. it was so jam... 'again' is needless to be mention here. it will forever jam like this looking at the condition of the non-stop developing small city of puchong. looking forward for an unpleasent kl type jam in the future which i hope it won't happen. we had our buffet dinner somewhere in old klang road. not a bad place though. drawing much of my sweats out of my sweat glands. hot for sure, eating grilled foods and heaty foods. i don't really favour this kind of foods, so didn't really eat much. spending time chatting and laughing like this with friends is definitely feeling more comfortable than being with family. for me. its not a good ideology for sure. how do i change this? maybe if she nags less it would be a lot better. and don;t worry about things that she don't have to. adam was right... thats what we called mom. lol...

^^it feels great to be able to write and online again. ryan signing out....

2010-03-16T20:09:00.010+08:00

Life in Tangkas Kendiri

02/01, arrival at kem plkn tangkas kendiri, kuala kangsar...

what a boring day...(yeah...., i could remember how boring it was back then when i first came to this place. lol) nothing was done other than 'waiting' today...( and there are so many 'waiting' ahead eh...lol) and, many had yet to come.
I left home 0745 for breakfast in the morning...then picked up my auntie to show the way to Park & Ride in Putrajaya...since she had been there several times during my cousin's batch...siri 4 and siri 5. their stops were there too. my mom did not leave after we settled our registration and bus ticket. she left only when i got into the bus...( bye bye~ )haha, i slept once entering the bus...so freaking tired after staying up late writing...^^ i got up when we were almost there if i am not mistaken... this place was, back then i thought this is a nice place...'tengok tengok tepi highway, got many trees also ah...sure veli cooling one la. good.' (lol....early judgement)hah, our room...no, dorm! long barrack-like structure, tiled floor and blue painted. then, distribution of items...Loreng 2 pairs, white socks...black one and grey one..all 2 pairs. shoe wax and brush, towel, cap and beret...(mm...seems like i can still remember very well. lol) thats basically the 'activities' done...boring eh? and we were all made only wait in the night...til we get back to our dorm and sleep. frust la that moment, wasted all our time in the hall doing nothing but wait...wait for what? only to go back to our dorm. nonsense eh? ( that was all sort of our reaction those times...)

05/01, my fourth night

for the first time, we sat down and hear someone talk. so, we had our so called timbalan komandan latihan(TKL) to be in front there with the mic...' *chuckle*...bla bla bla... pelatih-pelatih kem plkn tangkas kendiri adalah terpilih...bla bla bla, kem ini adalah kem yang terbaik....' lol, but still...many were clapping hands, me? forgotten. nah~ even if i did, that was only a typical human reaction when people claps. follow lo....lol. sigh, that was quite a stupid speech for me. eh mister, this kinda way to raise your trainee's spirit (so that they will be committed to the programme), hello!!! i used them many times...during my year as president of blues...lol. but his one lame la...kem terbaik konon. those kem terbaik, I don't know where they are. lol, but surely, not this kem...i am just being honest. look at the condition of this kem, ish ish.....only utilised for the 2nd year, but so many things and facilities in KO state. alo, like that best kem kah?

as for these few days...phew. its difficult to go through... so boring, we still haven't done any activities yet til this day... and all our nights were wasteful and unproductive. we weren't doing anything! what the hell is all this? (whoa... listen. those days, we emo alot...lol, so many always complaint to go home. some even fake their health to see doctors. allrgic this, allergic that...all sorts of ways to try to get out of there. real swt man~) yeah, i admit it... it was so hard to go through even for me. homesick gila-gila those days... as you got nothing going on, but only sitting on chairs in the hall...you begin thinking a lot. haha, those homesick made me love my family more...hehe ^^

06/01, first output...

lol...wondering what the business was? kaka... my first 'big' output finally came. lol. i was worry all time... since the day i came. one day 6 meals, and i took them all...hehe, (for me, the food here was acceptable...but why are so many complaining about them? sigh...one word. pampered! haha, agree?) i watched a series of SURVIVOR before when i was...well a kid back then i guess. lol... that old man got seriously ill because no pass motion for 2 weeks i think, if i am right... whoa, hospital immediately! see, dangerous rite..haha, and the green bio reference also states constipation can lead to bowel cancer...so kids!! don't joke around when you can't SHIT!!! understand? lol...

we had our first activity going on finally...marching. (but how pathetic, our marching only held twice. within this week as i remember! i heard my cousin's kem kawad everyday le! sigh...thats why Delta lost la in our marching competition.) lol, first time putting on the full loreng... we took so~ long. lol, for about 45 minutes. sigh, especially the belt! (haha, compare to now...we need less than 5 minutes!)

(hmm...now i wonder when will i have a chance to put that on again? i guess... never again)

10/01, one week finally....shoo!

(haha...i was whining in my diary. ' double six days to go (66), oh god.....ha yeah, thats me in the first week. a lot of homesick...) - on 07/01

i am finding it hard now waking up as early as 0530...well it's not the problem - reluctant to wake up...but getting tired and sleepy in the afternoon. we have our classes finally going on now. Kelas CB, character building...(very childish one la the whole course...but if you're sporting, open minded, then it will be fine)

(haha, but i kept falling asleep the first few days...just like those days...in classroom. hmm...) one week gone for now...remembering the day - 31 Dec 09 - ch...a 'countdown' ( only a night tea ) on that night after going to hui ting's house. hah, think back again...why was i there? *smile* no idea. and anyway, thank her for the invitation...allowing a last glimpse on her.

friday we went to the Bhuddist Society of Lenggong...i am a Taoist, in fact most of us there are! lol... but i guess its not wrong eh? for the first time being there, (haha, i remember there were no electricity on that day...lol) our first day here was basically ruined by the absence of electricity...but anyway, like me, i manage to get some sleep there...^^ (first time like nothing la...huh in progress, it became one the place where guys 'tackles'...lol. how rude of them!) 2 hours there was barely enough for most of us...

weekend was unbelieveable-ly boring...( haha, we knew it for the first time at this days..and soon we got used to it and spent time, talking and sleeping on weekends. sigh, what a way...) there will be nothing much for us to do on these days...erm, other than calling my mom...as for me. others were always on their handsets (handphones are returned on saturdays) texting. kinda envy them...so much to text, so many to text to. how pathetic, i am only a handphone holder (barely doing anything with mine) lol...but thats me la. sms also need money rite? ahhh, thats why my credits always have a lot of balance when the expiry date comes...lol. ahh, and most of my friends working you see..., some already started their jan intake. its fine not to disturb them...right? ^^ hm... and on this first day in the week, parents come to visit their children. ch, anak manja semua...lol ( to be honest, i was jealous the first week... of course we do, humans... you see other's parents were there, but not yours. somehow its like you're not visited in jail. lol...) i stayed in the dorm doing nothing and sleeping...boring eh? haha...thats life on weekends.

15/01, oooi? another friday eh...

it's true... time seems to be moving a lot faster now. we have done our second class in the buddhist society now... ishh, i missed the red bean soup again...lol (whoa tell you what...i damn emo that moment, lol... i remember it was because some fellas took it twice. otherwise i would have got a chance to have it...) we went to Desa Rimba for the second time this morning... after rehearsel on wednesday. nah~ its boring. lol, only the performance was great...kaka, cos there are leng lui(s) lol...ya know why it was gila boring? we were made to wait for the VIP for freaking long. almost 2 hours... sob, so kesian us...sitting there doing nothing is one thing, not allowed to sleep pula! whoaa.. GB 'beh song' le! oh yes...ermm its a launching for Kump 1 Siri 7, thats it. nothing special. only those lucky ones sitting in front stands a chance being in the tv box...which were definitely not one of any from Tangkas Kendiri...lol. we were placed behind. well, at least after the event, we were given 'pentadbiran sendiri' until dinner.

hah, not only in schools, i could see much more aggresive - perang mulut here in this camp. ( lol, it was nothing actually, just some on-stage war between Kompeni here. have i ever mentioned about my Kompeni? lol, now i had... i'm from Delta...sob, green colour de. (luckily...the blues here, Bravo finished 3rd in the end of the programme..unlike my Temenggung!!! haha...) we called it KKJ. kontrak kita janji, which in my sense... 'waste of time'! really... its hard for me to explain, but i don't think it helps in anything they expected in their objective...it is similar to a presentation in presenting - 'about your Kompeni' ( and i hate this a little...after this activity, those coaches always use what we stated in our KKJ to threatened us... for example in your contract, 'mematuhi arahan jurulatih'...padahal tulis pun sebab ada poin je.) and it became something that the coaches always use against us. failing its objective, (sorry to say this...but it's fact!) it causes so much of arguements that day...sigh, needless eh?) funniest thingy...Delta won.

it has been long time since i last went for my taekwondo...lol, and i probably won't be going anymore. look, we have this TTS, tempur tanpa senjata...man~ its a joke. a malaysia version of taekwondo (and it seems, don't know what to say...its a complete immitation! fake!). real speechless when i was doing it....by the way, ermm...somehow, nostalgia... okay, maybe it can still be treated as a good exercise...yes. at least it makes you really sweat. lol

17/01, weekend again....

before 1730's great windy and cloudy conditions here, i almost got myself roasted in the dorm. oh yeah!!! saturday's gotong-royong...'kononnya...' toilets and dorms, all cleaned up...nah, we did most of the jobs...some dorm-mates just sucked in this everyweek... in fact everyday. it was as if they don't know how we feel- it was always us to do this and that...me and my friends who were all nearer to the entrance of the dorm, it was always us. terrible human these fella are... yea, it looks more comfortable to stay, and at least the toilets now are better 'cleared'...it looks cleaner definitely...(haha, as weeks goes on..we basically just clean our own place...who cares about their places then, its not my place, we have to be selfish then...yeahh, your place, clean it yourself!) sigh...anyway, at least we feel better with our own bed areas...i just don't understand how could they sleep in those dirty surroundings. used to that? eww...

haah....see, our sundays here are so not productive. i spent time eat...nap and, well...do nothing. lol...haha, so...i went on duty today. i called it an usherer's job! lol...yeah, we guide parents in to visit their children, aren't we doing what usherers do? lol. mm....got a little sunburn. it did not feel good of course... (i used to spend my time on duty on sunday...i did 4 times through out my whole programme) then, nothing was basically done the rest of then day...

22/01, well...a week full of lectures.

hah...what a week, so many lectures was going on...and as usual of course, classes every morning...well anyway, i begin to find 'myself' in classes...no choice, just give a little commitment, man~ otherwise its killing boring and sleepy. lol...haha, ryan made some publicity too. ^^, (yeah..let me tell you this, erhem...my name is kinda well-known in kem plkn tangkas kendiri...lol) yea lectures, they held it in the nights, basically those times we will feel really sleepy ^^. haha, so that the 'bomoh' can cast some awakenings on those sleepy-head. ( haha, bomoh is actually one of our coaches...he wakes those fell asleep ones with a bottle of water...yea, their 'favourite' weapon...as its the cheapest one there..lol) we listened about theory of kayaks and rakit....and a talk by those representatives from the INDAH WATER, separated in 3 days...see, they just have the ways to use up 3 nights with all this things. of course its all boring. who loves lectures about something we are not interested on? ^^, no right?

anyway, now we starts to have our 'riadah' time on 1730...its like a time for us to...ahh, exercise! haha, i done nothing for this week. only spend time reading newspaper.( as it became available from those koperasi owner) mm...and i remember monday's spot check...i was steady of course...haha, ryan comes clean. hehe...but pity la those got caught with cigarettes and prohibited items... full loreng for 3 weeks. (uuhh...its terrible weh seriously, only the 2 pairs of attire everyday...and i dont think they washes them...eww) and the most nonsense thing this week... writing our commandan's name, tkp's name, and tkl's name...because, they are fellas who can't answer our mr. 'banyak hal', en.zulkifly's question...they doesn't know the names, so all of us got something 'great' to do...real swt. absolute nonsense and absurd.

well its kinda bad today...i don't know, but it seems the PT brings me problem this week...its tough on this week. i got some pressure felt on my 'not so good' back...yea, it ache as usual when i was in school... though its manageable type of ache, but...kinda worry..haha, of course i do. you never know whats wrong with it you see.( well, nothing bad actually followed up...maybe its too tiring for that week. ^^)

and the 3rd week is gone...

24/01, boring boring boring.....lol

whoot...the weather is still so~ so~ hot! ughh,*faint*...gosh, what kind of lectures and talk. AKPK and BSN on the same day(saturday)... it drags our free day to 1630 since morning. ishh...damn sleepy weh. and we get our mobile phone so late... lol, my mom mised called me quite a number of times...we were all on the chairs, from morning til 1630. only leaving our ass from it during our lunch. phew... glad its over, seriously...i going mad if they schedule lectures session again. ( lol, and i did not get mad on the next talk...so many were ahead then. sigh, we just have to get used to these boring things. i can actually ignore them later on, you know, talking to your friends...just sit besides them lol, thats the only way not to feel bored!)

hah, now that i really learnt more' detailed' about a phrase, 'one will only appreciate it after losing it' haha... mm, missed my family... i can't believe it either, i chat with mom like we were friends on the phone since coming here. ( yeah, after coming back, i can actually control myself talking to her...i don't bust my head into flames like before...haha, well i guess the difference should be felt )

snoozing sunday...zzz, whoa!!! ' my bed is all wet! lol, don't misunderstand my friend. its my sweat... this is crazy haha... its really unacceptable hot! hot! hot! tsk tsk tsk, look at all these parents... 'hello??? do yal have to come every week in this number? why not you move in to this camp? it will definitely be more convenient eh. haijo, these parents ar, come every week weh...weekly the same face. hello!!! this is plkn weh... better just bring your child home. save petrol money... my friends, all these parents travel for hours you know to get here... waliao eh, needless wehh..look at me, steady weh. tsk tsk, learn from mr. ryan...sigh, pathetic la these spoiled brats...lol. (yea i sounds jokin' now... but i actually meant it when i wrote this back then...lol)

here goes the 4th week...

26/01, wa..wa..water confident...

ehh... nothing is more fin than getting ourself wet today. haha, here goes our first wet activity. its just an activity wearing the life jacket...and get ourself in the water...lol, easy? its basically done to make us feel confident with that life jacket in case anything goes wrong for our kayak and rakit the next days... nah~ i wore it before adi...lalala. haha, remember in pangkor? hehe...

haijo...yesterday's photo session was chaos for Delta. sigh...(it somehow later became of those spirit words created by these bunch of kompeni-mates...' apa rahsia Delta? - datang lambat!!' real swt la these fellas) my kompeni always the one that being late...sigh, got the 'medicine' la. push ups...=_= ( pissed off in the beginning...haha, but as it goies on, just don't care about it. punish la whatever they like...i am fine with it. hehe, as it builds up my muscle...kaka)

28/01, haha...kayak thursday!

hehe, missed the chance in pangkor isle to kayak? lol, ryan got it here, but too bad only for 5 minutes...sob la, i waited GB long weh...but only kayak for that little while. disatisfied ler of course. ishh, it was only 'better than nothing' sigh, what to do... so GB many trainees...crazy la those who arrange the no. of trainees here. all the assemble area GB crowded always. hmm... anyway, after that it was not a nice day anymore... washing spike boots and loreng... and have to be patience with those 'hantu' punya orang. washing their spkie boots in the mini pool... it halt everyone from bathing weh... real dumbass man~, these brainless fellas. sighh...hah, and we got our mr. wei from the society again in the night... at least there are time to relax at night. well, no one actually listen to his speech, but ryan does...( hey, this is true story... i concentrate in every talks...i mean religious one...but not those on sundays...*shiver* those speech was really terrible. eiyer~)

kakaka...its rainy today. cooling the bloody hot weather down. hmm...and it seems like january is ending soon. time goes quicker when its busy...( sitting in front my dekstop now writing this...well, it sometimes feel you know, weird to think that i am now home. where i was actually there in the camp last month. the answers was, 'haha, yeah...plkn is over for me.' erm...and it sounds unanswered, for me...) thank god it rained after we did our rakit...well i think this is more fun, but this is much more tiring... haha, but its a lot of fun.^^

goodbye~ january...

seems like the final day of the month falls on a sunday. yeah, lol...the boring day. i actually looked through my diary today...(it doesn't look the way wrote here actually...its more to like summarised so that its easier to read) i wrote daily and it already covers 70% of this book...haha, satisfying i guess being the first time writing. lol, and i realised how many words 'boring' i have been writing since the first day...( lol, this word can't escape from my writing.) mm...and its really sweltering hot today. zzz in the morning, til my luch time...muacks!!! grade A lunch!!! but sadly, grade E dinner weh! 'si beh kiam siap' weh!!!

haha...after the first month i was actually already surviving great here..well, started to get close with friends here...then things get you know...simpler. time spent more easily...less bored... yeah, and you know who you can trust and not. no doubt, there were conflicts around. but i am happy to hear from my friend that ' kar chun...you're good. you are neutral.' yeah, i take that as a compliment. ermm, well...stand on the side you think its right. yeahh... and you know, make friends. good? bad? just mix with them, sometimes more or less we might need their help. dislike them, talk less...like them, talk more... thats ryan's principal.

february begins....

well mm... everyone basically having very good mood this week (and the following one)... lol, going home soon! yeah...lol, chinese new year ma. ang pow ma. lol... the atmosphere looks of course much differs too. i guess everyone now happy staying here, if i am wrong, then 70% i guess. ^^ we got intergration module going on...as our CB module 1 and 2 already ended. this module er...well, boring... and i picked up arguement with the lecturer on the very first day... it was real tense back then lol... i only stoped arguing when she did. she is...oh my, how did she even managed passing her interview to get that job with her moody face like that all the time? seriously doubt her. anyway... she do know more or less about the cultures in our country. hah, now you know what it was basically about our so called intergration module eh? thats why it was boring. here i got my new friend again... we just get to know each other though we were actually from the same CB class all this while. at least its less boring you know talking with her and some...2 or 3 fellas together there. its a 5 days programmes, i can't imagine how to go through it without these fellas in the class to talk to. seriously, i would rather choose kawad or whatever activity to replace this.. even CB class is much more better weh... at least you know, we get to play childish game that everyone will laugh about it. this week was really boring, and as days goes on, lol... ppl here already experienced some down graded mood lol... well its really simply, erm...in cruel. 'we are not interested!!!' that kind of expression. anyway, whatever it is.... on the final day, we presented our 'paper clothes' made on thursday... lol, real waste of time i thought in the first place...but well, we actually had fun that day. lol...we end this module with performance on stage. performing those culture in our country. some was fun, and my buddies' ' upacara kematian orang cina' actually pissed me off... well erm, they overdo it and it all gone wrong at the end. alright you guys presented it with humour, but er...its kinda disrespectful weh... thats why i wsa a little pissed off back then... well, its just that i think they shouldn't do it that way...anyway, its over. and yeah, it puts an end to this boring module, thats the important thing, eh...^^

final weekend before CNY break....

alright...nothing much to write already as every weekend was the same... but saturday was. you know when you wanted to scream out of desperation...yeah, thats my expression(lol, haha...thats still a period where i can't accept punishment that caused by others wrong-doings) yeah, it was do far the worst punishment recieved...hehe, reason : 'kamu semua tidak beratur bertiga-tiga dan tidak berkawad dalam barisan semasa bergerak dari satu tempat ke tempat lain.' ( yeah, let me explain this, everytime moving from one place to the other, we hafta line up and march 3-by-3..absurd? lol) for this reason... ' semua wira dan wirawati dikehendaki berkumpul di dewan makan sekarang juga' in this very weekend. sigh...what did that TKP do? confiscicate all our mobiles...then, ask whether we were satisfied? what a stupid question...OF COURSE NOT!!! we offer taking punishment...mother, that siao fella (i don't know who) suggested PT 10 ( jumping jet), 50 jumps, 5 jumps=1 counts...GB weh, that equals to 300 jumps. alright al of us did it, but he was not satisfied with it...addition, mother. we repeated so many times until he was satisfied and return us our phones...siao man~ this TKP. i dislike him for punishing us with a smiling face...its as if he was fooling on us! sighh...and it seems that punishments had became very acceptable for me... (it was almost everyday since then we were punished...i got immuned mentally eventually...lol)

homecoming....

while everyone was enjoying their bedtime in a great week on monday, 'SEMUA SEKALI KE PADANG KAWAD!!!' swt....i though it was a joke in the first place...first brawl case. GB siao la these fellas..brawling in this times...man~ i am sleepy you know... got punished in this kind of condition... sigh, lu orang gaduh sudahlah, buat apa lapor? haiz... lantaklah dia orang... ishh, disturb our sleep oni... TKP took almost 45 minutes to settle before sending us uninvolved back to sleep...phew, anyway its a good experience right re-thinking now? lol...

erm...we had a health talk too in this week. TB( tuberculosis) ahh, serious it was indeed if you were infected..but no worries, its treat-able, only needs very 'ma fan' de treatment. lectures alot in this week... coaches briefs about our new module, 'kenegaraan'...well nothing less than patriotisme. haha, i remember the video played...it was funny. lol, but the speech the other day was, oh my god...its writen in our sejarah textbook ok...so its boring. and talk abot rukun negara...whoa, and i dont know why it takes so long for her to talk about it...ah now i remembered, they were showing slide shows all the time, why not just keep yourself shut and we read on our own... save their energy too!!! =_=

hah, our activity of the programme so far...'flying fox' hehe, yeah, excited on the spot..but it was kinda disappointing. only a few seconds ride in the air... and we waited in such GB hot weather...sighh. but anyway, that few seconds was really our activity of the programme before CNY break. some said enjoyed, some not...

everyone was really excited again on wednesday for their community service... class KN 1-5, they will do their service. ( i did not do it...extending my holidays during CNY sacrificed it, cos the 6th to 10th class have theirs in the following week after holiday,i'm in 7th...sob) so, i am very not interested in what they did...LOL. well, i could see everyone's happy face printed so nicely on thursday night...lol, its an expression of ' yes yes yes, we are going home!' haha, i can find it on my face too...lol

12/02, holiday begins

it was only 0500...noises already here and there. everyone is in the' semangat pulang' mood...lol. i got up too preparing myself up..all of us gathered at padang kawad...getting back our phones, things confiscicated earlier. then...off we go! back to home. haha, i took bus provided by our kind coach. they booked ticket for us...^^ we say goodbyes with buddies, then ciao. i reached home about er, 1530... lol, i saw mom when i was walking back home...she says both sis were in ioi mall...BRAND'S OUTLET..buying clothes. alright, off i go again... lol, chat in the car. and spend time with my family upon coming back...great eh? lol. somehow it was very tiring that day. i only got home around 1900... after having dinner out there with them, and talked almost non-stop lol...

hahh...the smell of my room. great! but the frust was, dekstop broke down! what the f*ck!!! lol, no pc for me to use weh...damn frust. but i did not mad that moment, i did not wanted to ruin the holidays...so i stayed pretty calmed and, i nvm it. lol. it was rare on me... i should be flaring the house with anger...^^

21/02, starts writing again

nine days from the day i last wrote. a sunday...so nothing much i could do today. haha, but duty with two buddies here, it makes the day somehow different. ^^

i came back to tangkas kendiri all by myself on 19. i have to say this, i was really scared that day...lol. but the experience was damn good when i step pass the tangkas kendiri entrance gate. 'i am back' lol... i felt grown up now. hehe... mom accompanied me to pudu this morning, where my uncle and auntie provide the transport for me to the bus station... well, on the way to pudu er... lol. with her i think i am sad to leave. without her, i don't think i can have the confidence to go come back here my own. hah...at moment like this, we realise how much we need our parents than we actually thought eh. your parents will always be there with wide open arms when you need them. appreciate them...and love them.

when time comes, i got on board..and ask her to leave (flashback...erm, this is one of the hardest thing to do...lol) i grab my footsteps and never look back...lol, like drama pula.

i switch bus after some distance of rides, then all the way to kuala kangsar bus station. it was boring during the ride though. (lol, of course its boring, being alone...club class lagi tu...) i couldn't have a good sleep too, that bouncy bus. lol...it took almost 2 and a half hour to reach kuala kangsar, then...another bus switch. have to ask around, which bus to take. get on it...off i go again. here was the scariest part...lol, not knowing anything, i was crazy focused, afraid going to the wrong place. haha, only to have complete relieve when i get down from the bus, where tangkas kendiri was there right in front of me.

back in the camp, erm...i guess i was th elast one to arrive that day. haha, to be honest again, i was emo that whole day until reached here meeting friends again. us guys basically got no difference...but the ladies, whoa... almost everyone (those went back for CNY) came back with different hairstyles and colours. how lucky they were..ishhh, so not fair! well, since its a friday...yeah, went to the buddhist society in the evening, before a 'dressing fiest' was roaring our camp in the night. seriously, i don't know whether to get mad or not. i thought it could be exciting. (lol, what a type of creative punishment...changing camp's different attire in 10 minutes time and return lined up.) but, its tiring. first attire was, full loreng. after 30 minutes physically punished, then another 10 minutes for PT attire...then the same thing happens before class attire. GB betul...almost 2 jam kena denda. (lol, now i think its really fun...) sighh...i took bus the whole day, carry bag the whole day, damn fk tired adi. punished in the night pula.

hm...it should be a great sleep tonight.

25/02, aim...shoot!!!

haha. ya damn right! firearm, M-16 Colt this week. the activity everyone have been waited for...finally falls upon. we had our practices on monday, divided into 2 big groups shooting on tuesday and today. well, the experience was fantastic, but too bad no photos was taken. how pathetic. the bang was kinda loud, but not really after putting on the...dunno whats that called. lol...

lol, i only got 21/100...mother some GB fellas could shot for 98/100. how the hell the did that? i got few bull during the first 10 trial shots. but after the 10 shots sorry la, tired weh. lol...tangan lenguh adi la. after that, the repulsion of the gun just give me a hard times..haha, it seems more difficult after some shots... the repulsion was as if got stronger...it was a perfect satisfaction in the end of the day. this is my first time, and of course the last time i hold that rifle...unless joining the army...but sorry, thats imposibble.

and also another exposure this week, jungle crafting...dunno la jungle or forest? cooking in the worst way, lol. i just don't know... 'they' cook in a weird way...nah, i taste nothing of it. they cook the rice like that? uh...=_= and the sardin, so....watery. eww...=_=

01/03, first day of march

four days after shooting...hmm another week i gone (yeah, htis is the first time i sighed for a week that has gone) this sigh definitely looks different than the rest eh? well, 13 days left to spend with friends here. after that, we are most probably not meeting again. here, we are always together...wake up, eat, play, talk, laugh, class, activities, punished and sleep...everything together... so its really different here. and let me say, one week holiday at home...i am not used to the live at home. i couldn't re-adapt for that moment. but i got no problem coming back here in instant.

i do misses my friends in puchong, not meeting many of them was kinda disappointing too. well, and one thing... maybe i shouldn't carry this mobile phone here...what an eye sore. i am not really using it here, unless calling mom. and it leaves pathetic feelings for me. as if i have got no friends or no one to text to...lol

my kompeni won both category male, female in 'kembara halangan' (til now i have no idea how to translate this into english...=_=) top form that day...(but kawad like shit the next week, otherwise we should have won the overall champ...lol, funny la all this things. like sukan during school time.) but this activity is great weh, but only when its scheduled into a competition. otherwise you wont feel anything also. cause its easy! kaka... and funniest thing is watching the girls compete...live comedy show. lol, especially when it comes to monkey racks, lol...live bath show, only with full loreng show. it looks more like they jump into the pool, lol. GB dirty weh those water, uhh....sighh, pity them. lol

saturday night...Malam Citra Puisi. erm, this one...no comment. i am not involved in the performance cos. i am in the management group. lucky me ^^. nothing much to do, only chatting away and do some easy things. much relaxing one except on saturday itself. kinda busy though, with a bad mood...lol, normal la, mood swing. and because no budget, nothing much was done though. it looks empty on the stage (not in charge)...well otherwise, things goes well that night. but these security group really GB useless la...(lol, such a bad mouth) they sucked weh... i was one of the jury for the performance. people keeps passing by right in front of us (jury), block our views la, how to judge them? nonsense la them, everyone did their job right? these fellas playing handsets, very pro. sigh...how to work in future like that? this kind of attitude ka? i never take out my handset the whole night...(lol, not bad eh not using my handsets) its our night weh, respect it la. your own event, you cant even respect...do you expect ppl to rexpect yours in the future if you carry out one in the future? whoa...sorry weh. once ppl do that, you feel bad right? ahh...so? pls feel bad now, cos you just disrespect your event.

back to today...well, our sports day...(lol, we have sports day here) nah...my team lose kau kau. swt man~ and sunburn...but honestly, no fun la this sportsday. no track events. and i don't ike it at all, so racist on team selection. GB unlucky too, volleyball first match against pengurusan. that commandan disturb us like hell la, swt la...that fella lose his co-ordinations ka?. look at the TKP's face, buck off la! his face...i just don't like it. we lost only a little though. the highlight was on Alpha. they swept the coaches 8-0 in futsal. GB siao lang. lol, what the hell was the coaches doing? cikgu arcbar complaint about the second goal...lol, he got yellow carded by cikgu khairun pula...what a scene. we laughed like mad cow weh. it was a whole day event...^^ yeah, tiring. but a 'not-fun-at-all' sports day was repaid by such a lucky way...lol, i found back my stolen PT shirt. CB thief!

03/03, eleven days left now

eventually we are not in climax...and soon ending. we done our second last event now, marching..lol, stupid la in marching. i don't care much though...better off thinking how to spend your days with your friends here. as the programme is ending soon only with the 'wirajaya' (lol, nama gaya....but only jungle trekking and overnight in camp at the field. swt eh?) things get to settle down as well. nothing much on our schedule already. only...lectures. lol. anti-drug agents came recently... the video was 'heartbreakering', sad one...

sigh, about drug addict, do we have to torture ourself like that. do you want to torture yourself, just for that short term 'high' or...'fun' moments? nonsense la. alright, things are just as simple as cigarettes...teens nowadays take them, i don't know why...knowing it is bad for health, still they take it. some...they thought its 'bergaya'...'yeng'...(hello, no need...i knew there are ppl like this. i had come across with them) yeah they smoked as if they were so stylish...nah~ sorry la, ppl like me will say 'you're an idiot...paying money buying cigarettes to kill yourself. why torture your lung like that if you wanna die? simple, just go to any 10 floor building...jump la! save money save time...no need torture your lung. rather die due to lung cancer these fellas... you understand them? i don't... completely don't. and seriously...if you're diagnosed positive with it, i don't think ppl will pity you either. you looked for it. this is only cigarettes...what about drugs? WMB...world's most brainless. drug addicts know its going to kill them, in the worst condition...yet. or do they not know about this? i don't think so...impossible. ecstacy too.. its no fun at all, once your brain starts to suffer malfunction...then soon, who are you? OG...orang gila. rejecting all sorts of factor causing one to consume these products...especially influenced by friends. f*ck off. thats why the term WMB is there. use your brain, think... whats the consequences. use the brain given and differentiate whats good for you, and whats bad for you. everyone knows drugs is bad! and all these are definitely not the way to gain attention. i wrote once, life is like a story book, our storybook about our life. we write our life the way we want. and it will goes the way we choose to write. in these kinda moments, we think for the best way to write. we don't start a hell life to write about. we know these products puts a kick-off of darkness... don't choose to write it. simpler, we don't write a sucked essay for our exams...everyone writes as well as they could...everyone knows, the better the essay, the higher the marks. same thing, a better story, a better life! keep this in mind... if you ever get taunted or whatever makes you wanted to consume these products.

07/03, final piece of words

sigh... handsets got stolen on sunday, not mine... someone's. motherf*ck*r who did that? i hate swearing such cruel words. it causes all our handsets confiscicate...though the logic was its better for the coaches to keep them for us. and i don't know what human we've got here. they stole cheap phones. if you stole expensive phones, i think everyone feels better. 'dai sei' la that fella brought expensive handphone here if it happened. real swt!

CB, and it caused all of us got punished...full loreng for 2 and a half days, on that night itself its enough... what a night. we are about to go home brother, don't look for trouble weh. that 1 days full loreng fk pissing off! what about the next day? (haha, yeah..my reaction was kinda eruption that day...lol. but it was really frustrating that moment, i want the last moments to be fun and full of laughter, instead...i became such a frustrating one. so, it really drove me mad)

when announced we will leave on 10th...well, yea not really happy. but wanna finishes the days left to fullest...

2010-02-13T01:13:00.024+08:00

16/03, sunny

hmm...the weather seems perfect today, a little windy, sunny but its not really hot...comfortable. at least compared to the condition in Tangkas Kendiri... Puchong's hot is much more acceptable. *smile*
the camp must be really empty now... without any trainees there, til the 27th of March once the 2nd batch will be ready to move in. juniors lol. so, its been 5 days, today the sixth....since coming back, completing the programme. haha, think back i was suppose to come back yesterday...only to have our SPM results announced on the 11th, changed the schedule of National Service. that place...maybe not the best of my memories, but... perhaps the term would be, valuable...and yeah, great friends around you made your life simpler and happier there...

waking up at 0520 on the 10th...the TKP was there, showing 0% mercy to those who woke up late for their prayers... i think thats really kinda cruel. he woke all of them up with waters...he did it in a really harsh way.one of dorm mate lied down on his bed upon waking up...he threw that pale of water at him and knock him down using his shoulder, as if he is inviting a fight...well, just look at his muscle...you will definitely shiver as a trainee. everyone was in a state of shock, and every dorm experienced the same thing that morning. he seems to have gone to each room to mess them up. in my sense, is that one of the the purposely done incident, for them to remember...? mm...maybe not. its surprising as thats the day we are leaving the camp, why on earth he did that on the final day? he is un-understandable. sighh. the previous night was our Malam Seribu Kenangan. a night for us... our night. everyone looked happy, (except me, i have my reasons... )we were even joking with all our coaches and bahagian pengurusan. they even joked with the TKP and Commandan...( and that TKP turned evil the next day...real weird fella )
*smile*..in that unhappy state, i can still a great night. with everyone being happy there, you just don't want to ruin your friends mood eh? but still, i sat down completing part of my diary...silently. it was a surprising night though...being forced to take picture with Annie...the way i hate it the most, yeah...i was really pissed off then. but somehow...these buddies, sigh...i just don't get them sometimes. but undeniable, they are great jokers, but ocassionally...overboard. i would have ask her for a photo myself without them if i want to, who needs them...? nah~ bunch of 'ruiners'... lol.

i remember clearly the performance by our coaches that day... a group of silly rockers, faking a group of unknown rock group-singer...lol, guess what they did when entering the stage... they were playing the theme song of the WWE wrestler, Triple H( The Game ) lol, traveling in a van( van Khidmat Negara...lol ) also featured by a loud firework. the hall was erupted by cheers and clapping of hands. you know, got HIGH! once they got down from the vehicle, song changed...lol, it became Kurt Angle's (You Suck...)oh my god~ what a bunch of jokers...JOTY! lol...whole crowd shouted 'you suck' repeatedly according to the music... thats crazy...haha. then they were performing nothing, but faking acts...they weren't playing the guitars they hold. just acting...with the PA Systems playing the song. what an idea..however, they really did entertained the crowd...including me of course. i remember someone took the video of it, but seems like it was not uploaded in any websites. otherwise...lol
that meaningful night ended almost 0215. thats the time when we were about to return to our dorm.
after the TKP went off, it became really calm and quiet... everyone woke up just couldn't lay down and sleep again. i was already preparing myself to leave that morning... i am indeed quiet, and kinda...
all from Selangor and Kelantan will leave on that day at 0730. lol, there goes my tears again...sigh. are they that cheap??? you know when we buddies there started to hug before leaving, saying goodbyes...hmm, what a morning..and yeah, for some reason, i was...not really wanting to leave. i was expecting a 16th departure... at least i could stay there a bit longer...well, i am back now. slowly, i will get used to the life here again.

11/03, Announcing....SPM Results

i guess this is the moment that stretches my nerve to its limit... i came back yesterday, and i have to meet my results the next day. i got so less time to prepare my mental. i was so busy at Tangkas Kendiri, having no time to think about the results ( in truth, i never realise the results were near back then ) til i called Lee Fong at about 1900 yesterday...' its already printed, nothing we can do about it now.' yeah, agree...just face it and plans the next... haha, it was ok yesterday. but once morning arrived...the pressure comes again. especially when Kah Weng arrived and sat down...(at Meenas) my gosh, he sat down with an aura. thats for sure... Pui Yee can feel it too. he made us nervous, even more. Meng was with an unusual emotion too. all printed on their face. upon 1030, i called Lee Fong again to check on the results...'yup' its here! lol..bullseye. off we go...back to school. nostalgia... the teachers i missed so much, the school compounds i missed so much, the place of my memories...its all there. unshifted. all of us headed to the Form 6 block.. there we retrieve our results...
Announcing our highest achiever...Chan Ying Zhi. then the others straight A's. mm...i don't know how many there are.( it appears to be 9 the statements Pn. Lourette holding were...i thought its quite a number. Pui Yee was called next...then Hongshen... Boon, Meng....Diyanah..Vas, Santhi. i don't remember the arrangement, but logically it supposed to be alphebatical. And...i never expect myself, or even to believe that i am one of them. til Pn. Lourette announced Teng Kar Chun...ch, you gotta be kidding me. its, unbelieveable. yes. but, mm...Dad, I did it!

Full Dedication to dear Daddy, mr.Teng Lien Seong...

Bahasa Melayu - A+
English - A
Pendidikan Moral - A-
Mathematics - A
Additional Mathematics - A+
Sejarah - A+
Prinsip Perakaunan - A+
Physics - A-
Chemistry - A+
Biology - A

tears of relieve. believe it or not, yeah...i did it. flashback... i never score an A for BM...never score an A for p.Moral. but it appeared an A in the statement out of miracle. i knew, no matter how unbelieveable it may be, its now a fact... i really got a straight A's for my SPM.
somehow, i was not completely happy...hmm, i doesn't want to mention on it. but however, seeing Kah Weng's 8 A's....i am proud for him. you did it my friend. many friends congrats me...thanks, all my buddies... and my teachers, who had always supported me, and counseling me all the time during my hard times... without them hearing my annoying stories and whining, i don't know who i can approach to. i swore not letting you all down. special thanks and appreciation to Lee fong and Pn.Ooi who were 'annoyed' by me the most... highest regard! thank you Kah Weng...you drive a lot of motivation and support within me...if you never know. when we always discussed about our preparation... you always made me want to work more, especially when i see you giving all out in your favourites...
thanks to my family lastly, who had all along indirectly pushing myself to my limit. although it may sounds a bit pressuring, but...well. thats how it was. they were my midnight 'Batteries'. lol

ryan, signing out...

2010-01-02T03:54:00.013+08:00

01/01, new year..

happy new year everyone!
well, believe it or not, another year has gone behind again...yeah, honestly...i think i am yet to accept that i
~completed form 5
~left my secondary school
~5 years gone so fast
~will have very less chances to meet my friends again
~will be going for national service tomorrow
~and will have to decide for my studies

*chuckle*...i have been thinking for very long, whether or not postpone my national service.. for about 3 weeks..til i made a decision to follow what comes to me..forget about the delay, and just go...i am not sure why myself either...going is undeniable an advantage. i was eager to go very previously..but reach the month of december last year, i just went lost..its like a lost of mood..after finding out many friends were not the same batch... i am 1st to go..many of them will be either the next one, or the following one.. i don't know any other reason that halt my mind, if it wasn't this reason...or maybe i didn't want to go already. even now, i don't think i am very ready to go for it.. guess i misses everything, maybe *sad smile*..
~my school
~friends
~home and family
yeah, 3 months away from puchong... i have been thinking, i misses school and friends most...lol.and yes, even if i am not selected for national service, everyone will be working..so its still the same. everyone will be busy with their own schedule. any either way, things will be different, very different.

it was 2 days behind when i came back from pangkor isle since monday morning. well at least i am able to attend a final outing of 2009 with some of my classmates.. we chat in bus, and some laughter...sometimes our conversation comes to pause too...for a little while before someone started with a new topic.. i guess in everyone's heart, we knew that its going to be a final outing...are we happy? i guess its bitter and sweet.. we cherish our moments and then we misses them.. in pangkor, everyone was able to put all the set back for a moment.. once there, we stop by the house we rented, then have food at a restaurant..then we went to the nearest beach.. and we had fun playing beach ball..
after dinner all of us just spent time in the house chatting..almost all of us slept at past 2 i guess..not sure, i slept quite early... but woke up at 2 something because kah weng nicole mk and ying shi was chatting at the place i sleep, the living room... then it takes another hour for me to regain my snooze..
next morning was raining...then everyone waited til 10 something before moving out.. first was a historical place, then 2 temples...before going to the water spots.. we sat on the banana boat...some sat on jet ski too... yeah it was fun...when we were thrown into the sea.. then we went playing beach ball again..this time was more fun with more players..lol. everyone was aggresive and tried to have most fun as possible. then we went to another side of the beach and mk was made a mermaid...putting him in sands. what a weird mermaid.with male sex organ and boops..and pregnant too. later after that, don't know...suddenly we just decided to end the day, and return to prepare ourselves for dinner.. we had seafoods that night.. but kah weng was so not feeling well..i was worried for him. even today, he did not pick up calls...not sure whats up with him..hopefully his sickness doesn't goes worse..we had games with alcohol indoor after dinner..some girls did not play. i think it was a funny experience..lol. kah weng took so long to settle down for a small cup of it. anyhow, he made everyone laugh with actions and all..always a natural joker. he then took an early sleep. the rest of us finishes the 2 bottles of whiski..i got drunk, but still conscious...nicole the same case..but hers was a bit severe and funny...lol. i think sze yang was a little drunk too. the rest still standing i guess. i am the only one threw out...after 9 cups.so thats my limit. nicole got a little bit funny, talking a lot..gee wey went haywire as well, hearing stories from friends..i made myself careful when i got drunk, afraid of 'slip-of-tongue'-ing..and crying. so i was out, and to zzz...the rest stayed til 4 something.teacher went off with mr ong a while after my tumbang case.. hearing from boon in the morning...we both woke up first at 7..alcohol is not good, but sometimes having fun this way isn't too bad i guess..when its time to say goodbye, i knew everyone was, well...*speechless*

i woke up at 1 20, and ready for body check up...skipped breakfast. things goes normal.then i remembered hui ting invited me to her house for a party or something...yeah so i just went..yesterday. i gueess its gonna do with new year count down gua...i went there randomly not knowing where she stays...but found her house with ease. lol... only a very few of us there la..at least boon and mk are there..then we had a little chat at the yard...i guess most of us really gone out of topic..not knowing what to say already especially me. when yih ying turn up, i was surprised...but after thinking a little, shouldn't be surprised..she is quite close to hui ting after all..she just showed up all of sudden behind me. ch..i guess i should be surprised about my own appearance there..i am actually not so close to hui ting. yeah...now thinking about it, i am quite surprised i went there...but anyway thank her for inviting. i am happy to be invited.. at least she help me ease a little mood before leaving for ns..i thought i will not see yih ying after 8th til cny or taking result this year. no, we didn't talk much though..as usual... just few greetings when she came.
then some of us went old town, i wanna go to have a glass of white coffee since it will be 3 months away to have another one..then saw many schoolmates there and we sat together til today's 00 00..

Faces of 5A '09

~editted through out march and april~

haha, we can already judge him by this look...funny isn't it?

well, yin hong. haha, sigh...have to work eh??...happy new year! he did not went to the isle, he got jobs need to be done. all the best for him for now...til the next time we meet. this man? lol...form 1 we fought a lot lo...remember? (tsk...asking him la, not you...) when we were still kids eh..lol, everyone just love to fight. but get closer as we goes on... without him in a trip is definitely a big lose... haha, i wonder how it will be if he was there with us that day... he is our top talkative friend...lol. sometimes with funny jokes, and sometimes with lame jokes..haha. he have the ability to make you dislike him and like him at the same time too...making you angry sometimes, but easily making us laugh..lol. a smart ass as well he is for me... thats always an impression you crafted on yourself. i am still wondering of course...

he always says that he did not study much. for example bio... but he can get good scores for them. ( if you actually studied for it, well then you deserve it. but if what you said is true, well then i seriously salutes... i would have to read like hell ) he is different. just like i said, he's a top joker. his creativity would have helps alot in it i guess. what i see was, he can says things that no one would thought of sometimes all of sudden...otherwise he can twist our conversations in instant into funny stuffs. lol... (in short kacau punya budak) he is a great companion, thats no doubt.

haha, somehow its weird that this fella has a name - dickson...here's a buddy, sze yang

sze yang...he is funny i guess for many...yeah, and we are close. with his mother as well, as i meet her a lot back then, when we used to play football everyweek... we had also worked restlessly in our sports for Blues for the past 5 years, eyeing achievements and fames for Temenggung, at least once... we used to win a lot in every year's campaign individually, but never able to do enough to make temenggung a successful house... though, we aren't at worst luck, when efforts after efforts that were poured the past 4 years seems to be a hopeless dream for me. year 2009 finally gave us what we had always hoped for...glory. we were at craze when we first hold a trophy in 5 years, that moment was as if we won the whole world, lol. in our celebration, 'our first trophy...our first trophy'. that was during our road run 2009. and we started turning things around for our house after that event...Blues went on giving more surprise performance. we became champion and runner-up in two respective events in the final day. he fits well with mr yin hong above. one of the perfect combos...lol, they came from same primary anyway. when they start with all their funny jokes and dirty ideas, yeah... there will be eruption of laughter in our class then. unstoppable. all this while they were all real active fellas in class.

hmm...i thought it should be conflict free with all my friends in 07 onwards. as we are all now grown up... but it seems not. well... i never tell him about this... where i once hated him,quite much.. and fed up on him...yeah, i was. there was so much of disappointment back then... i am not sure if i should ever write this here... its indeed still very fresh in mind, the things he did... and the tears i shed for... because i was not able to do anything... my feelings got worse. and i know i can't really blame him. sometimes i thought of talking to him about it... as i had kept it long. i thought i would be better if i talk to him. but, yeah... there are things should be just remained 'untouched'... i am afraid to talk about it though, afraid to hear things that i might not want to... and i am glad things remains as it is now... well, its over now. precisely, it has ended. i will not want to recall anything about it anymore... its all the past... because i hate to hate him, a buddy... and a great companion during our times spent together.
i wonder why i wrote this, after reading it...i guess..., i am trying to take something out from my heart, and be candid to you. (if you ever happened to read this) all the best for your plans ahead. not sure what ya goin to do, good luck making choices.

*smile* ^^, look at him. lol... here's our mr. corey

next we will mr...tang kah weng in my blog. haha, his name was used to be alvin... but er, 0% idea where did the name corey came from. lol... but still kah weng sounds the best ^^. haha... he is my closest buddy i guess... in form 1 we used to fight with each other so~ much... that i couldn't recall why... lol. in primary too... i remember during those times, so many of us dislike him...(no offense dude, hah...i couldn't believe it too), but somehow now, haha... everyone of us loves him... all of us want him to be around. and no doubt, he is my ever funny companion... and you just need him when you're bored and needed someone to talk to. and i am the one who always needed him as a buddy, studymate. and i am glad he is always there. he really changed alot since, an unknwon period of time. a sign of maturing i guess. he shocked everyone when he scores highest in bio once... then all of us teased him about his ambition of being a gyne... i am not sure... but he told me that he wants to specialise in oncology pula... lol.(but now his target is on pharmacy already.

hope he can find the real interest in future...i owe him a lot too i would say... we get really close to each other during form 4... thats where our bond really formed. hydrogen bond lol... and our teachers were used to confused and got our names mixed up... haha. we sat together at the back of the class back then, and became the most talkative duo in the class... our daily conversations were so abundant. gossips, drama series lol... i never feel boring. and he taught me a lot things and helped me alot in my bio... it was form 4, that i had many hard times... so, those times i was really down, it was thanks to him i was able to deal with all the set back... he was there always available to talk to. and in year 2009 he helped me master my chemistry... without his help, i would have probably flung those papers during exams... and my SPM too. so i really owed him a lot... so much of grattitude there was, but i could only say thank you for now... i felt really sorry, knowing i did not helped him much in his add maths... i am really sorry. i thought i tried my best... but i should have tried harder during those available time... i hope he can one day, achieve all that he want in the future... all the best kah weng.

ahh yes, our idol... lol. its not because he holds a mic. he's always so called 'ideal man' for every woman...there he goes, ah boon.

soon boon...hah, a friend i had always admire. with his near-to-perfect discipline and attitude, its not a surprised to have all teachers of batu 8 to love him... for them, he is almost the flawless man we have in our school...=_=, pn syarifah always uses him as the role model. lol... jealous...of course jealuos. well, he deserves the credit. i never see him being tired despite he has to do so much, he is always highly spirited. very responsible as well... he simply complete everything that was given to him... sigh, and thats the pity of him. always being asked to do things for teachers. mm... well a typical monitor's job. lol. the class monitor for 5 years... haha, and we were the one who forced him to take over every year... haizz

a great friend to have... i am proud myself honestly, to have a friend like him... the day he recieves the 'tokoh ko-kurikulum' award... i felt very happy for him as well... he deserve every single bit of that award... besides, seeing him, dealing with problems regarding to his family... i learnt that he had undergone so much, which made him so matured now, who he is now... i believed he sure had hard times dealing with them, though he never shows it. from studies, housechores and working, he handled all of them at once. with no sweat. if i am in his shoes, seriously. how long can i stand? haha... he should be our future plastic surgeon, hopefully he can achieve his dream in future... and help to make this world to have more 'leng lui' and 'leng zai'...lol. but without side effect la. otherwise...

haha... i guess this would be his best shot. our drift king, DK lee

besides soon boon, meng too. haha, yes he is holding a doll, but he ain't like a kid. he probably bought it as another torturing pet...lol. haha, remember how 'teddy' was being tortured those days guys (5A)? uhh god... i wonder hows that teddy now, probably being replaced already. well, our 5 A will definitely different without him... haha, together with the other guys, they are all perfect combos of GB funny and dirty jokes. hah, sometimes overboard til teachers got angry. well school days, laughter comes first. the thing is, he doesn't need to start it, but all the guys will simply go behind and sit around with him especially vas, santhi, seng... those crazy fellas, loves to stick around him. i sit in the second last row, basically always near to their 'hideout' lol... miss those funny moments of course. this fella insisting to go catholic high for form 6, tsp... otherwise form 6 batu 8 meet la. hmm... and our sporting guy here is just as kind as yin hong. lol, always go out sure willing to fetch me back. no worries for my transport... (slo, i am not saying this because he fetches me home, but if your friend always send you home... its not too good eh? but they don't mind it... ^^) well, just wait i get my license...

meng probably has the most 'adult' personality among us. well i am not so sure... sometimes he sounded like an adult to me... haha, and i know he can deal very well with people. ermm, streetwise. haha.because he can talk! not crap but right communicating ways...(when he chooses to do it) haha, cos he can either be friendly with you or perfectly the other way once you ignite his anger. but he is always nice to us, no worries.^^ he is one of our top seed here in 8th miles (academic wise). lol... thats why i admire him. he proves me right. 'it depends on oneself, its a question of either you want it or not'. he is hardworking and of course... well, creative. primary biasalah... playful wert. future engineer? hah, no sweat la~ for him.

alright, don't get fooled by his dumb dumb look. he is bt 8's einstein.

hong shen...he is our brilliant mastermind of all... he is leaving for singapore soon, under asean scholars... haha, that basically show his ability. to me, he is a very humble fella, and always motivates me. lol, but i usually ignores them. why? cos he is too positive with things. haha, but its always fun when we argue about things that i am negative about but the opposite to him. through out all this years, he has been helping me alot with my studies... especially in making me think. everytime ask him about add maths. he will point with his finger on the paper, or... 'like this la'. lol. thats the way he taught me. well some may think that he didn't want to teach...erm, well if we think about it, he is actually wanting us to think first. so don't misunderstand him k 5A? well see, he got me improved so much... haha. not only add maths of course. sometimes he stay back to explain physics to me and kah weng if we requested.

many will not comment much about this smart ass here. haha... as he is just always too calm with everything on this earth. hmm, i wonder if the sky really fall one day. can you be that calm mr chua? lol... that's why i guess many us don't actually know him to the fullest... but being one of the closest one to him, ermm... maybe just one word to describe him. simple. ^^ besides academically excelled,he is active in sports as well... he won not less medals throughout these years though. my temenggung buddy of course! (see i introduced him with blue words? *wink) since he is our mister serious in class, thats why he fits well with me... so we both are close... favourite topic : football. lol... but now, hmm

haha, never forget santhi...

haha, i found his best shot...this one, during times in pangkor isle

vas, haha... the fake-est innocent look! LOL...(no offense vas)

and hisyam...

a lifetime classmate...since primary school.

around... everyone loves to have santhi around... santhi is always like other guys, always packed and stand by with their jokes and funny funny stuffs... which always put smiles and laughter at everyone's mouth... santhi for me, ermm...lol, its surprising he got a bigger size though he is a vege =_=... he sits besides hisyam, and i cant tell what kind of things can come out from their mouth all time to make you laugh. i always see he and hisyam always have the laughters together with yih ying and pui yee behind them. being a head prefect, our mr hisyam can still puts that aside and go craze with the rest of us. i can't remember how many times our class actually being commented about the noises that our class can produce. erm... now i don't recall noisy class condition anymore... probably its actually not so noisy for me, and yeah... eeryone involved producing it though. haha, and i remember seng fui was always the loudest one. undeniable. his 'window wiping laugh' was probably the cause... and he laughs really terrible. man~ how can someone laugh like that? not only that, our mr seng here also got many fans out there, (dei, how come so many hot chicks caught up with him ler??! jealous weh...lol) and, of all the things 5A created, i guess the most memorable trademark would be... haha, 'fuh...kah~ weng...' no idea why kah weng always had to be the victim. it don't stop here, also the mess they created at the ping pong court. damn its only beside our class haha. they break chairs there, play truant for ping pong sometimes... and play around there often. i broke a chair too actually. lol... i remember we were playing behind there, then seng carried the wooden chair, then we played taekwondo there. lol, i broke it with a side kick... lol

chun kit... simply an important friend

ermm... we parted from each other since form 4, into defferent class. yeah faces of 5 A huh... its okay, he is always a part of us. i am sure... haha. mark my word, he is a super talkative one. lol... thats why its funny sticking around these guys. haha, perhaps a very good listener of mine. and all the teasing among each other. he might says alot of what so called 'fei hua' sometimes. but incredibly, his words sometimes indirectly make me feel better. yeah, very useful 'fei hua'. maybe i am 'fei' so his words were all helping me feel better. lol... i will appreciate all the efforts doing and revising add maths together for our SPM last. its unforgetable.

and also the ladies of course. i had thought it again, not to put their pictures here.

~ yeng nee... one of batu lapan's hope ~~ cai ying... our miss sporting of 5A ~ ~ hui ting... ahh, our diabolo mistress lol. and thanks for inviting me that night. it was a great relieve and i appreciate it so much ~ ~ gee wey... the drunken mistress. man~ its scary when she got drunk ~

pui yee... i always convince myself that knowing pui yee is something... its one of the best thing in my life to have such a friend... always caring, helpful and humble. and very smart as well. i know her since primary 2.. since then we were so close. infact we were all along very close. always having fun with eevern, jane and ying zhi and others.. yeah, those times... in secondary, once again.. we were classmates, til the very last day when we leave the school. she is always there to help me, always there to talk to me.. always there to try to comfort me if i am down. what else one can expect from your friend? she's definitely one of the angelic one. infact, she does that to every friends of hers.. its not surprising at all that everyone likes her and respect her.she always give positive opinions, and motivates her friends.. always there to give advises and her point of views.. she is ever so humble. its a very admireable trait for sure. well, moving to australia next year. i will save words til then to wish you pui yee.. for now, lets enjoy the moments in malysia.

haha, almost forgotten this fella here. yee long. no no, yee long is a guy lol. he is also a great buddy. we are close to each other, but lack of seeing each other. he was in 5B back then, but it was such a great relieve to meet him again when he transfer to batu 8 in 2008.. thank god, we get along well again within the 2 years.. as many knew him since primary and being in the same primary school. and we were from the same kindergarten. LOL... ever see him laugh? or talking jokes? or maybe imitating someone's line...? i can assure you. you will laugh the whole day. there another one goes again, a perfect combo to us 5A guys. lol...

ying zhi, was a friend since kindergarten.. then we went into the same primary school.. somehow thinks that she was very different as she enters secondary.. yeah yeah i know everyone changes.. but it was drastic.. yeah everyone has problems.. sometimes ppl just don't tell. like me.. lol. but its great, to make them lessons for us. yeah though we were not really super close back then, but i guess we always remember we have a friend here. some sort of thinking. well, we have to admire her brilliant writing skills. and her hardworking. sigh... lets categories that as a nerd. LOL... (no offense eh.. biasa lah, ejek ejek...) haha, yu always commented that her exam papers answers were exactly like those printed n the reference books. lol, yeah even wong said so. thats incredible.

nic.. nic.. nicole.. lol. lets see.. i actually owe nic a lot of times.. lol. there was time i always get her to talk with me.. not in the class, but in msn. alright we don't talk in msn. chatting? any appropiate term? lol.. there was a period i am so desperate to talk to someone.. lol, sounds like a guys period. kaka.. does all guys have that period? i wonder.. .. .. nah cut it out. ok, something was on back then, so i get her to talk about it. when was it?lol.. i can't really remember.. was it, 07 and 08? haha, guess so.. yeah very thankful for being there. it was since then we became close.. really close. never knew that she was, who she is. lol (what am i talking about) back then in junior secondary, we were not very close.. haha, you know what (i mean nic).. i was touched with her message she texted me yesterday(midnight of 31st). absolutely flattered by the texts. (best or close friend ar? lol..)

hmm.. the other day you got so drunk in pangkor, i am kinda shocked to see you in that condition, like an alcohol freak LOL.. but was damned surprised realising you can drink so much.. i am beaten by a girl.. i threw out when she was still fine that day.. so 'fish'. haha, but nevermind, its a good thing to not have the ability to drink so much though. i guess she really misses all her friends as the time to say goodbye is so near.. understandable, i felt that way too.. or perhaps, everyone there actually felt the very same way as well.. hahhh.. its great to have nicole around all these while. simply another important friend.

vivi.. nahh. i don't have much to say about this ever wild and aggresive brat of 5A lol.. other than perempuan paling ganas dalam class aku, are there any other better description?.. fuhh! i ingat when primary dulu, ini sakai lady always fight with us guy.. throw kasut summore.. lol. gila weh. now think back real funny and za dou le. how could you DID that to me? lol... paling worst baling la something else. why were we fighting back then? lol.. no idea.. sigh... having her around.. bitter sweet. normal la.. but i guess as friend, it shouldn't be a prob.. only some of her traits are not easy to deal with, yeah...as my president, respect you la. apa boleh buat. itu pangkat tinggi ma. admire your leadership, but only a little. as much as few grains of sand LOL.. my leadership also very good u know.. hehe, blues for example. eh eh. haha.. ahh, friend since primary school.. somewhat there was a kind of bonding eh.

aiyoo, this one. i initially left her out. why huh? lol. yeah cos of the faces of 5A. lol... from 5C, jo yee. definitely the most 38 lady. lol... don't get it? 'sam pat'. haha... but it would be no fun having her with us if she isn't that way. that is why she was categorised as one of the jokers. we were from same primary school as well. but weren't that close. unlike now... guess being secretary of the blues actually contributed more or less in our relationship. whoa, about that... don't underestimate her dude. she is proudly our bt.8 top 3 female runners, (behind that ganas vivi, memang tak hairan la dia ada sedikit kelelakian LOL) and blues' top runner. lol.. its podium every year for road run my friend. haha.. man~ she got guts dude. well, talking with her sometimes, will put a smile on my face again.. and hiking up the atmosphere is almost certain in a gathering.

and...one that had always, and will always remain special... oh yih ying

2009-12-12T21:59:00.004+08:00

12/12, cloudy,
and what a heaty night...

phew...well its 4 days since my SPM ended... some of my friends will still have to sit for BC on monday...all the best guys...and 'jia you!'

hm..yeah, 4 days...
and i already misses the school so much. on second thought, i am already an ex-secondary school student. its 5 years in a glimpse of an eye.
mm...should be both eyes sorry...
after my previous post, its all the science subjects. and account too...seriously, i was kinda disappointed with my performance...i was thinking, yeah that paper was seriously...difficult for paper 2. question 2. that question yes many couldn't do it i understand.. but i never expect i did a mistake in my question 4. it was a mistake that i first thought of doing the right way...but i was wondering if i was thinking too much during the exam... so i ended up ignoring what i thought of that moment..(which should be the correct way of answering)
after the paper i was thinking again.. guess its too late. seriously no comment on it. yeah, i should have this and that again huh...officially no more A+... i guess a maximum of A- or A only, which i guess some luck will be pretty much needed there...
because of that poor preformance, i almost end up taking my physics without a planned preparation. on that day itself(account exam day), we classmates were discussing and having some words with each other during the break, i told my friends i have not slept for a long time, worrying about account. though all this while i score A for my accounts...but i can forecast that the paper is not going to be easy, bio the previous day was another killing paper...so i guess everything is going to be tough... and i guess all this while, the account i had in school is, not to say easy...its too smooth i guess...like i said, its A all this while...unlike other subjects, i 'fall down' before in those science subjects and add maths which makes me put in extra effort..so i guess the extra effort is missing for account...so i was so worried and i couldn't sleep the whole night. i tried putting myself to sleep. i tried real crazy hard but my mind can't sleep, and many things is playing in my mind.
yih ying said ' if you cannot sleep you should just study, why wasting your time forcing yourself to sleep?'...
-i was previously doing it because i told myself : i have to sleep, and have the concentration to sit for this(account) exam...infact i face insomnia for all subjects during my SPM..except for add maths and chemistry.
all the goodbyes to friends after the papers...into my mom's car, totally speechless til i reach home, i was drying out of energy, and nothing stops me from a snooze now... i woke up 10 30 that day...still a very fresh incident for me. skipping my dinner, i was sitting on my study chair like an idiot... redeeming, calm down and finally made up my mind, i should take a good sleep, wake up early in the morning, then continue with my physics...
hah, nicely planned but @#$% turns out...tried to force my sleep again..so damn many images and don't know what the @#$% kind of things...non stop playing in my mind...now talking about it, man~ those ppl who do bad things la face this kind of stupid problem...i tak buat jahat la...mungkin ada la, tapi bukan yang sial jahat kan? lol...SPM saja lah...sleep only lah, (lol, now i'm talking) but seriously, vas told me he face nothing about sleeping problem...salute weh
after 2 hours attempt, i remembered what yih ying said back then, it just crossed my mind after such a long time...( which i should have thought of earlier ) i grabbed my ass up and studied.. that time, it was....i think its almost 2 am... yea, thanks to that, i studied til 10 30, and take my sleep after breakfast.
when i climb back to my bed, i felt happy...well.. alright i don't wanna explain further...just, happy... perhaps grateful. i woke up at 4 30, full of spirit, dunno why... took my bath, and continued, til i finished my physics the next day. after paper 2 the next day, i only said one thing, aku bersyukur dan terima kasih kerana 20 jam yang aku tidak tidur itu!!! membuahkan hasil... yeah, and of course those words.
well not saying that i will excel, but, i think i did well...perhaps my best time doing physics papers. i enjoy doing it.. for a very first time. *smile*
biology was, tough. but this one, the 5 days time to study, i only utilised 3... lol, i guess many wouldn't stand the temptation to take a break during that 5 days... but at least i used 60% leftover...erm, its more than half right..^^. yes again, tough...but i am satisfied with what i had done. i worked for it, at the end of the day, input=output, agree? during my study process, i was telling myself 'aig, this gonna be the last time i will study this book...lets just enjoy the process of studying bio which i like'.. and just tell bio papers to bring it on!!! that was what pn selvi thought me..' whatever it is, enjoy your study process, because you'll definitely misses them ' i thinks its a useful way of motivating...lol, don't know, these words works well on me.
after physics, i am able to sleep, peacefully as if SPM was over, on the 3rd of 2009's final month. another so many days left for chemistry... i was happy that day, and so excited and looking forward for the 8th, bbq at lee fong's house.
talking about her, well.. i am grateful that this lady turned up in 2009, and knowing her in my life. as a class teacher, she is great. as my chemistry teacher, i loved her. (jangan salah faham, ini adalah kasih sayang terhadap guru), and as a friend(not sure if i am eligible to call her with this title) ryan teng is grateful to have met this lady, Wong Lee Fong. i am not sure, frankly speaking, i wasn't studying my chemistry well in form 4... i think those papers last years were too easy(with my ability now), so i managed to score 70 in successive 3 occasions of exams(2008)...after pn siti admitted to hospital this year, and replacement teacher grace(she was doing fine, i think she comes in with an honesty of teaching and guiding) came in, then bryan... i lost every single interest in chemistry..i don't like changes. there are just too many changes which seriously pissed me off. in fact previously, i was only studying it for the sake of exam, which i don't think that i actually know what i was studying.(thats why i was writing that chemistry last year was too easy) maybe i should say i never had any interest in chemistry. during these periods...and with 6 months of chaotic experience, my chemistry sucked. real sucked. after bryan left, she took over. before she took over, i knew she was the new teacher this year. i met her few times in the staff room, and started talking after she joined leo. back then i thought she was a serious person, she was reading reader's digest during those time where she haven't have any major classes to teach...i never knew she was funny and real friendly..and yes, a great teacher. when she started to teach 5A, well that moment no comment...she's new, you know what i mean.and my mind was, another replacement?... (i truly regretted everything i thought that very moment)..i remembered the first time she entered 5A, she gave us a test, and i practically showed her how bad was i back then.. then when she started teaching heat of reaction,her approach sounds normal,slides....but its able to keep me listening to her lectures. her teaching goes on, and then we get to know each other better just like other teachers after a certain time. during a career talk, i realised how important was chemistry in many fields..medic can survive without bio but no way without chemistry. i don't really remember what happened back then, me and kah weng always meet her and she teaches us personally...then, i know alot which i don't previously...then my JPS paper showed just my chemistry is terrible... that time, i think its already september or october where we are already close, i seeked help asking her to mark my paper with me...i learnt a lot. then, i managed 73 in trials, which i never thought of doing that well...she told me i was actually good in it, only there are certain things missing from me...practices and understanding. i don't know why, we mix around a lot, together with kah weng, and we always joke and talk, many things about chemistry i absorbed from them.that moment, i knew..chemistry is a lot of fun..then she prepared additional class for few times...my most memorable class, a class regarding salt...besides kah weng who really made me know that there were actually a lot of things about salt.he made me like it so damn much...that was that, but lee fong is the one who made me know what i am studying all this while. i have no offence to other chemistry teacher who previously tookover, but seriously,she is unique for me...maybe because we are close, not sure. after trial, i am able do very well in the past years papers...very well..its confidence boost. and those works she gave, no problem.
while i was writing all this, pn. wong, if you are reading, i just wanna let you know how you made me learn and how you taught me... after seeing you posting something really adsurd about yourself in facebook... because this wasn't what i planned to write initially. i was grateful knowing her because besides her guidance, she was always motivating me eversince she was teaching me personally for that very few times..her motivation until SPM starts is what telling me that i must do well..( but for this, i am grateful to all teachers...mohon restu yes, it makes students like us more pressured, but it reminds us that I must do well)
what touches me most was the day she texted me in midnight on 1st Dec, i thought it was those digi annonymous messages...i read it at 2 something, when i found out it was her, quickly reply...at the end, there she inject spirit again... it was the moment i needed it desperately... if pn vasu is still around, i will be enriched with them...i am not saying she is a replacement of pn vasu...i couldn't remember how many times she told me 'gambateh'... that message almost made me cried... its not about the content or what... just the intention of texting me itself, without reading it, its touching enough to receive a message from my teacher, asking how was her student doing... during the 4 days, i fully focused for 2 days... and yes, my effort makes me take my chemistry 2009 with confident..
i will say this thousands of times, my chemistry is nothing without you lifting me up...(though friends and my effort myself qere important)
don't ever say something like wanted improving your teaching skills or whatso-ever similar to mean that your not good in teaching, anymore. other than calling you out to treat you makan, lol, i choose to give all out, to get an A+ to appreciate you...and, of course its also for my own good..and finally,

thank you, Pn. Wong.

hah...on the 8th, it was a good night... everyone had fun...and nisha was shooting non stop with her camera. the girls as well.. everyone prepared things, did their part, and made it a, not bad bbq night. its definitely not flawless...lol.me, as usual will be looking place to sit down and look for some chit chat...finally, i am not sure... but it was a first to sit down and talk to yih ying...it has been real long time. it was, yeah..i am just glad it happen.. then pui yee is there, teacher and kah weng as well...many was there too after done with their shooting spree. yeah it was really a good night... evryone went off like 11 30, me and kah weng was there cleaning up..then sb and mk too... then we chat again till about 1 45... that midnight chat, well touching case to listen...sometimes we just have to think how fortunate we are, and really appreciate family, friends, and all we have... many just don't these days aren't they...i know it sounds a bit weird saying this without mentioning what we were talking about..i will not write because its personal, and i got no rights writing about others ppl's things...well, lets keep in mind what i just wrote..

on 10th, another party, for leos...it was kinda boring going to vivi's house early, cos things already be done, and i was chatting with her, before some friends turn up...gossiping to be precise...lol.then me kw and sb went out yam cha....pappa rich. then after an hour chatting, pn wong also turn up..lol. yin hong and mk too...then we tease yh a little while...lol. drink for a bit, then chat for a bit, laugh for a bit....it was so healthy..lol. then at vivi's house...i don't know, seeing those juniors. i just realise how we have grown up and how mature we actually are...we spend all our time bbq up there again til pn wong leaves...so many laughter during that few hours...then we too pictures again. after that we went down to our nostalgia basement where we use to hang out there instead, now we prefer the yard...we played there til 1 something, and need to have py fetch many of us home... and made her being scolded by her mom...sorry pui yee. but glad everyone had fun.

days now are seriously boring.... i usually wake up, knowing there will be something important up next to be done...now, hah...looking forward to pangkor trip now... kw was right, that will be one of the moment to play all out... yes, i guess that trip, i will unleash myself to play a little overboard...hehe.

mm...yeah my post are long... but i like to do it this way. there are reasons haha, doing this way. anyway i got a lot to write too...anything that cames into mind. another tiring day...
ryan signing out....

ah. good luck, friends taking BC.

2009-11-27T23:07:00.003+08:00

27/11, cloudy and heaty.....

lets have a look at todays date first.... ahhh, already ended second's week of SPM... the third week will be the week of... THE REAL EXAM..... for me.. bio is up, then accounts and physics...then the final week after that will be chemistry... i would say the final week will be the most... relax and best week...lol infact for everyone isn't it... i am confident with my chemistry... bio its...so and so... not very confident...but not very the other way round too... physic is something i kinda scared of. accounts no comment... but one thing for sure... i can't afford to lose out in any of these final 4 subjects. hah, look again... only 4 left... these two weeks i barely had enough sleep... except for yesterday. i woke up 2+... lol.. yesterday night was funny...lol, guess what. pn. wong sms me... giving morale ( or moral? lol) support.k la....chemistry A!!! A+ there's a difficulty.....tsk tsk...tak berani nak fikir.... BM and English seriously...how to get A+? maximum also 75 and 85 respectively right? and moral le? how? so i really don't understand... i bet straight A+ is too difficult to get. almost impossible... sigh, whats gonna happen to our scholarship? i only looked forward for all A's. so far.... i think i did well.

BM i tried my best, the karangan pemanasan global i did it in trial. so basically i threw out everything i wrote in trial. its kinda nice, because i had time to figure out new points besides writing the same one. the tatabahasa is a bit hard, but everyone went through it, and we really that pn. maheran's and our effort all this while will give us the good outcome... english...the summary was for me difficult. lol, i first did it with 168 words, then i was like...'you gotta be kidding me!' hahaha....second attempt...135...yeah something ike that.. and the literature was challenging...but i like it.. its kinda open question, as long as we have our solid points to justify, there shouldn't be any problem... then sejarah... honestly this time's history is the worst paper i have ever done...but my worst is not that super bad la...its a word to compare... i mean all this while, always scoring 90+ for paper 2, i kinda like, not having the fullest confident in me like i usually do during all the school's exams... well i answered everything i should already back then... i gave everything...

haha, i was happy on monday. not sure, but i guessed everyone, at least have a moment to breathe.... it was maths...remember guys? lol....hmm it would be so nice if every paper is like maths...lol, isn't it... i am not saying i am perfect in maths... but at least, i think its the most easy one compare to all the others. and i think its a subject easy to master...practise makes perfect yes...but it don't require as much as add maths do.. i was so damned worry about tuesday back then...i couldn't sleep eventhough i made myself sleep at 12, i keep on forcing myself to...and i couldn't til 3 am +... morning was a bit nerve breaking... i can't see myself suffering from insufficient sleep... but at least BRAND's chicken essence provided a little bit of aid. lol.... not actually, i can't feel the effect of that chicken essence...i was telling myself' i took brand's... so i dhould be fine' lol... lying to myself...yes. but at least i felt secure back then. that paper was dissapointing...in a sense that it doesn't ask any text book based questions...damn swt. imagine us who went through the text book....what a waste..but of course, we never know rite...reading it is always better.tsk if we would have knew it...sigh. after that day adam, kah weng, chunkit, yin hong they all came to my house again, group study... kah weng and ck came on saturday... and we did a little bit too back then. that tuesday, everyone stayed til dinner and left at 10... that moment i really hoped that it helped them. sincerely... ck and me was the better one there, so we aid the rest... adam was a bit quite that day. yin hong though joking all day, but focus is still there. yin hong was our probability king...lol so probability his show time. its was fun for me that day... i had a lot of fun. but it was so tiring. i came back and took an hour nap waiting for them. insufficient. but each time i looked at kah weng's spirit, man, i told myself that i have to continue too. besides fun, i think that process gained back all my confident...after getting my first A in trial.. i kinda less practising on it.. focusing more on my sciences..so i am glad that my friends came here, group study, and keep encouraging each other. wednesday's add maths...paper 1 was, lets not say easy. i can do. and very confident in it. i guessed all my hard work was paid nicely there.... after 3 hours of another final revision, i felt more prepared again, and ready for it... before the mext paper i kept telling myself to calm down, and no careless mistakes...seriously, paper 2 is difficult. no joke. past years questions are all more direct. infact the other states papers too... i managed my way through, and really thanked god, i can do...i finished what i should with 20 minutes spare. so, use all minutes to check all the questions. after the paper i was. happy. very happy. because. well everyone said the paper was hard. i am not saying that i am going to score full marks or.... you know, i have been working hard for add maths a lot, thanks to pn lim and pn selvi too...and i. yeah i done it happily...it was kinda personal to. you know when ppl say its very difficult but i managed to accomplish what i want. to do it just like my trial. and i did. though it sounds kinda evil too, yeah thats how i felt back then. and i think what i did wrong was expressing my joy that day. i guessed i should apologise. not sure, i should have thought that not everyone actually you know, but i was like a kid jubilating there and saying i might get and A+ and stuffs.. its kinda boastful now to think of what i did back then...
hahhh..its a relieve...but somehow feel...yeah only 2 days and its nostalgic already...i liked add maths alot. when i became better under pn lim, and when she said i am good enough i am really happy about it. cos add maths is a difficultand challenging subject. i am happy i mastered it. and really thanks to friends help, especially hong shen..many don't like his way of teaching(sorry hs if you are reading)...he don't show you the ways, only telling you hints..but i am glad his ways made me think a lot and improved me...and those on tuesday too...thanks to them i have more confident.. the paper was hard, but i hope everyone of us,all classmates, schoolmates and friends elsewhere out there score well...work hard everyone for the coming papers...and best of luck again...

sorry cos its really boring to read this... but you know, i wanted to express it somehow...

a week before exam, the mohon restu thingy...2 weeks before today, man...its quick. i still remember that day very well, 13/11. yy's birthday...that morning 5 A celebrated it. vivi bought 2 cakes... one for her and another for lee fong...haha, teacher's was on 10th. me and kah weng treated her a dinner. yeah and after that dinner she sent us to pn lim's tuition...lol..man i can't stop talking about add maths now. what an idiot. its over. that tuesday night was kinda crazy.. 3 of us chatting and laughing til so gila loud and, macam lepas SPM...lol. whoa, but seriously, we ate alot. kah weng next day told me he had a bloating stomach.lol...
that day vivi bought both also like ...dunno , chocolate and tiramisu i think. then pn shamala allowed us to the canteen for 30 minutes.. gao tim everything, back to the hall. erm...well before that a few photo. maybe because of time factor, its kinda done in a hurry. waiting in the hall was boring, for the lecturer to come... sesat lagi...sigh, susah sangat ke nak locate batu lapan??...sad case la.. such a high profile school....lol..when the lectures begin...oh my god. he started of with a video, of a man, armless and legless...man~ that moment was seriously... i just can't control myself and i became the first crybaby there...can't help, it was touching...nevermind, i am already famous with my crying profile in school..lol. nothing to shy about. haha, at the end, who cares what happened to me..everyone cried...except there are some heartless fella or dunno whats wrong with them la...not shedding a single tear.. maybe good eq too. when we say thank you to our teachers and they encourage us and giving us hug, it was touching...i cried, and yes, terribly..hmm.. that moment its like telling them i wont disappoint them and of course my family...i am not sure, but what i know is that, everyone in my family is looking for me to score well..though mom always said its ok its ok and stuffs... phew, how long did i cried?... lol about 20 minutes i think. after settling down many things, acc tuition again.. hahh, 2nd last occasion.when it ends, pui yee brought a cake out and 2nd celebration...yy was a bit...late pick up that moment...i knew py is buying one, not knowing vivi buying 2...i guessed she will be annoyed by the cakes that day..so many...i was wondering if her family bought one too...that makes 5.. ughh...
maybe cried a lot that day, i remembered i slept very early...

hmm....haha, i was writing all about exam. so i thought i should write something else. and that day was something very memorable too.

alroght....friends, best of luck again...2 weeks to go..
~ryan~

2009-11-08T00:21:00.002+08:00

08/11, rainy

today's weather represents so much of my mood.. after schooling yesterday, accounts tuition was followed by....and ends 4.. but i reached home almost 6. had a little chat py about future plans and sorts of stuff... yeah, about this.. i have my plans. but, still not sure yet...i still wonder if py really likes accounting and finances.. it was parents choice though.. infact, she should be able to study anyhting that she wished to with her ability... yy.. knew something like she planned taking form 6.. but heard something like she changed her mind, to get a scholarship to pursue studies elsewhere.. well, things like that require patience, then will see what goes her way after SPM results are out. anyway it won''t be a surprise case though if she get one.. with her intelligence, nothing should trouble her either way...

kah weng too well planned... all the way to hunt his dream, hs got his way to singapore... others not really sure.. me, my counselor adviced me to apply scholarship after getting result, if its very good result, i might get one... if i don't get one, i guess i will end doing form 6...then will see what is it like within the 2 years and STPM results say. nursing will be it if i can't reach my medicine dream.its almost useless though to talk about this, its so uncertain with the SPM not taken yet..feeling a bit jealous that everyone had made up their mind you see.

yeah i guess everyone is so busy preparing for our exams...10 days left, maybe nine.... i just finished accounts revision...good to see i myself did not slack off for these weeks.. Jeannie was right.. "its your last chance".obviously.. i'm gonna repeat this, time passes really fast.. my head were playing back all the memories during the past years this few days.. happy ones, and those very sad one.. i remembered how childish me and my friends were... those immature days... some happy moments. and several of heart break, sad moments.. nahhh now i am talking as if i left this school already... well i guess everyone will too...
thats why ryan is attending school everyday... the time to meet is getting less.. so what i was trying to do is, lets go through this together guys. i am preparing well now, i hope what i have now and the days to come can let me through in the later days. and hopefully everyone, including me of course will have great time studying now, tomorrow and all the following days til the papers are over..

i saw my last post....about my lost mobile. seems like it has been real busy for me..infact everyone, i don't see friends online today...i got a new one.. mom bought it for me. yeah, many thanks.. i know she loves me, hopefully she knows i do too..i would say no one in the family can really understands me. i have 2 personalities, at home and at school.. i can't really communicate with them.. we got too many things and ideas in different views.. so we use to argue alot.. nahh, so many things felt like writing it but then, mm...
talking about it, i am thinking a lot since yesterday..theres something that i would like to say and do...but then felt i shouldn't..there are just things that we shouldn't do right?? if we know that its bad for us...? sighh.. but then it might be the last chance if we don't do it..

even it has been long since then, i couldn't write much though... these days are tiring and boring...and worrying too.. plus...mindbothering... i guess its because nothing much happened these days..
regards from ryan to friends in other school...

i will be doing fine with my not so fine body...

*ryan signing out*

2009-09-19T11:57:00.003+08:00

19/09,
another blow.....

ryan.....lost his phone. shall i have anything to say? speechless. i am absolutely speechless... i am shrouded with guilts now. the moment i knew it, i looked for it. i left my seat, walk for the exit...and i felt my phone was not in my pocket anymore...i ran back to my seat its.....
my friends came to me...back in the cinema, and i was really stunted that very second....ryan said...'lets go'. well there's nothing left for me to do... i don't really blame the one who 'took' it.. its my responsibility on my own thing... i am very unhappy... i am sad one because i lost it... second is my careless attitude... and i felt very sorry for my mom... i got home and i said sorry to her... i lost something expensive...she said it was fine and all... but still.....
glad that mom understands too...i thought she would have bombarded me last night....midnight supposed-ly.. well she didn't...
yeah i could at least take it better than when i broke it previously...yeah and i wasted the money used to fixed it...i didn't broke down and cry maybe coz..nothing important was left in there. the barely have anything inside anyway..i was calm, but a little insomnia.....i guessed i take it already. just that its bothering me.. and i doesn't really wanna talk about it... it makes me feel you know...' i should have this and that'...

what another blow on me... am i really jynx-ed or what? can you tell me....

~ 'disappointed' ryan ~

2009-09-18T16:38:00.002+08:00

18/09, sunny

i was still in my sleeping mode on my mattress til mom opened the door in the morning. it was 8 20... time for tuition, accounts. the class was supposed to be on 9. but then jeannie came 9 30... and i dont think she told us why she was late.. anyway, no one had asked about it...i would have taken my breakfast if i knew she will be late. gastric kinda felt.. the class go as usual.. end as always.. all the others were going out.. that moment, i recalled kah weng mentioned about it... but surprised the girls are going as well.. feeling fine initially. just wondering something... not sure, pui yee did came asking me whether or not to join.. i answered 'no' in an instant. its kinda like, nevermind, i am not invited or told about it anyway...but kah weng mentioned about it to me yesterday, so nevermind, its not that i totally did not know that they will be going out...and they used to go out like this without me..but this time, i felt a bit sad case. ch...not sure why, its like....left out..

thats the sad morning...
home, tents are fixed outside the house.. to celebrate sis's 21st birthday.. meantime few of her friends are staying here for days..its awkward though. all guys..all the relatives are involved as well..sos there will be many many ppl around on....not sure when..lol. saturday i guess. how would my 21st be?

the last time ryan post one should be....
yeah. the day i got my cell phone whacked up.. guess hows the out come..gone. the things are all gone.. it was a friday, my mom came back with the phone.. and sent myself into a real hard time. teared almost immediately.. then ended up crying in my room...i tried calling friends...unreachable..my teacher...she told me she away that moment after days.. at least one i reached one of friend... talk a little while and then..had no idea how i fell asleep til the next morning...it was exam week 2, real exhausting...
somewhat another terrible experience. i seriously got plenty of them..when would this life turned to something, you know the way i wanted. but you just dont always get what you want.. some never get what they wanted..even simple things.. then i guess ryan should at least, still be grateful a mililength more than those ppl out there.. that case is still running on circles in my head though..and what happened in the morning too...they must be enjoying with great fun i guess...after 3 weeks of hard works and mindstressed period..me? going through my boring time alone, again.. sis home, sis not home..its still the same i guess.. the house is still as quiet as it is... seems like i am destined to be alone then.. yeah, and at least i got this dekstop to spend my time....

3 weeks ago should be the bm papers on the first day...no comment. whatever the question asked, just write whatever... thats how it usually works aren't they? lol..yeah thats how i basically do it.. but of course, each time, its taken seriously..just like any of my classmates...and paper 1...haha, a factual essay, ryan will definitely choose that...regardless what so ever others questions are. thats my 'life-line'...english on the next day is a tough one..long essays are..no factual... and the rest are matured thinking kinda question...so what i did was, just write la whatever! and..... submit it...
add maths was up the next day... i admit am more confident now in add maths...and the scores are out yesterday...the first paper given was paper 1..a disappointing 67/80.. well yeah, there's a lot of improvement in it than usual 50+/-... but i was really expecting something like 75 or...yeah i was actually down that moment..i think maybe i just overconfident...but did i? then i don't think so...i dont score an A in regular exams...but really, i worked very hard on it, did many many exercise...and my teacher told me i am already able to do.. and she really meant it...but then the paper 2 came to me after the final paper yesterday... i picked it up and its 80/100... man~ i was right.. my effort well paid..an overall 82. satisfied...very satisfying...careless mistakes on paper 1.. just work on it i would be better.. that was at least a moment that cheered me up a little...i did very badly in my chemistry and physics...i tried already..but its not enough. bad results, can only blame myself lo... history i think i did well.. so it should be fine... moral i think i did well too.. just hopefully my essays are correctly written. after yesterday's bell rang...its a relief. but then, to think of it...this should be just the beginning...there's another week after raya...Selamat Hari Raya to my friends out there..and maaf zahir dan batin...haha that shoud be the way.

bell rang..packed up,
next...wong lee fong's whereabout.. haha got her at the lab.. at the staff room, the teachers are all wishing each other...though it seems under control, but it looked like a mess...and have to carry teachers bag and books...to her car. kah weng was out there waiting, and pn cheong got him...lol, she was smiling to him and ' you good student right. why long hair? why long fingernails..? ' gosh, and she took out her nails cutter, kah weng cut on the spot..man~ sad case la that fella.. but he is ok la..but he expressed his story to us la...i mean me and lee fong..'i shouldn't wait there' and stuffs.. then we continued our appointment.. go makan..lol. everyone had no idea what to eat that moment..and kah weng was still kinda silence all the way..then sushi king was decided...actually that wong lee fong au makan one.. ok ok... accepted. just call the set lunch and ala carte sushi. at the restaurant, we basically just spend time chatting. talking about exams..sigh, boring topic though, just finished the exam and on the verge of a break, those topics came again.. and i just doesn't want to think about it already that moment.. so i keep eating and eating...they two talk la.. and i was actually attracted by the sushis on the ....dunno what belt. cuba makan je la..raw food might taste good..haha, acceptable wor.. i think we spent like nearly 2 and a half hour there..then bayar bil lo.. haha, RM60.30... my ratio to kah weng's 1:1.. 30 bucks each.. teacher just have to use her membership card and fetch me home..that sum up the day...

now what... 6 something, and i gotta prepare for my english class...
next stop..old klang road.

2009-08-13T20:49:00.001+08:00

13/08, rainy

things are getting worse..

"alright...i'm gonna calm myself down.." ryan was fine that moment. emotionally controlled well in the class yesterday..but its dfferent now at home.. ryan got his cellphone broke yesterday.. it was santhi suddenly wanted to tickle me... so i try to get away from that situation. moving backward away from him..unfortunately, fell on something and then. tragedy man...its disasterous.. sobs.. i was extremely stunted that moment...don't know what to say or react.. din cry la..yeah ryan knows, know it is just A cellphone...such a small fry for anyone out there, or whatever it is to them, but its different for me.. its a mixture of sentimental items, loyalty and those history in that phone... man~ maybe you won't understand the feelings.. ryan use to keep and uses things for very very long time..gift that haven been open to use for 6 years too... i have one. in my drawer.. a mechanical pencil..sobs, i could take care this pencil for such a long time but not my much more valueable and faithful handphone...what a failure.. ryan is undescribe-able-ly moodless already. i can't stop thinking about it.. i want it back, really..
to come to this, its an accident and ryan knows it very well...no one wanted it to happen.. he doesn't want it...and i never thought of such incident will ever happen on me...i have been a good boy ( only some temper problem) i din do bad things... how could sort of thing like that happened to me... santhi says he is willing to pay the repair fee.. yeah, its good to hear that, but its not really the matter of that actually, i just wanted it to be available for fixing.. it looks really bad to me..the auntie at the shop says it depends whether the board inside the phone was damaged or not, if it did, then she couldn't help.. there is still hope though..i am afraid what if it can't be fix..i doesn't want to change phone... and most importantly, things inside.. histories of conversations that i had cherished so much...i don't use my phone oftenly. it was kept since years back..
i need them. why? -no reason.. i just, simply can't lose them... its the only thing i have, that can be considered. from her...

thats sad..and things are getting worse..over the past months, the gap has widen..and the boundaries are growing.. sigh..
even when before that, we dont talk much..but i have no problem in having or starting a conversation.. apparently now, its similar to a condition where.. from a friend, it declined to a stage that...real pathetic. i am not sure, its just difficult to start a conversation with her already..and i am about to lose those messages..if its all gone -there will be no history of our conversation left...in me..as i am now.... helpless to start one.

its kinda like a great slap in a glimpse of an eye, as fast as lightning was given to me...directly on target.
i just don't know how should i or how to take it if...

2009-07-31T20:46:00.000+08:00

31/07, exact a month away from SPM trials

it still sounds like yesterday when i said its already the month of July. look...its already 31st!!! 31 days isnt that long after all... did i waste these days? did i use it them to the fullest? well not the fullest but definitely didn't wasted it i guess... yesterday and the day before i was all worn out... i slept so early that i ignore my midnight study time alarm.. then carried on lying as if i am dead piggy on my old faithful mattress. eyes open!!! and all i sensed was guilt.. i can't really blame myself, cos i am seriously exhausted..but you know, its usual isn't it when this sorts of thing happens on you.. and i almost couldn't complete my account homeworks too.. and some chemistry notes. have been doing add maths these weeks.. its all about the immense worry because this pn. selvi had been absent for some ages...since she picked up an injury on her knee..sidelined for a few weeks... almost a month. and look at the effect of that untoward incident on us, the poor warriors of 5 Amanah whom lost their add maths consultant for a month...at this very important moment... and to mention this, i guess it will be seriously un-jokingly difficult to overcome the upcoming chapter..its difficult.. i wonder how is she goin to finish this 2 chapters on time.. sigh. i am very positive that 5 Amanah is on jynx mode throughout 2009..well god bless us...very unfortunate as well.. ryan's back starteed to ache again.. man~ its really disturbing. and it has been 7 days now. it has never been this long previously... i got my blood tested too. and the reports say..." ya find my man... only a slight(0.04) high of your cholestrol level...( i wondered what is this about? cholestrol? i don't take fat foods), others fine...seems like the major objective if not achieved.. i thought there might be something wrong with me, as i feel tired so frequently..btw, i am naturally low in blood pressure..better than high blood pressure? lol..talking bout health, man~ that sook yee ar...sigh. now so many IPTA closed down.. and hers is still running, though many of other faculty closed down, and studs heading home, she is still there... why la must wait til 20th? faster faster la...that U already had few H1N1 cases isn't it...no offense..i mean, you know.. safety purpose.. as Malaysians are used to the weather in this very peaceful land lying on the Equator.. the virus will not harm us so easily...(i guess so). foreigners upon reaching Malaysia getting affected is partly because they could not adapt the nature and climate of our land, isn't it? thats an information i get. hope its right.. diverted. sigh...i mean, alo.. the school should let them head home ASAP.. and with the haze around us, it make the climate worse.. easy to fall sick now. yeah, so easy. especially nose related. stay healthy everyone.. the war zone is approaching silently, and if ya not healthy enough to prepare and face it, a small roar from enemy would knock you out.. here my friends, consume Vitamin B-Complex and intake more fruits and vegetables.. lol. ch..raisins too. for memory...memory

pn. vasu was here today. i was struck by lightning for a moment then, when i saw her when i was about to enter the library. she is ever, the pn. vasu we knew. i bet everyone missed her a lot, and i...yeah. you don't feel it that much. but its different when i saw her. its usual la i guess.. and she is my motivater after all, besides so many other teachers..pn. ooi backs me all the time.. its a pleasure..and all the teachers. SMKBL teachers are real angels...except nashan bin singgan.we were then chatting for a little.. she is here to get some data to present and promote you know, SMKBL...lol.. we are Puchong's Top though..(I say one). what surprise me, and put me into some kinda...i am so touched.. she says she is so surprised and happy when she got to know that i was with the band you know..when we won that competition with them..i am like.."you knew about it?" " how did you" sort of thing...i am really touched, cos u know why.. she remembered me..sob. my idol remembers me.. she kept in touch with the teachers and all our activities.. she says she is happy for us..her heart is always belonged to the 8th miles high...i remember the day when she cameback for the farewell ceremony.. though i sang sucked for her that day, she thanked me so sincerely when i went to see her...and she told me," kar chun...you know what you are up to at the end of this year...I know you can do it." ..i said i will try my best , but she told me again and gave me the motivation..."no no no, i know you will do well, okay.. all the best." ... you might be wondering why i could type it out nicely... but, no joke okay... i remembered everything she told me that day.. and those are the words. and right til today, she remembers the name kar chun...sob. i am so touched. i might sound perasan, but thats how i feel... do you realise how meaningful it is to be remembered by your principal, or a such a great teacher? lol. yes to me..all the best for everyone.

well, i'm done i guess...

ryan, signing out...

you were walking pass the side way

with your little gentle steps

i turned my head to you

just to have another view of you

as you're not aware of it and

always wanna see you longer,

but the fact that I was scared

what if you noticed...

when you noticed

seeing you in your way home

with your hasty little steps

i turned my head to you

' can i walk you home? ' and

wondering whether you're safe

alone i wished i could be your side

like heroes in the movie stars

so i can see you closer..

just a little closer

2009-07-23T01:11:00.000+08:00

22,23/ 07. lazy...and mild weathered weekday.

if i am not mistaken, its exactly a month since the previous post. that day was that smkbl magic moment remember... lol.. sigh, this 2 weeks, wow. somehow just too tiring, but worth it i guess. i never pushed myself this much, in my studies. the effort is not really much though, but its something that i never tried before u see. its like, finish school and continue at home after that. then night. today er, lol. i skipped school. personal reason, its big for me, but i guess its better to be kept unspoken, cos its er, a bad reason to skip school. lol... yesterday wong lee fong also skipped ler, only that she might have a good reason for that. i wonder what happened in school today? u know, those crazy bunch of funny friends... they must be enjoying again ler at the back of the class... i dont doubt that... yer, everytime see them playing er.. sigh, should i say...' grow up la' or...' pathetic' ?...lol....or maybe...' guys, come on la...stop that..' i sometimes wonder where did their guts and all the daring to what they dare to do comes from... maybe i need some from them... since i look so timid... macam senang buli.. wong lee fong kata punya... aku ni senang buli ke? swt la... she is the teacher after all... she can just tease me eh.. or, haha...supposed said i enjoyed being teased...thinking bout those day i used to fight and argue a lot in primary school...whoo... scary. hey serious eh... i swore i will never fight again... since then, well being caught figthing by that discipline teach.... was er... honestly, kinda embarassing. haha, those days, i fought a malay guy, then dont know how i drag and pull him to fall under a table...then "plaaang"...ouch...lol. then one was haha whacking one fella with the broom stick. thats the moment being caught... swt. others dun remember la...nah..those were the immature acts.. faded already. speaking of immature... i was really an idiot back then... years back, i mean like from primary to form 2... thinking about it, man~... i really felt erm..you know..' hey this kid (me) got some problem' lol... yeah.. those time was terrible. i remember how often i 'slip my tongue' and interfering others conversations...then speaks 'reflex-ly'... lol, without thinking i mean.. mulut masa tu agak bisa ler.. nasib badan tak binasa.. yeah, to realise this, man~...a change is a must...i hope this stupid traits isn't staying with me already...which i think i am positive... somehow, i still got a problem... fiery temper and, beginning to notice bout my sensitivity...i mean kinda EQ low...its low..how? i think this is something natural...means, canot really change.. except the fiery temper la... that one no comment la.. i dunno sometimes my mother nagging or giving advices...it sounds the same anyway.. i only show my mood at home... i guess its something like expression disorder...or just, teenagers tend to 'hide' and being normal in school..but when its home, its like a place to deposit it...sigh.. when i knew it was wrong to argue, its still doesn't make any different... i never dare to say sorry.. its..alo, dunno la..' sorry mom' ...er... then i think she will 'whats wrong with him?'...its the right thing to do, but its as hard as saying 'mom i love u'... actually, 'i love you' this 3 words seriously, need a lots and lots of confidence and 'balls' to say...for guys...no...ppl like me..since so many are ABUSING ( don't you agree ) this 3 'wonderfully composited' words. alright, this is absurdly diverted...

whoa raining in the midnight....rain rain rain...every midnight see this little second sis... working like a mad youngster hunting for success... yeah, the spirit is there... and what about sook yee, no midnight oil la of course... but everly consistent study... man~ wheres my spirit? dad is damn hardworking, the 2 sis too, me? pathetically LAZY... they must have taken all the hardworking trait (dominant) and left the recessive for me... the lazy-ness traits...oh man~...how the hell can u 2 do this to me? tsk tsk...but i am glad having 2 well stud, and hardworking sis...its an honour... haha, yeah though we argue a lot last time... now, no time for such actuvity i guess... duduk serumah tapi tak sampai 100 patah perkataan pun sehari... since i was in form 4... so seldom talked.. when sook yee return, i was happy. yeah, we don't argue already over small things... its like, grown up.. or maybe cos we seldom meet, so its like, became appreciating the relationship we have more.. besides that.. all of us will be like living in our own world..3 living differently.. mom will just watch 3 of us 'branching out' doing things individually.. doesn't looked like a family at all.. and i don't have members in family that actually understands me, or having the same 'frequency' with me...neither of my friends i guess.. it would seem really lonely, everyone busy with own things.. how holiday is cherish by me now? its golden time to blend 4 of us again.. during the normal days, its really, mouthless activity almost.. its sad being lone guy at home...u don't share the same interest and hobbies... its hard to spend time with my family members.. but, erm... family is a once in a lifetime kinda thing.. love it ma fren..
hah, apart from that...haha.. the success of the 2 brilliant talent is also ryan's 'forward thrust'.. seriously, without them, i don't think i will ever work hard in my academics.. not to say, academics is the most important thing, its just... its a very important element of a hume's life in ryan's 'book of definition' lol...without knowledge, ya will go no where...thats what i think la.. thanks to their all time good results i wanna be like them.. though i never exceed them...its a target to do so.. not to say compete..if all of us do well..you know, then it would be like, wow.. parents of their are wonderful.. it would make mommy and daddy proud..very proud.. dad never gave up trying to make us excel in studies... its important.. only them, will understand it..why.. u ask? because they understand the 'pain' to be poor... the 'pain' to be uneducated..the manipulation and exploits being uneducated.. for them, it would be so painful if their children were not well educated, not well professioned..
in the end, its all for our own good...i once, disapointed dad, i wasn't focusing in my tuition class, and were sleeping oftenly... beginning i felt like he was forcing me to do something i so not willing to to...i dont want the tuition... i was told...' i am very disappointed with you'... yeah, he said that... and i had never say sorry.. those words were, really hurting.. he wanted me to do better, he willed to fetch me to the place... what he wanted is his son do well..in academic. i would never doubt he thinks that academic is the no.1 thing in life.. he stopped his in form 3, which i knew if he continued, i woud probably staying in a banglo.. dad is a pure genius..he was an inventor..i was 'terrified' to know it..its like, dad is amazing... those days was financially low, he got no choice..but he says my son has the opportunity...and he is capable in study.. yeah, i do well in primary though i am lazy... its usual i guess... he had no chance to further his education, so he wants all his children to be well-educated..which he actually did..my parents deserve being proud.. yeah, among the six families, we are the ones that do well in academic field...its not to berlagak la...i am just telling my dad's effort in motivating actually well paid off...grandma is proud too...mom will hold the pleasure..haha... she is trying hard to fullfil our needs actually.. she doen't seem to pressure us in academics....since..you know.. but seriously, His departure was, ...had became a 'behind the scene' for our current condition...i believe sis had worked ever hard and the fullest since then.. me, of course harder than i usually do..not the fullest though..and, since then i changed a lot too... thats also the ending point of ryan's immaturity.. i began to change myself for... dad, mom and...
'i wanna be a good boy' thats echoing my ear those time... and so i do..they make who i am today
well i guess the current task will be striking the SPM for now...dad will bless me rite?

just weeks ago, that bryan finally left...man~ thank whoever for your peaceful away... and welcome lovely wong lee fong..' cheer' and 'whistle'.. haha, not only a pretty teacher, at least she is major in education and knows how to teach and communicate with studs...somehow female are undeniable more suitable to become teach...lol. she teaches good i think...and she sends her notes to us...through e mail...i never knew that teacher can do that, or... i never heard such thing... her willingness to do this to her studs, hey thats a credit...lol. monday we went to KLCC for a chemistry fiest...whoa, lol...when she first inform me, we are like so excited... i never went there, of course... and she wants to go to the petroscience...kaka.. syok la, soon boon, hongshen and yee long accompanied...unexpected la, we go by LRT... lol.. i never been on it too... first ride damn fk crowded... swt la, how the hell did they get used to it. unbelievable.. and i bet many female been taken advantage off..yeah, its extremely crowded.. beware of pick-pockets weh...upon there ar, swt la...real biggest disappointment... it was whole day of lecturing... oh mama save me...its boring weh.. we tot of seeing many experiments and grand grand de exhibition and stuffs...mana tau... itu saja ke?.. apart from that, we find own time to enjoy la...lol.. we went in the petroscience gallery during free time... haha, macam free admin... masuk je la.. thats one of the fun times la... we all interacting with all the things there.. one part damn funny la... kaka, that hongshen ar, there is a dinosaur... there are description about interacting with it... after we finish reading it he suddenly says hello to the dinosaur...the dinosaur actually timed set to moved... that same time, it move.. oh my god... its like...'halo'.... then the dinosaur moved...lmao. i laughted for minutes weh... damn kau siao wehh...lol. my laughter made studs from other school to laught together...i tell u what..those are real idiot..lol, ppl laugh u laugh what? and the food is ok la, nice la... not packed de lo.. somewhat catering.. while eating i was thinking can eat in the petroscience de meh? lol...and sad case, i knock the orange juice and it poured on lee fong's leg... alamaks, malunya...luckily a bit... she says she expected that will happen..swt lo.. after all that thingy, rush home weh. that time summore suddenly desperate to pee.. man~.. they all tease me pula.. actually they wanted me to just tahan.. swt la.. i have to withstand it from LRT to her car.. then to school..fui yo...ini memang ar, penderaan secara fizikal yang kreatif..lol. lecturing was boring, but the hanging time was fun... haha, i never know school event can take LRT... which i found out its against the school regulation...Shhh..lol

well i am not sure... i somehow suddenly felt super down...mood swing again?
sigh, maybe i am just tired already...

2009-06-22T20:30:00.000+08:00

22/06, so heaty...

....man~ i guess the influenza A thingy is getting more serious now. now i've heard assunta got in the trouble as well.. oh god. somehow really scary. its like the victims..er, u know... once ya got it, ya waiting to die. sounds really terrible. who would wanna die such a way. prevent prevent prevent. i don't actually see any 'big' action taken. pray hard those bloody virus fade away soon. stay away from my damn country yal bastards!!! btw, at this while, the haze might come together. haiz....

'buzz'...hey, exams results aint so well...sigh, i have been thinking. had i done all i could. just somehow thinks that i can do more than this. uhh...if i wasn't stuck into nonsense that moment. now i am looking for excuses. whoa whoa...that wasn't really it. hey really, those nonsense really got me...well at least they were to responsible for that.... well not blaming anyone. yeah, in the end its my own fault. EQ low... nothing can really be done about it. btw, i tot EQ low would have a higher IQ....hm... think about it, maybe not now. both mine are low. sigh.... seems like i am really extraordinary...lol. 'tsk' after all i did not study back then. so i guess the results aren't actually that bad huh... just some words to comforts...maybe. maybe not..^^
BM was....60 something. real suck as always. english 79, didn't expect much with that simply difficult questions.. maths 88, no comment. addmaths whoa... 'lightning strucked' 64..=_=. sigh, this one i think i put quite some effort. somehow really disappointing one. moral...'another lightning strikes' whoa...lol.only 55..anyway it ain't funny. i was only laughing bout that lightning thing. other than the word damn , i don't know what to say. this absurd subject always give the biggest down push to ma result..sob...i hate u moral.
bio and physic both ended up 71 and 72...hah. at least something to be relieve for. both increase. so lets happy bout it. physic especially.. maybe the paper was easier. but scoring Mr. Lee's paper is er.... something i think should be proud of...haha, don't cha think so pal? ma history...ooohh. its a satisfying one, 87. erm er...only sad bout the tokoh sejarah title being striped off... aughh...well nvm. ryan's gonna have that back in no time.heha when the tidal wave comes, then i could shock the world again...lol. 'ch daydreaming again. i made a survey, results shows...'drum roll'. i am indeed a day dreamer.lol. but i am the type who goes on and get what i dreamt for. kakaka...ain't funny now. anyway i am still clueless what i wanted to be. actually its simple. i want a job which i loved to worked for and i can help ppl. simple as that. maybe a nurse, a pharmacist, social workers, whoa...psycistry( did i spell it right?), absolutely, not a doc.lol....and perhaps a lawyer... or a teacher. lecturer is not bad huh. i guess i went to much. hah, see. i am indeed uncertain. ryan still floats around right now. nvm, time will come. and i'll know.

hah... one thing is really making me nervous now. i am thinking how to face tomorrows problem. what problem eh? the colourguards performance thingy. man~ i think the band is good. very good a. winning team perhaps i mean. but with the colourguards on it...oooh. erm... yeah you can doubt what i just meant earlier now. harh... criticising own performance. well not my choreographies anyway. some kinda dunno out of nowhere. if only i know that promising to join this thingy would drag me into this...sigh. if only i notice that no one actually from the band know what the hell is this... and if only i know everything about colourguards...its all too late. sounds regret huh.. god dammit i am.. harhh...i have been really wondering these days...just what the hell i am doing all this while. alright, missing the class was...whoo good....lol. man other than that...eww. i have to stand looking the things that i know it was wrong..... ok not to say wrong.... otherwise it would be cruel.. that lin choong and sim ling thingy figured all this performance arrangement out eh... letss be nice then. er... ah its not right. sob... saddest thing is i have do together the 'not right' performance. from the beginning til the end....hell man...its hard sometimes. the condition is... i know nothing too about colourguards... and i only know that something is wring and the thing is not like that. imagine if i actually sound that, i can't fix it... i only know its not like that. so i preferred keeping my mouth shut and just follows what they wish... after all that, they were the one who slack around a lot.they were the one making so many sorts of fuss throughout the practices. but they all ended up sitting at the canteen doing nothing. other than chatting nonsense. i wonder what i was doing. i should have ask them to continue. yeah anyway, the rest of us are actually only following. sigh...if i know the stuffs, i would have turn the table around. then i can sound them so loudly til they are so damn speechless. i was wonder the moment they were sounding so loud to the rest of us as if they know everything about colourguards at the tip of their fingertips. haha, i was thinking what if i just said ' ya think ya know everything?' heh, that would lead to a unecessary aguement... but i would love to see that now...again, if only i knew about colourguards... so many if.. and things seems needed to be carried on no matter what... i seriously almost sure that tomorrow's performance gonna ruin the band's... i am really worried bout it. they were really good. and we the colourguards are real pathetic. maybe it only looks okay to ppl. but for me...nah.. with yin hong today not with us, ma worries got worse. other than worrying bout affecting the band's performance, i am absolutely worried too if i should bring a plastic to cover my face (head) later tomorrow. now, i am worrying what if any of them read this...lol... alright man, even if any of yal read this, i guess this thing already over. no offense. i am just saying what i wanted to say for so long. if ya mad about it... sorry is all i can do. if i was irresponsible to my promise, i would have quit this thing and leave yal a piece of problem. honestly, its not easy to mix around with you guys.i was seriously surprised with all sorts of reaction from different of them...lol.thats the beginning..anyway the bads i threw them away already... blessed we had some fun on the final 2 practices. whatever it is now, i am glad its almost over. and i am near to escape those unpleasent-ness( lol ). guess i would pray hard things don't mess around the band. yeah its a priority i think to protect the band... they are the 'main character' after all. and er...ahh..nevermind. its just not good for like foreigners to ruin the performance of the origins in a competition. its just the right way to feel eh..hehe. god bless all of us tomorrow...yeah, though i said a little too much just now. its what i wanted to pour... i am not hesitating about it... but of course. i will continue my promises and responsibility. just do my best tomorrow.meantime, a sorry in advance to all the members of the bands...

sis leaving tomorrow too...all the way back to penang. sigh, looking at her, i was wondering about myself. i wanna study like that too. but i seemed not quite ready to leave bt. 8... i keep mentioning about form 6...did i really wanted it? no cash where else i could go? thats the first and most important question and answer as well. scholarships...i never thought of it. out of my dictionary currently...many friends of mine are quite manage-able to continue whichever way...except mee soon boon and meng kian i guess. both of them are elites too... at least soon boon is really someone who deserve a lot..meng kian knows what he want i guess. only financial disrupted him i guess...in terms of scholar, i bet both of them will be more than qualified..form 6 ain't bad after all. makes someone more mature... haha... yeah, right now focus whats is in front... tomorrow? lol...
after that i can back to my full focus mode. i made up my mind. just less active... and try give all out then.

added on 23/06,
hah....i guess i really had to take back the words above....lol.. most of them i suppose...
just miracle or whatever 8th miles magic just happened..lol.
i would prefer remain not to comment anything about it from now on...
everyone's happy thats it...

2009-06-05T01:20:00.000+08:00

05/06, sunny.....as usual, swelteringly hot!

the sky looks bright....but ryan's mood isn't...lol. lets just say my mood never turns good. or, its a once in a blue moon kinda thing. few weeks is long... but once its gone, its fast. merely have the time to redeem...reminisce? i tried doing something very daring this week. but i guess its kinda too late. and when i got to realise, is it either i made the decision too late, or luck is not with me? or the worst was expected. argh...no matter how bothering it is, i gotta suck it up. this is tough case. tougher than exam. lol. thats my life. no swt... if its that bad, then i will live the worst way. yet i survive. true, life's always hard. but miss. guru jane said there will be silver linings behind those bloody clouds...lol. maybe there are, but i bet its almost rarest thing on earth. a friend of mine. she is cool... wanna know her? lol. you wont get bored with her. wonder when the next guru's blue moon will come?

these days are boring.... i am running out of idea what to do these days. last saturday is quite a good one. football day. and i was so surprised with that performance. its like, a real jose bosingwa mix essien playing for my team. lol, though we lost 3 to 2 goals.i am running everywhere...just love that running feeling. unbeatable among everyone there. but wednesday was suck...i guess playing without the bad mood isnt so good. sports is the only i can unleash myself. and forget everything. its like an instant alcohol for me. i cannot drink. i tried daring myself to drink sometimes at home.. but no... no guts one. i really afraid of being drunk. and its unhealthyway of letting things out. what if i said many things...like secrets...ooohh, cannot imagine. so i prefer sports then. then i will be playing with fierce and glaring faces...haha, which makes me cool..nah, jokin.if i am cool, i would have date more than 10 times... lol, but look at me, still single in my entire life. an evidence of a poor unwanted guy....sob...lol. well, at least got some tuition classes goin on... todays account is kinda tough. the workings are long. eww.dizzy doin it. anyway i feel kinda awkward though today. i sent a message on wednesday, but she doesnt seem to know anything about that or ...u know, like at least show that she recieved it... its bothering eh? hm....but seriously, its like... are you serious? you didn't recieve it? or ya pretending ya didn't or she just doesn't wanted to reply that... either one i guess. well logically, how could a message sent unrecieved? eh?..sigh...if only i was dare enough to ask her about it earlier today. nvm... i guess sometimes the answers are obvious.

i watch slumdog millionare just now... its like er...wow, i don't really know that india is that bad. i mean the conditions.. its almost like africa in certain places.. but the rich one are incredible rich...hm... its never enough for the rich ones...true. what has gotten to our humanity these days. one word...greed. miss mun says human are borned greedy... its only our own moral and self esteem to control ourself... i sometimes confused. is that means, when we cant control, we are actually right, to be greedy... but of course... i stick to myself... i am not that type. but i hear a lot of saying....in chinese(canto).. 'yan pat wai kei, tin ju tei mit' something like its normal for ppl to think about themselves...yeah. maybe, but if you see the conditions in those country like india and africa....maybe ppl will learn how to appreciate more. its doubtless ppl nowadays take almost everything for granted. think about it. maybe one day i would go to africa...one of my ...not to say wish...its like....i wanted to go there if given a chance.

i got part of biology marks on monday.... er...its not as well as i expected..i thought i did well. really. but its not really. 66.5 for paper 2...its like, i lost 33.5 marks...gosh. many things were deducted because miss yu says, those i cant accept...though its not wrong..er, in other word...the terms was wrong...so swt...sigh..ok lets not give excuses...wrong means wromg. hm...i tot i did well ga...how the hell i know it gone this way....sad case betul. sometimes when things go as if your way...it doesn't. it gives me a culture of thinking negative sides first....no choice. my life made me this way... where my friends always criticises me on this part. especially hongshen...sigh...btw, i feel like a badass cancelling the deal to go out with him...its like i suddenly lost mood and called him.sigh, maybe thats a little too cruel. he helps me out alot eh..maybe i should tell him i will be going again tomorrow.yeah i guess so.

believe it or not... i found out something new.my father side....my granpa, was actually rich family...i mean i should be a rich daddy's son... it was something happened, and cause my grandpa to lost that many money... and became so so poor...he was accused with something by some sort of bastards...there, he lost a lot of money paying lawyer fee... then, when he got the disease which cost his life, he splashed another sum of cash... meantime, it was the japanese times....its like adding oil on fire to my dad's family. those money was hard earned... we got a sugarcane farm those times... where they really earn alots and lots of money...those days, the values are like millions of these days'...i would have live in a banglo today...i don't know how to say... my mom repeats my dad's saying...he says grandpa never lived a relaxed and easy life... those bastards made his life so damn hard....where he has to carry on with a tough life to survive...and we can conclude that he has work so hard causing him, sick to death. the whole family of course...they never lived easy those days...my dad and his siblings have to work very hard too, latenight and midnights, taking care of my grandpa, schooling...that, they were still younger than i do now. and they have to live with fear of the japs...and running from the japs... its like almost never ending suffer for them til the japs leave... my dad, stopped schooling since 15... and wored for the same boss til his very last breath 3 years ago. grandpa was so sick that time... dad's boss was so kind enough to fetch dad to the hospital everyday....every single one. regardless the time...after working... thats the way dad return this priceless favour of his boss. i guess that moment dad was only at my age...look what i am doing here...blogging...what about him? he was already undergoing so much challenges in his life...thats why i always i can suck anything up...i might appear unhappy no matter what in my life. but at least i really suck things up to carry on..and compare to dad's.... what are mine's....its rubbish. though its not for me. i may believe its a cycle. dads life is just so similar with grandpa...isn't it? mine? in my age....14 dad leaves me. exactly one day before my birthday. dad? grandpa leaves him just a little years later. almost similar... dad too, he never relaxed and settle down. neverending worries for us. especially sook yee. she was doing too well i guess. dad, i think he worries too much about the finance to support sis's studies....but look at it now, it should be useless worries...she got full scholarship now...why you worried about her? if you do... pressure and stress is one of the factor of dad's disease. ch...look, they were both too....they live almost the same life...there are a lot of respect from me here. dad really is a tough man and the ideal man for every family..on that year he passed away, its the moment where the car's final credit payment. and after that, we got extra of almost a thousand a month to spend...or to save... where pressure can be reduced and less worries of course back then. its like time to relax more..just that little while, but the .... was cruel to take him away at that time...i wonder why... why can't let him have some time to....he had worked throughout his whole life...not easy work....what do chinese classify? ' chu gong ' rough works...? by that time he will be watching ryan scoring straight in PMR..... sis making Teng family's Book Of Record....first ever 4.o CGPA in STPM..... four flat.... first ever...then 2nd sis's flying colours of 7 A's in SPM... all these, just like what he dreamt of... he would have been celebrating with us....jubilating like never before....being the proudest man in the family's tree...where as if no one else deserve how he feels...sounds of perfection...i guess he have to celebrate and jubilate .....maybe alone up there...a man who only did good deeds in his life....heard of' tau si tou mge tham seik' *rather steal shit than being a greed man * when he was gone, i remember the condition in and out of my house... everyone was crying, tearing, mourning for him... everyone. some were not even seen or known by me myself. just see how great was dad... i remember how grandma reacts...its like she lost her, everything....ch...maybe worse than that. if destiny was written the moment we are borned, then grandpa's and dad's was destined like that.... i wonder how was mine. yeah sounds like touchwood... but no one really knows things tomorrow. i was wondering too, does dad knows that he had that disease that take his life....or he really never knew about it. but i seriously don't think that he doesn't know about it...this is a lifetime unrevealable question....unless till the day i gone case too( touchwood )then perhaps i will know everything. no one can answer this question. it makes me ready for anything almost. its still unclear if i carry the sickness... inheritance are no jokes. watching rosy business...yeah, we shouldn't waste our life...its somehow...short. i will make more 'no regret' decision since then....now i mean. and of course, no complaint for the life i live....anymore? lol, impossible...there will be...but less. if its written...then i will be seeing how and where ryan's story end...my ideal way....or the unexpected way? but, salute both my grandpa and dad... well thanks in advance... hm...well, lets make it part of a little gift for Father's Day...lol... look, ppl are knowing about my dad and grandpa and saultes them...dad especially...there was saying we have less fate...but i wash that of with the strongest evidence. if we are not really fated, then you wont be my dad..Happy Father's Day...